Oh Where is the Wisdom?

My writing juices have just not been flowing lately {which usually implies that God has a better plan for this blog post than I can even imagine}. God is always up to something even when I am oblivious. I'm just super thankful that He takes the time to speak to me and teach me in these moments.

I've pretty much been a recluse since starting grad school. Which inevitably means I rarely make weekend plans. Just in case I need to do homework or study.  

Side note: The last few weeks I have been questioning and doubting everything. And I mean everything. Where my life is headed. What my next decision should be. What I should do with my life. Where He wants me to go. Due to all of these questions, I have been seeking some wisdom. Just begging and pleading with God to give me wisdom and discernment to know what He wants to do with my life. End side note. 

So I decided to climb out of my grad school cave to go to the BSU college student conference this weekend, and I am so glad I did.

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Sometimes you just need that spiritual refreshing time. Time to just talk to God and more importantly, listen.

I was ready to listen and God was ready to talk. What do you think the topic is for the Friday night message? None other than wisdom and God's plan for our lives. Why this still surprises me I'll never know. With so many decisions and options before me, I feel like I am in one of those nightmares where I am in a circle room with 3 million white doors surrounding me. I feel like I should be in a mental institution, because my brain is in major overload. God showed me though this weekend that He has everything under control. He has a plan {which doesn't include me hijacking those plans for my own purposes}. One of the main things that stood out to me was when he said this, "God doesn't care where you get your paycheck as long as you are glorifying Him." Talk about a revelation for me. God has been trying to teach me this for almost a year now, but I have failed to truly let it sink in until this past weekend. Every decision I have ever made has been carefully calculated and painfully worried over until I finally just went with a decision. I have always tried so hard to seek God's will as if it's some mystical piece of paper that I have to pass 7 levels of marioland to reach. What if God really desires to give us options and to allow us to pick where we want to serve Him? {within reason of course} I think He has the ultimate plan, and that is why He gives us the Holy Spirit to guide us and lead us. As long as we are seeking what God wants and what God has for us, He will not lead us astray.

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Another revelation I had was this: Today. I'm single. Talk about a breakthrough. Today is all I have to focus on. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not next year. Not 10 years from now. Today. And guess what? Today, I'm single. And for all I know I will be single for the rest of my life, but whatever. {reminder: I'm trying to convince myself of this as I type} I randomly decide to have these panic moments with a chorus of negative thoughts running through my head, but when I had my panic moment during the last session of this conference, I felt the peace of God surround me and whisper in my ear. I started to think about how short life is, and that in all reality, my time here is like the blink of an eye compared to the eternity I will spend worshiping Jesus and sitting at His feet. I hadn't really ever stopped to think about how short-lived my heartache over my singleness will be. Of course, as humans we see our life as forever long and measured by days in a week and weeks in a year, but God reminded me of a kingdom perspective: This is not my home.

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I'm not here to be settled into my cozy, little perfect life where everything is comfortable and happy. I'm here to be SENT ... to the ends of the earth if that's where God wants me. I won't allow anything to distract me from the mission God so clearly gave us all in Matthew 28:19-20. Around my age, people start throwing around words like {settle down,} and I can't help but think that's the last thing I plan on ever doing. If the only way I could find a man to marry was to {settle down,} then that is not for me. I am ready to be SENT. To go out and tell people about Jesus for all of my days. If God has a man on this earth who wants to join me in that mission. so be it. For now, I prepare myself to be sent out into the world and trust that Jesus is walking along beside me. He's good like that, isn't He?

Until He comes, I wlll go ...

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna