Seize the Day

Do you ever lie in bed at night and just think about God and what He is thinking? Well, I do. Lately, I have been thinking about what He would say to me if I was sitting at His feet chatting with Him. I truly believe He would say,
"Jenna, why won't you just trust me? Don't you know that I have good plans for you, to prosper you not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future? If you will just trust me with your heart, you will never be disappointed or alone. If you will let go and let me fulfill your heart's every desire, there is no need to want for anything else. You are my daughter, my princess, my beloved, and I will hold you in my arms. Don't miss out on my plan for you in the here and now by dwelling on the there and then."
And at this point, He would start singing "This is the Day" in Chinese just to make me smile, because it makes me tear up just typing that, much less hearing Him say it. "This is the day that I have made, Jenna, so rejoice and be glad in it."

"Singleness is an enviable conidtion. An unmarried woman has something that a married woman gives up on her wedding day: extra time with Jesus. Too many young women waste valuable years as they wait for life to begin -- after marriage. They rarely realize the priceless free time they waste, until it is gone."

"Rather than wasting precious moments fantasizing about an earthly lover, take advantage of your free hours each day to serve the Lord of Heaven ... Your single state may not be permanent, but it definitely is not to be a comatose state until Prince Charming arrives and whisks you off to his castle. Single women are not "Sleeping Beauties" waiting for their prince to fight his way through the thorns and past the wicked witch to finally kiss them awake. That is an illusion often used by the enemy to defraud women."

"Is there an opportunity of service that you have avoided because you can't give up your "post on the castle wall" looking for your knight in shining armor?"

I don't know how or where, but I am determined to get more involved in the Lord's work. I get so caught up in my so-called "busy" life that I forget to truly look for opportunities to serve others. I want to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading in my life, and be ready at a moment's notice to jump on board with whatever He has planned.
I'm really at a loss for words tonight, so I'm taking that as God's sign for me to just shut up and stop talking. So let me end with this verse:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Col. 3:23

Learning to love,
Jenna

The Single Life

"To be involved in the simplest form of ministry may require the married woman three times as much time to accomplish, in comparison to the single woman. Although a single woman may long for the "chaos" of a family, she must not waste her time wishing for it. She must be diligent to use her single time wisely now. She has more control over her time and choices now than she will probably ever have again."

As promised, I must share the perks of being single on my family vacation. I will be honest that I wasn't looking forward to this vacation as much as everyone else was. (dear family, if you are reading this, please read all as to better understand my meaning in this entry! haha!)I mean just think about it: mother+father, brother+sister-in-law+nephews, sister+brother-in-law, AND don't forget jenna+nobody ... haha! I was not looking forward to the constant reminder of being alone and hopeless. My fam is amazing and always supportive of me in everything that I do, but of course, I am human and somewhat envious of what they all have (marriage this is).I thought that my singleness would just get under my skin all the more on this trip, but as always, God surprised me.

First of all, I got an entire bedroom to myself with my own bathroom and jacuzzi tub overlooking God's creation. The first thing i realized that I was anything but alone. I was closer to God than I ever have been. I was able to truly bask in His closeness. How precious that is. I could feel God's direction so clearly especially with starting this blog and how He wants to use it for His glory (which is really all I want out of this blog stuff!!). I had my own little mountain retreat there in our cabin. One word. Awesome.

Second of all, at Dollywood, (btw this one isn't quite as deep as the first reason, but every reason serves its purpose in reminding me that singleness is not my punishment) all of the couples took turns switching out watching the kids when we rode some of the rides, and I never had to do it due to none of the couples wanting to split up. I don't want to sound like I didn't help out with my nephews the whole day, because I love them with all of my heart and enjoy every single minute with them. I just want to make a point that this was somewhat of a perk, because I am a bit of a rollercoaster junkie.

Last of all, people who barely know me as a person usually know how much I love my nephews, because I talk about them all the time and flaunt pictures of their precious faces. As much as I love those two precious little boys, being a mother and wife is not as glamorous or fun as our minds make it out to me. Baby vomit and a crying two-year-old is enough to remind me that the single life has its rewards too. fyi ... this by no means changes one of the deepest desires of my heart to get married and have children, but in this time in my life, I am better able to understand the place God has me. "The perfect time to make the most of every opportunity is while you are single. Every believer should use time wisely, as Ephesians 5:15-17 (NIV) says: 'Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.'"

Okay, I don't know if this made any sense to yall, but somewhere in the inner parts of my mind (which is a scary place), it makes sense to me. These are just small things that God used to help me see that He wants me to be content and satisfied in Him and His plan for my life. We just have to look at the positive side of things. Sometimes they may be small, stupid, or silly, but I have found that it is so important to see not only the big things but also the small ones.

"Our selfish nature tends to focus on what we do not have rather than on what we do have -- free time -- that can be used for others and ourselves. Is your life on hold until you have someone to hold?"

No matter what God's plan is for me in the future, I will live for today and be happy and content with the Lover of my Soul and my Prince of Peace. My moutain retreat ended today, so now to apply all that God has been teaching me in my week away from my normal, average, single life. I can't wait to see what God has in store.

Learning to love,
Jenna

Good, Better, or BEST

If you know me, you know I LOVE to read books. If you really know me, you know I usually ONLY read romance fiction books ... given, they almost always have some underlying Christian theme of forgiveness, healing, etc. My love for reading has always been centered around these Christian fiction romance books, and year after year of reading and rereading these fictional fantasies, let's just say that it left me a little delusional. My brain moved to some other planet where it believed that my life would turn out like at least one of them if not all of them. haha! For some reason, I convinced myself that I would find a man just like all of those ridiculously perfect guys in my books. oh the heartache I caused myself by reading those books for so long. I mean let's be honest ... others have not been the only ones feeding me with this "find a husband or die" mentality. I have been choosing to torture myself, but not anymore. Maybe someday I will be able to read those books again in moderation, but for now, I have to stop doing that to myself.

Yesterday, my family and I went shopping here in Pigeon Forge, TN (we are on family vaca, which btw has been SO much fun) at the Tanger outlets, and there in the distance I see a discount Christian bookstore. I beelined for the store, and immediately upon walking in, I saw at least two tables stacked high with what else besides Christian fiction romance books. I walked up and down the length of both tables and soon realized that I just couldn't do it anymore. I picked up one book and it was SO typical ... girl is troubled, boy is the hero, girl meets boy, girl resists, boy saves the day, girl and boy get married and live happily ever after ... go figure! haha! I slightly giggled at myself (out loud might I add) and slowly but surely returned the book back to the table. I surveyed the store and saw a table for Christian living, so I decided to check it out. Of course God knows everything, but kill me, I'm human ... so it always surprises me when God brings me to a moment that I know it is exactly God's plan. I'm sure He just looks down on me and shakes His head sometimes. haha! The very first book I saw was "Every Thought Captive" by Jerusha Clark. It seems like I have heard of it before somewhere, but the first thing that hit me was ... this is exactly what I need.

My thoughts are what always bring me down. There are times when I wish I could just shut my brain OFF, but as we all very well know, we just can't do that. Anyway, I'm just starting to read that, so I'll let yall know how it goes. Also, on another note, I've also been reading some other books that are really challenging me to grow closer to God and as a result living a life more sold out for Christ.

Okay, well, another point I wanted to make is that there are so many "GOOD" things in life even "BETTER" things such as Christian fiction romance books which can distract us from God's "BEST." I don't want to get distracted by those things when I could be experiencing the best God has for us. Sometimes it may even be that marriage is only a good thing in God's plan for my life while singleness is God's BEST for my life. Who knows? I don't, but God does. That is enough for me.

Learning to love,
Jenna

p.s. Stay tuned for an upcoming blog entry on the perks of being the only single person on your family vacation, and I am not being sarcastic at all. This is so legit! :)

Reckless Abandonment

Reckless abandonment. What does that mean to me? It means throwing off all the things of this world and running as fast as I can toward Jesus and not caring about a single thing along the way. This very accurately characterizes Ruth in the Bible. She gave up everything she had ever known to follow God with this kind of reckless abandonment. This is one of my favorite stories in the Bible, and I know that God put her story in the Bible to encourage us and teach us. "She wanted God's will, not hers; His blueprints, not her elementary scribbling; God's assignment, not her foolish plans." This is so true. That is exactly what I want, but do I truly live like this? Ruth did, and I believe there is so much we can learn from her.

"A single woman today needs the boldness to challenge and break the cycle of the "American way" that exalts a relationship with a man as the answer to life. This "American way" blurs the reality of the ultimate answer to life found in a deep relationship with Jesus Christ." I know many of you can relate to how hard it is to break the cycle of the "American way," but it is crucial to finding true happiness and satisfaction.

"The depth of your relationship with God is up to you. God has no favorites; the choice to surrender is yours. A.W. Tozer so brilliantly stated in his book The Pursuit of God: 'It will require a determined heart and more than a little courage to wrench ourselves loose from the grip of our times and return to Biblical ways.'"

So many times we settle for a surface-level, mediocre relationship with God, because it is easier. Who really looks forward to being convicted of their sinfulness or pushed out of their comfort zone?? NOT ME!!! But our relationship with God should be so much more than this. He desires to have an intimate relationship with us like no other relationship. He can satisfy our deepest needs like no one and nothing else. I am learning these things very slowly, but I am trying each day to go deeper with God, to really experience His presence and to fall madly in love with the Creator of the universe.

Now, the hard part ... we have to "wrench ourselves loose from the grip of our times." It is so hard to let go of what has been engrained into our minds since childhood, but this is our challenge ... to live our lives according to Biblical ways and not earthly ways.

