The In Between Part 1

Staring at the keyboard and praying that your fingers will just start typing some meaningful words in that blank white box is overwhelming. Especially when you've inadvertently neglected your blog for the past {oh I don't know like 2 months}little while. I have good intentions and a heart so full of emotions, challenges, lessons, and craziness that I just haven't known where to start. It has felt like a very "in between" time for me. I technically accomplished the summer plan of traveling around the world only to sit down and wait for the next thing. So let me just fill you in on "the in between."

In case you missed it, I got back safe and sound from my kind of home away from home. The last few weeks of my trip were a complete blur, so I'm not entirely clear on what happened except that the whirlwind that was my schedule just got away from me. If you keep up with me on any from of social media, you would have to have been living under a rock to have missed a precious little, blond-headed, Ukrainian girl who stole my heart right out of my chest. If you need a reminder, here she is:

I don't know how I walked away that last day without becoming a complete mess. But by the grace of God, I trusted that He has that little girl and her precious brother {& all those other little blessings} in the palm of His hands. That last week went by so quickly that I barely had time to catch my breath before I set out on a plane ride back to the U.S. I was thankful to be home, but I didn't stay there long.

Only long enough to love on these two little boys.

And of course we had to commemorate my homecoming somehow. 

Just less than a week later, I made the ever longer journey from Olive Branch down to Clinton to be the camp missionary at Garaywa. I've always {& I mean ALWAYS}loved Garaywa. As a cabin leader, it helped shape and mold me more into what God wanted me to be faster than almost any other experience in my life. You try being thrown into a cabin with a peer {for the purposes of making my point let's compare this to living with a spouse}for less than a week and then ... {brace yourself} 14 little girls between the ages of like 8 and 11. Talk about a crash course in parenting/motherhood/marriage aka some intense life experiences. But from that time on, my heart's desire was to come back as camp missionary. From the first time I was a camper, to hearing the missionary as a cabin leader, to being the camp missionary the fall mother/daughter ... I had to do whatever it took to get back there this summer.

One word to sum up me week at camp: Blessing. {you didn't think I could come up with just one word, did you?} I never dreamed that my week would be as absolutely A-mazing as it was. The cabin leaders. The best. The lead team. The best. The campers. The best. You get the picture, huh? I seriously could write 7-10 individual blog posts on that week alone, so I'll leave it at this. If you want to hear about my week at Garaywa, I'd love for you to just ask. {Seriously. It just blesses my heart to get to share about it}.

Well, let's continue on in this crazy blog post of my part 2 summer ramblings. Garaywa was epic, but Saturday and my time to leave came all too quickly. Fortunately {like I said before, cabin leaders=the best}, some of the awesome cabin leaders invited me to walk The Color Run ...... check that off the bucket list. I must do it again. It was an absolute blast. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

Naturally, after having all that fun, there had to be a downer, so in I went to surgery to have my tonsils removed, my septum straightened {or something like that}, and my turbinators trimmed {yep, we definitely have turbinators or maybe it's turbinates in our noses ... either way, still a funny name}. Despite my objections, my mother took a before surgery picture.

Thankfully, she respected my wishes and spared me from an after surgery picture. Because after surgery, I entered into the two WORST weeks of my summer. I was technically sitting pretty until about 6 days following my surgery when I ran out of pain meds. I officially ran out of the real pain meds on Saturday night {only 8 days following my surgery}. Never have I experienced such severe pain. Boy, am I glad that is over. I was even one of the lucky ones who experienced a side effect of surgery which severely decreased my sense of taste. I. was. miserable. But now I'm 100% better and all the more appreciative of being able to swallow solid/crunchy/normal foods with no pain. Most unexpected side effect of nasal surgery: nonstop sneezing. Just keep your distance. I will sneeze at least 15 times a day. if not more. But what really got me through was the sweet little things like this precious card from my fabulous sunday school girls ... this seriously meant the world to me.

