Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Everyone Needs A Little

... rest. joy. and a song to sing in the darkest night. hope. love is the greatest of these.

{thanks, Kari Jobe, for a little inspiration.} This is the song I think of when I think of the people all around the world who just need a little love. a little hope. a little peace. a little joy. That's what I feel like I can give even when I only have one day. If I'm the only Jesus they ever see, I pray that I can love them even a fraction of how Jesus loves them. I gave as many hugs and smiles as I could in one day. It's amazing what you can communicate without using a single word. Which reminds me of the power of pictures. Words really aren't needed when you see these precious faces. Here's my last two days in pictures ...
Such a precious girl who touched my heart through every hug and smile. 

Playing Red Rover with the kids.
Lunch with all the kiddos.
My lunch ... which was oh so delicious. 
Craft time. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation."
More crafts.
My amazing translator, Tanya.
End of the day. Proudly displaying their artwork.
Sweet smiles and faces even if they continue to speak to you in Russian. 
A picture is worth a thousand words. 
The whole group. Slava bohu (Praise the Lord)!!
I cannot even begin to put into words how blessed I was at the end of the day. I felt the love of Jesus just being around these children. I pray they felt the same. God is so good, and I am beyond thankful that He doesn't need my words to accomplish His work. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, and I ask that you continue to pray as I finish out my last two weeks here {two weeks that will be VERY busy to say the least}. 

Learning to be the Light, 
Jenna

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Just a Simple Touch

I love traveling. I love foreign countries. I love trying new things. I love smiling at complete strangers. I love listening to songs being sung in multiple languages. I love feeling God's presence in a country that's not my own. I love seeing God move and work in a group of people who are trying to better understand the truth of the Gospel. I love this opportunity that God has given me to serve Him here in Ukraine.

But .... there is still an enemy out there trying to sabotage God's work, and that enemy knows my weaknesses all too well. {side note: It is very tempting to only write on here about my victories and excitement, but then I wouldn't be giving you the real me. I have to be true to what God has called me to do, and today He wants me to share the struggles and the victories. end side note.} There is one thing that can send my thoughts into a tailspin straight down into a never-ending pit of darkness ... and that my friends is a {scary, scary} place. The one thing that I dislike most about being in a foreign country is being in a room full of people speaking a foreign language that I don't understand. I don't know why, but for me, this is one of the most overwhelming, draining, and difficult things. This past Sunday night just so happened to catch me off guard. I wasn't protecting my mind from the attack of the enemy, and if it wouldn't have drawn so much attention to me, I very likely would have started beating my head against a wall. It would have been far more pleasant than the turmoil in my mind. I couldn't find my way out of this pit I had slipped down into. The struggle was so real despite the fact that no one else in the room even knew it was happening.
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But at the same time, I wasn't going down without a fight. I was begging and pleading with God to throw me a rope down into this dark pit and pull me out. As it's said so much more eloquently in the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, "God delights in revealing himself to those who will seek him with all of their hearts. He is an extravagant, abundant Lover, and he loves to reveal his heart to us again and again."

As the service ended, I saw a woman who I had met before at a another church in the Kharkov region quite a few years ago. It was clear she didn't recognize me at first, but after sharing I remembered her {through a translator as always}, she grabbed my hand. Such a simple gesture. But she didn't let go. It was the strangest thing. I'm not really the "touchy-feely" type especially with strangers, but this was different. {Warning: I'm about to sound like a crazy Jesus fanatic ... which I am, so oh well}. It was almost as if in that moment I could just feel the love and presence of God filling my heart to the brim and overflowing. Whereas moments before, I was in a dark place where the enemy had left me to fend for myself ... Now Jesus was reaching out to me, grabbing hold of my hand, and assuring me that He will {never} let go. I was overwhelmed. Just a simple touch. From a stranger nonetheless.
"God wants to share in this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments ... He wants to pour his love into your heart, and he longs to have you pour yours into his. He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you. He is not interested in intimacy with the woman you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you." {Captivating}

I could have not shared this story, because it was a real-life struggle that shows you that I am nowhere near perfect ... and honestly never will be. I didn't want to share this story, because it means admitting that I struggle. all. the. time. But I will never find that deep intimacy with my loving and intimate God if I'm not the truest me. This is as real as it gets.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

Friday, June 7, 2013

The Story Behind the Peacock

It is no secret to any one who knows me that I'm single. Now that I think about it ... I hope that's not the first thing people think of when they think of me, because if it is, boy have I messed things up. Anyway, two years ago this summer, I was still reeling from my recent graduation from college and my 7 week trip to East Asia when God laid it on my heart to intentionally investigate my aversion to singleness and what it would take to convince me that He is enough {did I mention ... in a very public way a.k.a. this blog on the internet}. 

The journey I set out on in July of 2011 was one that no one could have prepared me for. As I've stated on this oh so public blog more than once, I've always been single. Yep, the always and forever alone Jenna. {haha. just kidding. kind of} Junior High. single. High school. single. College. single. Grad school. single. You get the picture? {I figured you would}. Please note this is in no way a pity party. I'm actually very thankful for my singleness despite how I've painted it so far in my life. If it hadn't been for my singleness, I probably would have never become the girl woman I am today {eh not a huge fan of referring to myself as a woman ... I need to work on that}. If I hadn't been single, I might not have worked at Garaywa for two summers. If I hadn't been single, I might not have gone to Ukraine or East Asia the past four summers. If I hadn't been single, I might not have even gone to grad school. I definitely wouldn't have known that I can 100% survive/flourish with the love/intimacy found in Jesus alone. I wouldn't have found {over the past 24 years} some of the most amazing girls/women/best friends on the planet. I want to tell you about one girl in particular. So for those who have been waiting, always wondered, or have no idea what I'm talking about, here's the story behind the peacock.
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We were an unlikely pair to say the least. The chances that we would ever make it as friends were slim to none. She was beautiful. smart. talented. did I mention smart? And she was from Alabama. No way was I gonna be friends with some girl from Alabama. Due to circumstances completely unrelated to our own lives, we decided that the other one didn't like each other. {did you get that? we didn't not like each other, but we both thought that the other didn't like the other. clear??} We allowed this invisible wall to be built between us for an entire semester of school. Sure, there were pleasantries, and we were pledge sisters nonetheless which meant we loved each other in a sort of way we weren't quite sure of yet. 

Well, I've never claimed to be very smart as it is, but you throw in statistics and you will really see how not smart I am. One B after another B led me to the door of none other than Brooke Elmore {and on a Saturday night nonetheless}. I don't remember exactly how it went down, but at some point in the next hours we spent together I wrote a statistics report and made a best friend who would continue to impact and change my life for the rest of time. I think I knew she was my best friend when we bonded over baking brownies and skipping formals. After many a road trips with her to good ole Gordo, Alabama, I realized this Alabama girl wasn't so bad. I even found myself an adopted set of grandparents in Pickens county. There are no better memories in my mind than slumber parties at Big Momma's and the diet mountain dew that went along with them.

{sorry, I've gotten a little sidetracked} About the peacock. For the most part, Brooke and I {the most part is directed toward Brooke :)} both remained single for our college years much to our dismay over the lack of Christians guys beating down our doors. Christmas break of our sophomore year, Brooke and I both headed to EA together and watched as couples after couples formed on the trip. dating couples, engaged couples, and stupid boys chasing other girls. And here we were. The W girls. & no boys in sight. I lost count of the number of MSU BSUs we drove to on Tuesdays nights. We weren't hunting for Mr. Right whatsoever, but it came to a certain point where we felt like we had met every Christian guy in the state of MS and not a single one of them had even given us a second look. 

