Things are about to get real, and if I had to put a dollar in a jar for every time I have said // you're about to think I'm crazy // on this blog or in person, I would have saved up enough money to go on a cruise by now{can you tell I've been daydreaming this summer?}.
It's about to get crazy on this blog. Crazy real life. I know that if it sounds crazy to me, it is going to be even crazier to all you people out there that actually read this mess of a blog. Side note // my latest phrase to describe my life which I picked up on KLove just last week is {the hot mess express}. So welcome aboard. Enjoy the ride.
If this were an award show, I would be getting the award for being convicted about the strangest things. Recently at the top of this conviction list. My hair. I love my hair. Call me prideful. Call me shallow. Call me vain. But I love my hair. From the fat kid who has never been a beauty queen, I have felt I deserved at least this one thing. Just this one thing. Great hair. I especially love my hair when it's long. I can braid it. I can curl it. I can do beach waves. I can do a messy bun. The trendy phrase that started not too long ago / / "long" hair don't care / / Never was there such truth. My long hair don't care, but I do. I care more than I would want anyone to ever know.
I first discovered this problem in college. Middle of sophomore year. But at that point, it wasn't that big of a deal to me and I just didn't really care as much. Because I was still young and not anticipating getting married anytime soon {I'll get back to this in a second}. Next stop. Middle of grad school. Between year one and year two of grad school. This was when things got real. So I'm sure by now you're thinking what is it with your hair? Who cares? I know. I know. I hear you. But here are my thoughts {as stupid and unfounded as they are}. I have for many years found my worth and beauty in my long hair. I cannot even honestly tell you why that is. I just feel in my mind and my heart my hair is the only thing of beauty I have going for me. If you want to throw in even more of a trainwreck in there, let's just also talk about the fact that I've always pictured myself getting married with my hair long and curled. It's just this expectation and hope that I've always clung to. Back in grad school {at the age that I always thought I would get married when I was growing up}, chopping off my hair was hard and almost physically hurt as much as it did emotionally. Life went on.
And here I am three years later with my hair at the exact length I love it at. Long, easy, functional. Maybe even, dare I say, beautiful. I don't want to cut my hair. But I will. Because I value my relationship and intimacy with God far more than my earthly beauty or favor.
How many times have you heard this verse? Probably enough times to make you want to roll your eyes. You know when you've been told something or read something so many times that you become numb to it and forget its true meaning? Sometimes I feel that way about this verse. But charming girls get ahead in this world. But beautiful girls get husbands. I think I want to be charming and beautiful, but the more I strive for those things, the bigger the void in my heart grows. When I seek after the Lord, the void closes. God specifically placed those words in Proverbs for us, ladies, because He knew in his infinite knowledge that we would need to be constantly reminded. My value and my worth. Your value and your worth are not to be measured by earthly scales but only by His. I am valuable and worthy. You are valuable and worthy because you are created in the image of God.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27 {NIV}
He formed me. He formed you to reflect His image not the world's expectations.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body." Psalm 139: 13-16 {NIV}
Do you know that today? Do you know how valuable you are in God's eyes? Do you know that He sees you as you? Not for your height, weight, appearance but for you. He loves you and is jealous for you.