In the midst of recovering from my lovely surgery, I was attempting to make the most of what was left of my last summer as a {techincally} university/grad student. I saw family. sister. brother in law. brother. sister in law. nephews. aunts. uncles. cousins. grandparents. I think that pretty much covers it. I was keeping busy. And last but not least whatsoever, the biggest change in my life here lately is starting a big girl job as speech therapist at DeSoto Central Elementary. Yep, my mother once again went against my objections and took an incredibly sappy photo of me leaving for my first day of work.

There you have it. Jenna McMurphy, M.S., CF-SLP. That feels good to say.

Next up on my blog catch up will be my speech therapy room before/after pictures. I've been a little crafty here lately.

This is all what I have decided to fondly call "the in between." I've been in between a whole lot of things, God has been relentless about holding me accountable during this "in between" time to committing every single moment to Him. I'm just so thankful that God has brought to this moment, and I can look back on this summer and the fun I had and know without a doubt that He was glorified and made more of. I love living life for Him. It makes it all worthwhile.

Learning to be the Light,

 

 P.S. Sorry for the picture overload, but I felt it was necessary. :)

Everyone Needs A Little

... rest. joy. and a song to sing in the darkest night. hope. love is the greatest of these.

{thanks, Kari Jobe, for a little inspiration.} This is the song I think of when I think of the people all around the world who just need a little love. a little hope. a little peace. a little joy. That's what I feel like I can give even when I only have one day. If I'm the only Jesus they ever see, I pray that I can love them even a fraction of how Jesus loves them. I gave as many hugs and smiles as I could in one day. It's amazing what you can communicate without using a single word. Which reminds me of the power of pictures. Words really aren't needed when you see these precious faces. Here's my last two days in pictures ...

Such a precious girl who touched my heart through every hug and smile. 

Playing Red Rover with the kids.

Lunch with all the kiddos.

My lunch ... which was oh so delicious. 

Craft time. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation."

More crafts.

My amazing translator, Tanya.

End of the day. Proudly displaying their artwork.

Sweet smiles and faces even if they continue to speak to you in Russian. 

A picture is worth a thousand words. 

The whole group. Slava bohu (Praise the Lord)!!

I cannot even begin to put into words how blessed I was at the end of the day. I felt the love of Jesus just being around these children. I pray they felt the same. God is so good, and I am beyond thankful that He doesn't need my words to accomplish His work. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, and I ask that you continue to pray as I finish out my last two weeks here {two weeks that will be VERY busy to say the least}. 

Learning to be the Light, 

Jenna

Just a Simple Touch

I love traveling. I love foreign countries. I love trying new things. I love smiling at complete strangers. I love listening to songs being sung in multiple languages. I love feeling God's presence in a country that's not my own. I love seeing God move and work in a group of people who are trying to better understand the truth of the Gospel. I love this opportunity that God has given me to serve Him here in Ukraine.

But .... there is still an enemy out there trying to sabotage God's work, and that enemy knows my weaknesses all too well. {side note: It is very tempting to only write on here about my victories and excitement, but then I wouldn't be giving you the real me. I have to be true to what God has called me to do, and today He wants me to share the struggles and the victories. end side note.} There is one thing that can send my thoughts into a tailspin straight down into a never-ending pit of darkness ... and that my friends is a {scary, scary} place. The one thing that I dislike most about being in a foreign country is being in a room full of people speaking a foreign language that I don't understand. I don't know why, but for me, this is one of the most overwhelming, draining, and difficult things. This past Sunday night just so happened to catch me off guard. I wasn't protecting my mind from the attack of the enemy, and if it wouldn't have drawn so much attention to me, I very likely would have started beating my head against a wall. It would have been far more pleasant than the turmoil in my mind. I couldn't find my way out of this pit I had slipped down into. The struggle was so real despite the fact that no one else in the room even knew it was happening.

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But at the same time, I wasn't going down without a fight. I was begging and pleading with God to throw me a rope down into this dark pit and pull me out. As it's said so much more eloquently in the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, "God delights in revealing himself to those who will seek him with all of their hearts. He is an extravagant, abundant Lover, and he loves to reveal his heart to us again and again."

As the service ended, I saw a woman who I had met before at a another church in the Kharkov region quite a few years ago. It was clear she didn't recognize me at first, but after sharing I remembered her {through a translator as always}, she grabbed my hand. Such a simple gesture. But she didn't let go. It was the strangest thing. I'm not really the "touchy-feely" type especially with strangers, but this was different. {Warning: I'm about to sound like a crazy Jesus fanatic ... which I am, so oh well}. It was almost as if in that moment I could just feel the love and presence of God filling my heart to the brim and overflowing. Whereas moments before, I was in a dark place where the enemy had left me to fend for myself ... Now Jesus was reaching out to me, grabbing hold of my hand, and assuring me that He will {never} let go. I was overwhelmed. Just a simple touch. From a stranger nonetheless.

"God wants to share in this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments ... He wants to pour his love into your heart, and he longs to have you pour yours into his. He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you. He is not interested in intimacy with the woman you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you." {Captivating}

I could have not shared this story, because it was a real-life struggle that shows you that I am nowhere near perfect ... and honestly never will be. I didn't want to share this story, because it means admitting that I struggle. all. the. time. But I will never find that deep intimacy with my loving and intimate God if I'm not the truest me. This is as real as it gets.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

The Story Behind the Peacock

It is no secret to any one who knows me that I'm single. Now that I think about it ... I hope that's not the first thing people think of when they think of me, because if it is, boy have I messed things up. Anyway, two years ago this summer, I was still reeling from my recent graduation from college and my 7 week trip to East Asia when God laid it on my heart to intentionally investigate my aversion to singleness and what it would take to convince me that He is enough {did I mention ... in a very public way a.k.a. this blog on the internet}. 

The journey I set out on in July of 2011 was one that no one could have prepared me for. As I've stated on this oh so public blog more than once, I've always been single. Yep, the always and forever alone Jenna. {haha. just kidding. kind of} Junior High. single. High school. single. College. single. Grad school. single. You get the picture? {I figured you would}. Please note this is in no way a pity party. I'm actually very thankful for my singleness despite how I've painted it so far in my life. If it hadn't been for my singleness, I probably would have never become the girl woman I am today {eh not a huge fan of referring to myself as a woman ... I need to work on that}. If I hadn't been single, I might not have worked at Garaywa for two summers. If I hadn't been single, I might not have gone to Ukraine or East Asia the past four summers. If I hadn't been single, I might not have even gone to grad school. I definitely wouldn't have known that I can 100% survive/flourish with the love/intimacy found in Jesus alone. I wouldn't have found {over the past 24 years} some of the most amazing girls/women/best friends on the planet. I want to tell you about one girl in particular. So for those who have been waiting, always wondered, or have no idea what I'm talking about, here's the story behind the peacock.

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We were an unlikely pair to say the least. The chances that we would ever make it as friends were slim to none. She was beautiful. smart. talented. did I mention smart? And she was from Alabama. No way was I gonna be friends with some girl from Alabama. Due to circumstances completely unrelated to our own lives, we decided that the other one didn't like each other. {did you get that? we didn't not like each other, but we both thought that the other didn't like the other. clear??} We allowed this invisible wall to be built between us for an entire semester of school. Sure, there were pleasantries, and we were pledge sisters nonetheless which meant we loved each other in a sort of way we weren't quite sure of yet. 

Well, I've never claimed to be very smart as it is, but you throw in statistics and you will really see how not smart I am. One B after another B led me to the door of none other than Brooke Elmore {and on a Saturday night nonetheless}. I don't remember exactly how it went down, but at some point in the next hours we spent together I wrote a statistics report and made a best friend who would continue to impact and change my life for the rest of time. I think I knew she was my best friend when we bonded over baking brownies and skipping formals. After many a road trips with her to good ole Gordo, Alabama, I realized this Alabama girl wasn't so bad. I even found myself an adopted set of grandparents in Pickens county. There are no better memories in my mind than slumber parties at Big Momma's and the diet mountain dew that went along with them.