After two years at the W, we were disappointed. The school year ended, and I set out for Clinton, MS and my 2nd summer as a cabin leader at Garaywa despite my strong desires to go overseas & my sadness for leaving my best friend for like 3 months. We stayed in touch by phone every now and then & she tried to keep me updated on all of our friends. One particular time, she told me that my best friend from 6th grade {but also our mutual best friend} had been doing some crafting/painting & as usual, she had been giving them away when she didn't like how they turned out. Humorously, Brooke had told me about a peacock Jessica had painted. She sent me a picture, and we talked about how cute it was & blah, blah, blah. She just so happens to be like the best friend ever and would send me the cutest mail. I loved getting mail at camp. There was just something special about someone taking the time out of their busy schedule to brighten your day. It's been such a long time ago, but I remember it being about halfway through the summer {I was really missing my best friend}, and it was a Friday. {THE DAY THE CAMPERS WENT HOME} Some weeks I was more excited about this than others. I had just sent off all my campers and headed down to the staff room for our weekly meeting. When I walked into the staff room, I noticed this GIGANTIC package leaning against the mailboxes. I went and found a seat for the meeting {minding my own business} when someone asked me if I was going to open my package. I was in shock. The HUGE package was for ME?? I ripped it open and lo an behold, a peacock with bright colors {my favorite} from none other than my best friend, Brooke.


But the real surprise was when I turned it over and read the note in Brooke's handwriting ... the words that will be forever ingrained in my heart. She wrote on there that we were like peacocks who were shy around large crowd and wouldn't show their feathers for just anyone. We didn't walk around flaunting our "amazing-ness," but instead we were waiting for God's best to truly appreciate us for all our pretty colors and of course our "amazing-ness." That peacock has traveled with me to each place that I have lived and serves as a constant reminder that God is working. 
God is faithful. God is good. God is loving. God is amazing.

All in all, it may seem like just a silly story to someone, but this girl I call my best friend has stood by my side in the good and the bad, she cried on my shoulder and I have cried on hers. We have grown together, we have laughed {A LOT} together, we have traveled together. We have faced loss together. We have been scared together. We have worried together. & we have enjoyed life together. We have loved God together. We have pushed each other toward a closer walk with Him. We have discovered what it means to wait for God's best and never settle for less.
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That peacock just looks like a peacock to most people. But God used that peacock to work in my heart, and He showed me that because He loves me, He has richly blessed my life with friendships {like the one I have with Brooke Elmore}, beauty, and an unknown future. That unknown future may seem daunting right now, but He has it under control. He knows the ins and outs of my future. He is molding me into the creation He knows will bring Him the most glory. My story is just beginning, and although being a grown up scares the mess out of me, I know God has placed and will continue to place beautiful friendships/relationships in my life.

To God be the glory for all that He has done.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

He's Got the Whole World

... in His hands. 
He's got the whole world in His hands. 
He's got the whole world in His hands. 
He's got the whole world in His hands.

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As I am constantly surrounded by so many different people, languages, and cultures, God reminds me that He understands every language. He loves every child of the world. Red and yellow, black, and white. They are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.  

God is doing so many amazing things here in Ukraine. Not only is God moving in the hearts of the people around me but He is also faithful to work in my heart bringing me ever close to Him. As I spent time with the Roma (gyspy) children this past weekend, my heart felt like it could explode with joy. Seeing the precious smiles on their faces and the simple way they grabbed my hand and pulled me around the entire place melted my heart. I knew in that moment that they were a huge reason why God brought me here this summer. I know He has amazing plans for me no matter what comes of my 4 weeks left here, but I do pray that He works it out for me to go back to the Roma church for a 2 day VBS. 

English classes are in full swing. And by full swing, I mean just about every day. I love it though. I have thought more about the English language in the last week than I have in my entire life. It's quite perplexing what you take for granted when you have spoken a language your entire life. I love helping with these English classes, because I can share my culture and my relationship with God with these students. Please pray for spiritual conversations to come of these new connections I have made through the English classes. 

I will be meeting with all of the international girls on Friday nights at 6pm, and I am so excited to see what God has in store for all of us. They are teaching me so much through their willing and humble hearts, and I am just praying that God will bring us all into a closer walk with Him. 

I am overjoyed with the opportunities that God is placing before me, and I hope you will join me in praying for the work He is doing. I am just an empty vessel waiting to be used by Him. 

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna