When I was younger, I occasionally toyed with the idea of becoming a writer. I love to read novels, and I love to write. Having that type of control over a story would be nearly intoxicating. This should come as no surprise {considering my ongoing power struggle}. On the other hand, I never really saw myself with the needed focus to be a real writer, so I think I'll stick to my blogging.
Why have I always been so enamored with writing? Well, upon completing the 5th book in my most favorite series ever {the O'Malley series by Dee Henderson} for the sixth or seventh time, it made sense. I love to have creative control. I have seriously read enough romance, Christian, fiction books to create a type of love story encyclopedia. now wouldn't that be interesting? but seriously, I so could. The worst part {or I guess you could say the best part} is that these precious, heart-melting love stories centralize around God. Two people strongly committed to Christ and devoted to making a relationship/marriage work with God as it's foundation. What makes it so bad is that is exactly what I want.
I want to write my own story. I want creative control of my life. I want to take the best of the best and incorporate it into the most moving love story of all time that brings more glory to God than ever imagined. But you've already seen the flaw in my plan, haven't you? Me.Me.Me.Me.Me. That is what my world revolves around, so no wonder I have such a distorted view. My shortcomings make me sick to my stomach, because how could I ever want my earthly plans for a love story when the Bible says that God can give us more than we could ever ask or imagine. In reality, if God gave me the love story that I could write, it would probably be less than mediocre.
Now let me provide some clarification on this whole {love story} business. I don't necessarily mean love as in marriage. I only mean an intimate love that can be found through Jesus Christ. Marriage or no marriage, there is still very much a love story to be told, because my relationship with God should tell a love story each and every day. There is so much pressure to be in a {earthly} relationship, get engaged, get married, have 2.5 children, and live happily after. But if God didn't create me for anything else, I'm pretty sure He put me here to ROCK THE BOAT.
Quick confession: All of this pressure on marriage has almost broken me. I cannot deny that. So much so that at one point I almost took off my true love waits ring out of sheer embarrassment over my singleness. My thoughts were this: How pathetic it must look for me to continue wearing a ring that was meant as a promise to stay pure until marriage if I never get married.
But then it hit me {in good ole' God hittin' me with a 2x4 fashion). This ring is more than a promise to stay pure until marriage. This ring is a covenant that I made with God at a very young age to stay pure for Him. There are two scenarios in which this covenant can play out:
1} Let's say by some miracle that I do get married. This ring still and will always represents a pledge of purity that I have taken to regard my body as God's temple and to remain pure until I am married to a man.
2} But if singleness is God's plan for my life, OKAY. that's it. okay. My covenant to treat my body as His temple and stay pure in thought and action is still relevant. Outside of marriage, I am still called to live a life of purity.
I get a lot of questions about my ring. It surprises people, and honestly, most people don't know what they are anymore. This is mostly because true love waits rings have gotten a bad reputation for being misused and abused. They became more about being a {church-y} thing to do instead of a covenant with God to live and pure and holy lifestyle that is pleasing to Him. I don't wear this ring as a hopeful reminder that I must get married one day to fulfill my pledge of purity until marriage. When you really think about, purity doesn't stop once you're married. Hence the reason the majority of marriages inevitably end in divorce. The marriage commitment has been watered down, and individuals are not staying pure within their marriage. Whew. that is a topic for a whole 'nother post. Anyway.
If it is God's will for me to be married, I am certain it will be the most epic {earthly} love story considering what I have been through in my single years and my complete lack of experience in the relationship department. No, seriously. If only I knew God's plans. Let's just say that there is more to the story, and it would probably be so comical that someone would want to make a TV show about it.
However, if I stay single, it will also remain the greatest love story of all. A love story that began over 2,000 years ago when God became flesh, lived a perfect life on earth, and sacrificed his own life for mine. Who wouldn't want that love story? How many people can say their spouse gave up their life and saved them from eternal separation from Christ? No one? Really? Hmmm. I think that pretty much rates at the top of the list for love stories.
Learning to BE the Light,
Jenna