{sorry, I've gotten a little sidetracked} About the peacock. For the most part, Brooke and I {the most part is directed toward Brooke :)} both remained single for our college years much to our dismay over the lack of Christians guys beating down our doors. Christmas break of our sophomore year, Brooke and I both headed to EA together and watched as couples after couples formed on the trip. dating couples, engaged couples, and stupid boys chasing other girls. And here we were. The W girls. & no boys in sight. I lost count of the number of MSU BSUs we drove to on Tuesdays nights. We weren't hunting for Mr. Right whatsoever, but it came to a certain point where we felt like we had met every Christian guy in the state of MS and not a single one of them had even given us a second look. 

After two years at the W, we were disappointed. The school year ended, and I set out for Clinton, MS and my 2nd summer as a cabin leader at Garaywa despite my strong desires to go overseas & my sadness for leaving my best friend for like 3 months. We stayed in touch by phone every now and then & she tried to keep me updated on all of our friends. One particular time, she told me that my best friend from 6th grade {but also our mutual best friend} had been doing some crafting/painting & as usual, she had been giving them away when she didn't like how they turned out. Humorously, Brooke had told me about a peacock Jessica had painted. She sent me a picture, and we talked about how cute it was & blah, blah, blah. She just so happens to be like the best friend ever and would send me the cutest mail. I loved getting mail at camp. There was just something special about someone taking the time out of their busy schedule to brighten your day. It's been such a long time ago, but I remember it being about halfway through the summer {I was really missing my best friend}, and it was a Friday. {THE DAY THE CAMPERS WENT HOME} Some weeks I was more excited about this than others. I had just sent off all my campers and headed down to the staff room for our weekly meeting. When I walked into the staff room, I noticed this GIGANTIC package leaning against the mailboxes. I went and found a seat for the meeting {minding my own business} when someone asked me if I was going to open my package. I was in shock. The HUGE package was for ME?? I ripped it open and lo an behold, a peacock with bright colors {my favorite} from none other than my best friend, Brooke.

But the real surprise was when I turned it over and read the note in Brooke's handwriting ... the words that will be forever ingrained in my heart. She wrote on there that we were like peacocks who were shy around large crowd and wouldn't show their feathers for just anyone. We didn't walk around flaunting our "amazing-ness," but instead we were waiting for God's best to truly appreciate us for all our pretty colors and of course our "amazing-ness." That peacock has traveled with me to each place that I have lived and serves as a constant reminder that God is working. 

God is faithful. God is good. God is loving. God is amazing.

All in all, it may seem like just a silly story to someone, but this girl I call my best friend has stood by my side in the good and the bad, she cried on my shoulder and I have cried on hers. We have grown together, we have laughed {A LOT} together, we have traveled together. We have faced loss together. We have been scared together. We have worried together. & we have enjoyed life together. We have loved God together. We have pushed each other toward a closer walk with Him. We have discovered what it means to wait for God's best and never settle for less.

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That peacock just looks like a peacock to most people. But God used that peacock to work in my heart, and He showed me that because He loves me, He has richly blessed my life with friendships {like the one I have with Brooke Elmore}, beauty, and an unknown future. That unknown future may seem daunting right now, but He has it under control. He knows the ins and outs of my future. He is molding me into the creation He knows will bring Him the most glory. My story is just beginning, and although being a grown up scares the mess out of me, I know God has placed and will continue to place beautiful friendships/relationships in my life.

To God be the glory for all that He has done.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

He's Got the Whole World

... in His hands. 

He's got the whole world in His hands. 

He's got the whole world in His hands. 

