Welcome to Reality

Do you ever wake up from a dream and close your eyes really quickly, squeeze them shut, and hope that you can return for just a moment longer to enjoy something that never happens in reality? And after lying completely still for about three solid minutes in hopes of returning to those few moments of bliss, you give up in hopelessness. The dream is gone ... as gone as yesterday's news. How depressing. It wasn't real. I very rarely have dreams that I can remember much less get so deeply involved that I mistake it for reality, but when I do have them, they are intense and so real it would seem I could actually reach out and touch ... and actually feel something. I know this is a little strange, but true nonetheless. I honestly don't know why or how I fall into this trap every time, but somehow I do. The worst part is waking up, looking at your alarm clock, and realizing that it was all just a dream. Let's just say ... only in my dreams. Dreams are great, but when we get so caught up in dreams, we lose sight of the joys of reality. Although reality isn't always what we would choose, shouldn't we be okay with the fact that reality is exactly where God wants us. Reality is that God has a special plan for our lives. I think that is my greatest struggle to accept the reality I have been given. Back a couple months ago, I was driving (which seems to be all that I do these days) back from my cousin's birthday party, and I was just making my way down the interstate. As I looked up ahead of me, I saw some really strange form on the road. At first it resembled a huge monster, then I convinced myself it was an eighteen wheeler on the back of an eighteen wheeler, and THEN I decided it was really a monster. I was so confused, and I just could NOT figure out what it was. Finally, as I drove closer to it, there it was (plain as day).... a golf cart. Really? A golf cart? I did not see that one coming. Isn't that life though? We see things from miles away and make a judgement based on the distorted view we have, but as we get closer, the whole picture seems to become clearer. This happens to me so often in life, and I feel like it can really apply to the topic of choice which is ... duh! marriage. As singles, we look at marriage as this amazing, perfect, and wonderful thing that just completes life, but in reality, it has its hardships, troubles, and heartaches same as singleness. We have such a bad habit of distorting reality into what our eyes are telling us we see versus seeing it for what it really is.

This whole semester has passed by in a blur, and God has taught me so much throughout this new experience. Grad school is a great distraction which is probably a good and bad thing. On one hand, it distracts me so well that I don't even have time to think about my state of singleness. Actually, it reminds me why I am single considering how swamped I felt between class, homework, clinic, and everything else in the SLP world. On the other hand, I got so busy and distracted that I just stopped dealing with it altogether which I realize isn't exactly the right answer to the problem either. It's an easy out, and I know it. Will the struggle ever end? I doubt it. Do I want it to? No. The more I struggle, the closer I grow to God. Everyone has their struggles, and I'm just gonna have to accept mine for what it is, allow God to use it to strengthen our relationship and teach me to find contentment in every stage of life. Nothing too philosophical tonight, but just laying my heart out there. All for the glory of God.

Learning to love,
Jenna