Revelation

Revelations. And no I don't mean the book of the Bible. I mean that moment when something that has perplexed you, baffled you, or even just confused you for a period of time and all of a sudden, it hits you ... CLARITY. I love those moments of clarity hence loving revelations. You can probably guess where this one is going, huh?

I had a revelation recently, and for no other reason besides just being my typical self and not EVER being able to completely stop thinking about the whole marriage thing, I found new clarity behind my distorted way of thinking. Yep, you totally saw that one coming, huh? Well, this is good, so you're gonna want to keep reading.

Wedding Day by Casting Crowns ...
There's a stirring in the throne room
And all creation holds it's breath
Waiting now to see the bridgegroom
Wondering how the bride will dress
And she wears white

And she knows that she's undeserving
She bears the shame of history
With this worn and weary maiden
Is not the bride that he sees
And she wears white head to toe
But only he can make it so

When someone dries your tears
When someone wins your heart
and says your beautiful
When you don't know you are
And all you long to see
Is written on his face
Love has come and finally set you free
On that wedding day

She has danced in golden castles
And she has crawled through beggar's dust
But today she stands before him
And she wears his righteousness
And she will be who he adores
And this is what he made her for

When the hand that bears the only scars
And heaven touch her face
And the last tears she'll ever cry
Are finally wiped away
And the clouds roll back as he takes her hand
And walks her through the gates
Forever we will reign
On that Wedding Day

I hope you took the time to read those lyrics, because it was the basis of my whole revelation. What a song. I tear up every time I hear it, because it holds such a strong promise for all of those girls (including me) out there believing that an earthly prince charming exists and will come galloping in on his white horse.
Whether or not I ever get married or even have the wedding I've always dreamed of, I AM promised a wedding day. A wedding day with Christ. I should probably leave the bulk of this post to the lyrics instead of adding my words which cannot even begin to compare to the picture conveyed by the words above, but then it's me we're talking about here, so here is my two cents.

What little girl hasn't dreamed of her wedding day? The beautiful, white dress. The flowers. The friends. The family. The love. These dreams will come true one day. The day I take my final breath on this earth and am ushered to the gates of heaven. The first thing I see as I walk that aisle is the eternal Prince of Peace waiting for me. The only one who has ever looked at me and said, "I love you with an unconditional love that sees past all of your failures, shortcomings, imperfections, and disappointments. I see you for who you are. The bride of Christ. I have laid down my life for yours, and there's nothing you could ever do to earn or deserve this sacrifice I made for you. Come just as you are, and I will clothe you in my righteousness. You are my Father's beautiful creation." Despite the shame and remorse for yesterday, I know I have finally reached my wedding day (side note: I realize there was probably some deeper theological meaning intended for this song a.k.a. the uniting of the church with Christ at his second coming, but this is just what God has placed in my heart).

This has brought such peace and contentment to my heart that it is difficult to articulate with words. Each day is a struggle to trust God with everything from the biggest things to the littlest things.

Now that school is out, I hope to share more of my God moments from this semester.

Learning to love,
Jenna

Bringing Good Cheer

Christmas is my most favorite time of the year. Not only because of the giving and receiving of presents or all the delicious food and desert, but because people are generally nicer around the holidays, the music on KLOVE reminds me of the true reason we celebrate, and who could forget the bonding time with the fam?

I walked into Wal-Mart tonight, and lo and behold, there was a Christmas tree. I felt immediate joy and delight upon seeing such a beautiful sight. Trees, decorations, lights, and sparkly ornaments bring all of my wonderful memories flooding back, and it serves as a constant reminder of my first Christmas spent in China when I realized the world does go on and the season isn't about me but about Jesus Christ.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

But Christmas also brings some hard times and sadness. There's always the change that comes with growing up. Things aren't the way they used to be. Siblings grow up and start new lives with their spouses and more families; meanwhile, I'm left trying to figure out where I fit into the new picture that we call family. In addition to changes, there is the loss of family members who were the the mainstays of so many past holidays. The days of Christmas past in the home of my Mamaw and Papaw are days that I will never forget, but they will never be the same without them. Not a day will pass that I won't miss them or thank God for the memories I did have with them. On top of all these things, Christmas always seems to bring out the relationship/marriage card. I bet you didn't see that one coming .... haha! Holidays always remind me that once again I am alone and without the one thing that seems to complete everyone else's holiday season.

"An insecure woman has her world centered on something (marriage) or someone (Mr. Right) that can be lost or taken away. Insecurity keeps a woman from experiencing consistent joy even within a relationship because a man cannot provide security, only God can." How true this is. I have to stop the "woe me" and "pity me" attitude during the holidays. So what that I am alone in one respect, but I am surrounded by a family who loves me and cherishes me. Just ask them. I may be one of the most talkative in the family, one of the most stubborn, and one of the most unusual members of my family, but they love me ... I know they do. I also have the love my Heavenly Father who has always been by my side and always will be. What more could I ask for during one of the most joyous times of the year?

"No man, not even a husband, can fill the need you have for secure love. Only Jesus who "is the same yesterday and today, and forever," will never disappoint or fail you (Heb. 13:8)." Let me preface all of this with the fact that this is a pep talk to myself and is only meant to serve as a way to share what God is teaching me and how He is molding my heart to be more like His during this time in my life. I can find this secure love in Jesus Christ alone ... not a husband. I have to stop waiting to live my life when I have a husband by my side. This is not a death sentence but a chance to live my life exactly the way God wants me to.

"Turn to your heavenly Father now. Pour out your heart's longing to be loved. See His arms open wide and His empty lap ready to embrace and hold you near. He considers you dear. He longs to give you satisfying love. Perhaps He does desire to give you a man to love also. But the man you marry cannot meet your need for security. Only God's love brings security." Do you hear Him calling you? because I do! I hear Him telling me to let go and fall into His loving arms. I close my eyes, and let my imagination do the rest ... I can crawl into His lap and let Him hold me close, wrapped in His arms as He comforts me with His promises. I am feeling more secure by the moment!

"He longs for you to be secure in His love. He wants to protect, lead, and love you. To develop security, give your heart and emotions to the Lord." Amen and amen. I can say amen, but actually doing it is a whole 'nother story. This holiday season, I am going to practice what I preach. I will give my heart and emotions to the Lord and rest in the security of His love.

"To build security into your life, spend time in God's Word. Proverbs 1:33 says to listen to God and live securely. As you do, you will find out what God is really like -- what His character is -- not just what you think or have heard He is like. You will be surprised at how differently He sees you than what you have thought."
And where else should I start but His word? God is so much more than what we can wrap our minds around, but He does give us a glimpse into His character through His word.

Here's where I am going to start:
"In First Peter 2:4, God says you are choice and precious to Him. He calls you precious, honored, loved. and His redeemed one in Isaiah 43:1-6. Isaiah43:7 says you were created for His glory. You are very special to God -- so special that He plans for you: 'plans for [your] welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope' (Jer. 29:11b)."
"You are accepted (Rom. 15:7); you are not condemned (Rom. 8:1); and you are His child (Jn. 1:12). you are also the temple of God (1 Cor. 3:17). He is your adequacy (2 Cor. 3:5) and He leads you in His triumph (2 Cor. 2:14)."

Just wanted to share my thoughts and more importantly some Scripture.

Learning to love,
Jenna