Once again learning to love,
Jenna

My Alabaster Box

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when when she marriesa man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

Have you ever heard the story of the alabaster box? Obviously, this is a very well-known story in the Bible, but this book gave me a whole new perspective on my alabaster box. Anyway, the story goes like this ... There was a woman who came to Jesus in his last week before he was crucified, and despite her reputation as a terrible sinner (which, btw ... who isn't?), she poured the expensive perfume from her box onto Jesus' head anointing him. Let me give you a little background on the alabaster box a.k.a. jar which had a very special meaning. Each woman had one of these boxes or jars, and their parents bought a perfume that symbolized their family's wealth. When a man comes to marry the woman, she is to break this alabaster box at his feet. This woman found Jesus worthy of such a sacrifice and honor that she gave such a priceless gift to him.

Now an excerpt from "Lady in Waiting" which really hits home with me ...
"What is in your alabaster box? Is your box full of fantasies that began as a little girl while you listened to and watched fairy tales about an enchanting couple living happily ever after? Have you been holding on tightly to your alabaster box of dreams, frantically searching for a man worthy of breaking your box? Take your alabaster box to Jesus and break it in His presence, for He is worthy of such honor. Having responded to your Heavenly Bridegroom in such a manner, you can wait with confident assurance that, if it be God's will, He will provide you with an earthly bridegroom. ... Take your alabaster box, with your body, soul, and dreams, and entrust them to Jesus. When He is your Lord, you can joyfully walk in the path of life that He has for you."

I cannot even begin to put into words how true this is for me. I have been fantasizing and dreaming of getting married since I was a little girl. Not only did I watch every possible fairy tale as a child, but it only got worse as I got older. I read every romance book and watched every romance movie I could get my hands on, and I have been clenching onto my alabaster box for dear life like it was either find a husband or DIE. Oh how dramatic I can be. haha! This was such a wake-up call to me. I'm done with this chasing after fantasies and dreams stuff. It is time to truly break my alabaster box at the feet of Jesus. He is the only one worthy of my heart, and I know He is the only one who can make my dreams come true.

I am truly tasting freedom from this burden I have carried for so long, and I feel my relationship with God deepening more each day. I am still struggling with this, and when I do revert back to my old habits, I just remind myself that I didn't get this way overnight and won't radically change overnight either. I am so deeply in love with Christ, and I want to become so lost in His love that I never want for any other kind. This is the beginning of a journey for me, and no matter where it leads me, I know God will help me get there in His timing.

Learning to Love,
Jenna

Brand New Start

I can't say that I know why I am doing this other than I am just doing what God is telling me to do. Back in January, God turned my entire world upside down with the book, Lady In Waiting. I don't know how many times God has turned your world upside down, but let's just say it is never much fun. This wasn't the first time nor will it be the last, and I am thankful that God loves me enough to remove me from my complacency.

Anyway, about the book ... Since I was a little girl, I have had Sunday School teacher, after GA teacher, after church leaders who have unknowingly corrupted my entire view of God and marriage. I get the concept that these people were just trying to make me feel special and happy, but in the long run, now all I have is many years of lying to myself to reverse. Who decided that it was a good idea to tell all the little girls in the church and probably outside of the church that "God has a special person picked out for every single one of you?" Please tell me where this is found in the Bible, because I can tell you right now that my Bible says that it is better to not get married so as to devote our entire lives to God. I realize that the whole creation of the world was based on one man and one woman who were husband and wife and made babies, but God never once promises this to every single once of us. For the longest time, I saw it as my right to get married ... that somehow God owed it to me to bring me a husband. I fooled myself into thinking that my life was incomplete without this "Christian American Dream." Little did I know that I have been wasting precious time in my life when I could be growing deeper and deeper in my relationship with God, but instead I was pining away after my nonexistent prince charming who everyone would say just took a wrong turn somewhere and got lost. Sometime last semester, it finally hit me that God wanted me to pursue Him the way I had always dreamed of being pursued by my so-called prince charming. That's when it happened ... I realized that I didn't need a man to complete me. God is in the business of completing hearts, not us.

Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing, and perfect will."

I don't know whether I will ever get married. There is still a strong desire in my heart to get married, but I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I want to seek God's will and not my own. Sure, it is very possible that God wants me to stay single for the rest of my life, and if this is the case, I will gladly accept this future and move forward in my journey to serve God with my life. I am so tired of pretending that I am a princess standing at the castle window staring off into the distance hoping that my prince charming is going to come around the corner any second. God wants all of us to turn away from the window and trust him. Last semester, I had finally turned away from the window, but sometime in the last three months, I got scared, looked back, caught a glimpse of something shiny (of course the armour of my prince charming, duh!), and all out death sprinted back to my window for prince patrol. I realize how ridiculously cheesy this sounds, but it's the truth.

I'm starting a new phase of my life right now. I graduated from college in May, and I start speech path grad school in August. I started a new job and got a new apartment, so basically, everything in my life is changing ... that is, except God. I want to use this blog to document my struggles and my victories, my heartaches and my rejoicing. Each time I want to share something from the book and how I am applying it to my life or what it means to me. I know this is going to be a long and hard journey (especially when you remember the 18 years of lies I have believed and must reverse), but it is going to be so worth it when I come out on the other side on fire for God and with a heart devoted to the only Prince Charming I will ever need.

Jenna