Once again, it's the day of love. VALENTINE'S DAY. There are two general feelings toward this day. People either LOVE it or HATE it. There's usually no in between. I mean let's be real, Wal-Mart looks like Valentine's Day threw up in there, and I'm not gonna lie, I don't hate it. I actually looked around the other night and thought about how blessed and loved I am. It was a pretty great feeling.
On Sunday, as I was driving back to Columbus, it was the most entertaining drive ever. I first saw a heart happy valentine's balloon in the back of a car, and as I went to pass it, there were a couple of guys probably driving back to school or elsewhere. I was just picturing the face of the girl receiving that balloon (and possible stuffed animal in the lap of the passenger guy), and I couldn't help but laugh. Maybe I'm the only one who finds flowers, balloons, chocolates, and stuffed animals overrated, but I guess since the day is so special to celebrate LOVE, I would hope that guys AND girls would find that special way to express how much they care and how much they love each other. It can even be free as long as it's from the heart. The next vehicle I passed (which let me clarify that I don't usually creep at other cars, but just couldn't resist today) was a guy driving and a girl who was so close to him that she was fairly close to being in his lap. Well, yep ... of course she caught me staring (awkward) and seemed to return a little to her seat. I just couldn't help but laugh out loud for really no reason at all except that I got caught staring at that awkward moment.
Valentine's day is about showing people how much you love them ... family, friends, significant others. It doesn't matter who it is as long as you tell them you love them. Some say that Valentine's is stupid, because you should do this everyday, and on some level, I agree. Today holds a lot of emotions, hopes, fears, and doubts, and no matter what anyone says, they all want to just have someone take the time to tell them that they are loved. How simple is that? We take for granted that God created us to be relational and to crave love and acceptance. The best part is that he offers us that love and acceptance we so crave.
When we were younger, Valentine's Day was about buying little cards for our friends and getting candy from our parents. At some point in like 5th or 6th grade that changed. This day became more about the pressure put on us by the world instead of appreciating a day where we can just express our love for others. The pressure to find that special someone to share this day with can be crazy overwhelming, but until you find love within yourself and those around you, you'll never be able to fully love someone else. I'm so thankful that I have a God who loves me just the way I am, and he longs for me to turn away from my prince patrol and find myself complete in Him. As I was driving back, this song came on the radio, and my prayer for every girl is that she will find her beauty from within her heart. Our worth and our beauty are not judged upon our earthly relationships but our heavenly ONE.
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight
Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
What a wonderful day today is along with every other day. I choose to love today. Love who, you may ask? Everyone. even those who make it hard to love. I choose love. not hate, because if God is love, that's what I want to be too. I see today as an opportunity to show love to those who maybe aren't expecting it or feel like no one in the world cares. I feel the love of God surrounding me today as I wish everyone a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How will you spend this day? Will you choose love?
Learning to LOVE,
Jenna
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Lessons Learned
Well, I'm not complaining, but God talked my ears off yesterday. Fortunately, He had something to say to my wonderful, lovely mother as well.
Lesson #1
We sang the song, Everlasting God," and all I heard was
STRENGTH WILL RISE AS I WAIT UPON THE LORD
I WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD
I WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD
All I could think to say in response to this was "okay, God, I got it." I am terrible at waiting. I hate it almost as much as I hated vegetables when I was little. The message was so clear, and although I hate waiting, I do love waiting on God's perfect ways.
Lesson #2
Bro. Wayne never fails to do one of the following: convict me, confirm God's plans, or connect the dots. (not to mention teach me how to make three points all starting with the same letter). Anyway, the sermon today was about moving from our desperation to God's destination. God's path is not always logical. Hmmm ... this seems to be the story of my life. Of course, we always want the easy road, but let's face it, the Christian life isn't easy nor is it advertised to be.
Lesson #3
The sermon today just so happened to provide me with multiple lessons, so bear with me as I break it down. His plans are not always known in advance. Well, duh. I know that's what you are thinking, but this just really rung true to me today. We are to look for our faith instead of fear. I am so guilty of being so hard on the Israelites and judging them for their lack of faith. I'm hypocritical enough to think that the Israelites were stupid enough to mess things up after they had seen God come through so many times (a.k.a. parting the Red Sea, providing water and food). You would think that after they needed water the first time and SHOCKER God provided that when the second time came around in need of water, they would at least trust that God would provide the SECOND time. It is so easy for me to think how ridiculous they sound not believing that God could do something that He has done before, and SMACK. There it is. I'm so CRAZY. I'm sure God is thinking how I should really open my eyes to my own life.
Lesson #4
God's master plan for my life does not need my help ... only my obedience. I've put my yes on the table. I'm willing to go wherever He leads me. My entire life is set before me, and I am willing to follow Him to the end of the earth.
Isaiah 14:13-14 "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today ... The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent
This last week was strangely exceptional with a huge surprising twist. On Wednesday night, my good friend, Kayla Carter, text me to tell me she was going back to our frozen city in East Asia, and something in my heart just exploded. I couldn't stand it any longer, and I knew what I had to do. I have to go back. I just have to, BUT of course, the first thing that came to mind was 4 distinct problems. 1)what if my supervisors have too many other coming,etc. 2)who will I travel over with? 3)who will I travel back with? 4)how will I pay for it? Needless to say, I was skeptical that God really wanted me to go with those 4 problems piled into a gigantic mountain in my way. Within five minutes of talking to Kayla, I received an email from a non-believer friend over in EA asking me when I was coming back and how much they miss me. Talk about a dagger to the heart. It was in that moment I knew I had to do anything I could to get back. Within another 24 hours, my awesome, amazing, ridiculously crazy wonderful God had given me answers to problems #1, #2, and #3. and I mean WOW. My mouth was pretty much dragging on the floor. And mother, if you read this, I'm sorry to say that you were obstacle #5 which I didn't really think about until I had fully decided this is what I was going to do. BTW, thanks for kind of giving me your blessing, and THANK YOU, GOD, for convicting her for doubting that you can provide the money for me to go. Yep, that's right... that leaves me with only problem #4, and I'm not even gonna lie ... it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about how I am going to come up with all of that money, but I refuse to be an Israelite and doubt God. My heart is seriously on the verge of exploding due to my ridiculous JOY over going back. I know that God is going to do A-MAZING things.
Learning to love,
Jenna
P.S. ONE DAY UNTIL VALENTINE'S DAY! AND YES, I AM STILL PUMPED ABOUT THIS! AHHHH!
Lesson #1
We sang the song, Everlasting God," and all I heard was
STRENGTH WILL RISE AS I WAIT UPON THE LORD
I WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD
I WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD
All I could think to say in response to this was "okay, God, I got it." I am terrible at waiting. I hate it almost as much as I hated vegetables when I was little. The message was so clear, and although I hate waiting, I do love waiting on God's perfect ways.
Lesson #2
Bro. Wayne never fails to do one of the following: convict me, confirm God's plans, or connect the dots. (not to mention teach me how to make three points all starting with the same letter). Anyway, the sermon today was about moving from our desperation to God's destination. God's path is not always logical. Hmmm ... this seems to be the story of my life. Of course, we always want the easy road, but let's face it, the Christian life isn't easy nor is it advertised to be.
Lesson #3
The sermon today just so happened to provide me with multiple lessons, so bear with me as I break it down. His plans are not always known in advance. Well, duh. I know that's what you are thinking, but this just really rung true to me today. We are to look for our faith instead of fear. I am so guilty of being so hard on the Israelites and judging them for their lack of faith. I'm hypocritical enough to think that the Israelites were stupid enough to mess things up after they had seen God come through so many times (a.k.a. parting the Red Sea, providing water and food). You would think that after they needed water the first time and SHOCKER God provided that when the second time came around in need of water, they would at least trust that God would provide the SECOND time. It is so easy for me to think how ridiculous they sound not believing that God could do something that He has done before, and SMACK. There it is. I'm so CRAZY. I'm sure God is thinking how I should really open my eyes to my own life.
Lesson #4
God's master plan for my life does not need my help ... only my obedience. I've put my yes on the table. I'm willing to go wherever He leads me. My entire life is set before me, and I am willing to follow Him to the end of the earth.
Isaiah 14:13-14 "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today ... The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent
This last week was strangely exceptional with a huge surprising twist. On Wednesday night, my good friend, Kayla Carter, text me to tell me she was going back to our frozen city in East Asia, and something in my heart just exploded. I couldn't stand it any longer, and I knew what I had to do. I have to go back. I just have to, BUT of course, the first thing that came to mind was 4 distinct problems. 1)what if my supervisors have too many other coming,etc. 2)who will I travel over with? 3)who will I travel back with? 4)how will I pay for it? Needless to say, I was skeptical that God really wanted me to go with those 4 problems piled into a gigantic mountain in my way. Within five minutes of talking to Kayla, I received an email from a non-believer friend over in EA asking me when I was coming back and how much they miss me. Talk about a dagger to the heart. It was in that moment I knew I had to do anything I could to get back. Within another 24 hours, my awesome, amazing, ridiculously crazy wonderful God had given me answers to problems #1, #2, and #3. and I mean WOW. My mouth was pretty much dragging on the floor. And mother, if you read this, I'm sorry to say that you were obstacle #5 which I didn't really think about until I had fully decided this is what I was going to do. BTW, thanks for kind of giving me your blessing, and THANK YOU, GOD, for convicting her for doubting that you can provide the money for me to go. Yep, that's right... that leaves me with only problem #4, and I'm not even gonna lie ... it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about how I am going to come up with all of that money, but I refuse to be an Israelite and doubt God. My heart is seriously on the verge of exploding due to my ridiculous JOY over going back. I know that God is going to do A-MAZING things.
Learning to love,
Jenna
P.S. ONE DAY UNTIL VALENTINE'S DAY! AND YES, I AM STILL PUMPED ABOUT THIS! AHHHH!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Search is Over Part 2
Which leads to the Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not defraud thyself.
Like I mentioned before, Naomi knew that although Boaz was willing to step in as Ruth's kinsman redeemer, there was the possibility of another man who was an even closer kinsman redeemer. Naomi wanted to protect Ruth from allowing her "heart to race ahead into disappointment in case the circumstances did not go as assumed."
Ditches of discontentment are where I have lived for far too long desperately clutching my supposedly innocent defrauding ways. It is so easy to be defrauded by guys, friends, and especially oneself if we are not alert to the ways this happens. Herein lies probably one of my greatest struggles, and one in which I will probably always battle. "Some women are so emotionally scarred from falling into such a ditch that it literally takes them years to recover and rediscover the capacity to trust any male in their life."
When I first read about "defrauding," I immediately thought that I don't really know what it is, but that doesn't happen to me. Oh how I didn't realize how wrong I was. I have spent the majority of my life defrauding myself and never recognizing it for what it is. Bear with me as I give a little history. Once upon a time, there was this girl who befriended this boy. She basically committed herself to being whatever he needed ... a friend, a chauffeur, a mother-figure, a girl. She dropped everything for him, drove him everywhere, and gave him everything she had. Unfortunately for her, the boy only ever saw her as a friend. The girl has found the one-way ticket to the friend/mother zone where she lived. This however did not stop her from dreaming of the day that the boy would realize that she was the one he wanted to be with, that she was the one he cared for. The girl's lack of control over her imagination and "prenuptial fantasies" led her straight into deception and ultimately ruined the entire friendship. The boy and girl never recovered the friendship and are no more than strangers today.
Again, very sorry for the long quote, but it seriously just smacked me right in the face. I can't even tell you how often I catch myself in these absurd daydreams which are ultimately defrauding my heart and my mind. There are far, far too many examples of how self-defrauding has wreaked havoc in my life and my heart for me to even begin sharing about them, but the important thing for me is to hand this over to God and be aware of situations that could cause me to fall into these ditches of discontentment.
It's no mystery that I am a very prideful person. If I am carrying something heavy and someone offers to take it for me or help, I will respectfully decline even if I need the help. I'm usually too prideful to admit that I need help, that I'm scared, that I'm hurting, or that I might just possibly fail at something. My pride is the #1 thing that keeps me from being as forward with my faith as I should be or stopping on the side of the road to offer someone a ride or even just doing something that God is telling me to do that is completely unexpected and not normal. Cue my pride. It has always been one of my greatest problems to overcome my stubborn pride, and once again, my pride has reared its ugly head. The basis of my discontentment falls on my ridiculous pride. My pride tells me that I deserve this. I deserve to have a husband, a family, a house, a career, and with this pride comes the idea that God must have messed up somewhere ... that He must have fallen asleep and forgotten to give me exactly what I deserve. I'm sure God would just love to give me a nice swift kick in the butt sometimes, and I can't say that I would blame Him. I have this prideful assumption that I am getting jipped out of the life that I deserve which leads to little ME arguing with big GOD about what is best. Who do I think I am? Seriously, I am basically discounting so many promises God has made me ... that He loves me, He has plans for me, He will carry me, He will protect me, He alone brings contentment.
"Exchange your pride for Jesus' strength so you may accept whatever assignment [God] has for you from this moment forward."
