The other day I was in Target {hence the use of the word in the title} & strongly felt God telling me to speak to this employee at the dressing rooms. Tell her that I'd like to know how I can pray for her. My response. No. I'm in a hurry. I already have cold groceries & I'm pushing it on time. My bargain with God. Okay, okay, I'll do it but only if no one else is around to hear/see me do this. Walk out the dressing room door & notice she's pregnant. Of course I should say something. Even if it makes me sound crazy. Gonna do it. Gonna do it. Gonna do it. AAANNNNND there's some complete stranger walking within 50 feet who may hear/see me & think I'm crazy. Nope not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Why should I, God? Answer me that.
I'm too busy. And just like that I walked away. Ashamed. Mortified. Embarrassed. Angry. Stupid. Ignorant. Prideful. The list goes on. I pray someone else was obedient that day, because I was anything but.
What is wrong with me? Why didn't I say something? Did I really think that God would ask me to do something for no reason? No purpose? No higher meaning?
Shame on me. Paul states it so eloquently when he says I do what I do not want to do and I don't do what I want to do. So messed up. Ultimately, I think my inability to say anything stems from pride. What will people think of me? They will think I am crazy or psychotic. But seriously, why do I care?
I do believe there is hope for me yet.
Matthew 28:16-20 ... He commands us to go & tell. But He also tells us that He will be with us always. I have to cling to that. I'm setting a goal. From now on, I am going to step out on faith. I am going to look for opportunities to be obedient. Not because it's comfortable or easy or particularly fun sometimes. But because I have to. I am compelled to share this fire within me. I will break through this barrier that I've built if it is the last thing I do.
The whole premise of this blog is {learning}to be the light ... as in the present progressive tense {excuse me while I go a little grammar crazy on you}. Present progressive tense expresses an action that is ongoing. This walk of faith with God is a continual process. Forever learning. To be the light.
Learning to be the Light,
Jenna
The whole premise of this blog is {learning}to be the light ... as in the present progressive tense {excuse me while I go a little grammar crazy on you}. Present progressive tense expresses an action that is ongoing. This walk of faith with God is a continual process. Forever learning. To be the light.
Learning to be the Light,
Jenna
Thank you so much for your honestly and your encouragement! I genuinely enjoyed your post! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteGirl, we've all ignored or doubted God's call. Don't be discouraged! The Lord is not done with you at all. As long as you keep pressing into Him and submitting your life to Him, He WILL use you. Father, I pray you'd give my sister, and all of us for that matter, boldness to do the things you've called us to do. I pray you'd keep our minds and hearts on you, so that when you want to use us, we'd not fret, but obey. In Jesus' name, Amen!
ReplyDeleteThis was awesome. Thank you.
ReplyDelete