"My soul finds rest in God alone ..." (Psalm 62:1)
Learning to love,
Jenna
Like I mentioned before, Naomi knew that although Boaz was willing to step in as Ruth's kinsman redeemer, there was the possibility of another man who was an even closer kinsman redeemer. Naomi wanted to protect Ruth from allowing her "heart to race ahead into disappointment in case the circumstances did not go as assumed."
Ditches of discontentment are where I have lived for far too long desperately clutching my supposedly innocent defrauding ways. It is so easy to be defrauded by guys, friends, and especially oneself if we are not alert to the ways this happens. Herein lies probably one of my greatest struggles, and one in which I will probably always battle. "Some women are so emotionally scarred from falling into such a ditch that it literally takes them years to recover and rediscover the capacity to trust any male in their life."
When I first read about "defrauding," I immediately thought that I don't really know what it is, but that doesn't happen to me. Oh how I didn't realize how wrong I was. I have spent the majority of my life defrauding myself and never recognizing it for what it is. Bear with me as I give a little history. Once upon a time, there was this girl who befriended this boy. She basically committed herself to being whatever he needed ... a friend, a chauffeur, a mother-figure, a girl. She dropped everything for him, drove him everywhere, and gave him everything she had. Unfortunately for her, the boy only ever saw her as a friend. The girl has found the one-way ticket to the friend/mother zone where she lived. This however did not stop her from dreaming of the day that the boy would realize that she was the one he wanted to be with, that she was the one he cared for. The girl's lack of control over her imagination and "prenuptial fantasies" led her straight into deception and ultimately ruined the entire friendship. The boy and girl never recovered the friendship and are no more than strangers today.
An important method of limiting your own self-defrauding is through daily discipline over "prenuptial fantasies." Such fantasies may provide you an escape from monotonous reality, but these moments are dangerous. They will aggravate your struggle for contentment because they are not innocent daydreams, but an attack on your godly contentment. You may be so used to daily fantasies that you might not even realize when you begin daydreaming again about your prince. Often a single woman's struggle with contentment can be traced back to her fantasies more than to her frustrating circumstances. Just think for a moment about three words from Second Corinthians 10:5: "Casting down imaginations." Fantasizing about a future with a guy you have been watching in Sunday school or at word is nothing more than your very active imagination. What should you do when you start daydreaming about a guy you've never dated or even formally met? You must take your thoughts to Jesus and leave them in His capable hands. This daily discipline of taking your fantasies to Jesus is the foundation for your future as a contented woman, whether you are married or single. Right now they are just prenuptial fantasies, but when you are married, those fantasies about other men could continue. Lack of discipline in the area of "casting down imaginations" may result in self-defrauding and needless discontentment.
Again, very sorry for the long quote, but it seriously just smacked me right in the face. I can't even tell you how often I catch myself in these absurd daydreams which are ultimately defrauding my heart and my mind. There are far, far too many examples of how self-defrauding has wreaked havoc in my life and my heart for me to even begin sharing about them, but the important thing for me is to hand this over to God and be aware of situations that could cause me to fall into these ditches of discontentment.
It's no mystery that I am a very prideful person. If I am carrying something heavy and someone offers to take it for me or help, I will respectfully decline even if I need the help. I'm usually too prideful to admit that I need help, that I'm scared, that I'm hurting, or that I might just possibly fail at something. My pride is the #1 thing that keeps me from being as forward with my faith as I should be or stopping on the side of the road to offer someone a ride or even just doing something that God is telling me to do that is completely unexpected and not normal. Cue my pride. It has always been one of my greatest problems to overcome my stubborn pride, and once again, my pride has reared its ugly head. The basis of my discontentment falls on my ridiculous pride. My pride tells me that I deserve this. I deserve to have a husband, a family, a house, a career, and with this pride comes the idea that God must have messed up somewhere ... that He must have fallen asleep and forgotten to give me exactly what I deserve. I'm sure God would just love to give me a nice swift kick in the butt sometimes, and I can't say that I would blame Him. I have this prideful assumption that I am getting jipped out of the life that I deserve which leads to little ME arguing with big GOD about what is best. Who do I think I am? Seriously, I am basically discounting so many promises God has made me ... that He loves me, He has plans for me, He will carry me, He will protect me, He alone brings contentment.
"Exchange your pride for Jesus' strength so you may accept whatever assignment [God] has for you from this moment forward."
"My soul finds rest in God alone ..." (Psalm 62:1)
Learning to love,
Jenna
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