He's got the whole world in His hands.

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As I am constantly surrounded by so many different people, languages, and cultures, God reminds me that He understands every language. He loves every child of the world. Red and yellow, black, and white. They are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.  

God is doing so many amazing things here in Ukraine. Not only is God moving in the hearts of the people around me but He is also faithful to work in my heart bringing me ever close to Him. As I spent time with the Roma (gyspy) children this past weekend, my heart felt like it could explode with joy. Seeing the precious smiles on their faces and the simple way they grabbed my hand and pulled me around the entire place melted my heart. I knew in that moment that they were a huge reason why God brought me here this summer. I know He has amazing plans for me no matter what comes of my 4 weeks left here, but I do pray that He works it out for me to go back to the Roma church for a 2 day VBS. 

English classes are in full swing. And by full swing, I mean just about every day. I love it though. I have thought more about the English language in the last week than I have in my entire life. It's quite perplexing what you take for granted when you have spoken a language your entire life. I love helping with these English classes, because I can share my culture and my relationship with God with these students. Please pray for spiritual conversations to come of these new connections I have made through the English classes. 

I will be meeting with all of the international girls on Friday nights at 6pm, and I am so excited to see what God has in store for all of us. They are teaching me so much through their willing and humble hearts, and I am just praying that God will bring us all into a closer walk with Him. 

I am overjoyed with the opportunities that God is placing before me, and I hope you will join me in praying for the work He is doing. I am just an empty vessel waiting to be used by Him. 

Learning to be the Light,

Jenna

{"You Did For Me"}

A full week has come and gone. Despite my attempts to make the week slow down, the MS team (including my parents) is en route back to Mississippi. There is just something special about serving in a foreign country with your parents, and I feel so blessed to have been a part of the work the team did this week. The MS team consisted of a medical, construction and VBS team who basically loved on people and exalted the mighty God we serve.

Countless people came through the doors of churches {possibly for the first time} and received not only free medical care but also the free gift of salvation. I lost count of the professions of faith made this week, because there were 4 or 5 each day who were turning their lives over to Christ for the first time. What a precious thing to see. The construction team was able to continue the work on a church which was in mere ashes just 3 years ago and see a sanctuary come to completion with a tile floor {and of course other construction type things which are far beyond my expertise and understanding}. The VBS team which only consisted of two of us {Mrs. Susan Marshall and I} was given the opportunity to love on some precious children and see their faces light up at the simplest things such as small crafts or the story of Zaccheus.

There were too many moments and stories during the week to share all of them and not enough time or space to tell them. {Just a brief synopsis} One lady had been praying for a year for us to come to her city. Another lady told us that her only regret in life was that she hadn't been a Christian longer. An older man said through tears and a new pair of glasses what a blessing it was to see the Word of God clearly. The hugs and kisses given to all of us by nothing more than complete strangers but who so deeply appreciated what we were doing, it was their only way to thank us.

One very minuscule moment in the week but so incredibly touching to me was this magnet that I was given by the pastor's nephew at Zmeov {the church where the construction team had helped rebuild}. I was so appreciative of how sweet it was for him to give me this small gift, but it wasn't until later that night that I read the verse he chose to wrote on the back.

Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" When I read this verse I was truly touched. I didn't feel that I had done anything out of the ordinary this week other than exactly what God had called me to do, but it meant so much to these people that we would come halfway around the world just for them.

The MS team may be going home, but I am just beginning my journey here. I am beyond excited for what God has in store for the next 5 weeks. Please pray that God would lead both Linda Gray and me to the opportunities He has for me. There are many {great} opportunities that I have my pick of but I want God's best and wherever He can use me most. I want to bring Him glory first and foremost.

Now that the team is gone, it is time to hit the ground running, but today I have spent time just soaking up God's Word and refreshing my spirit with His Truth. What a wonderful feeling it is. My cup overflows.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

Reflections of a Sinner Saved by Grace

Reflection. An exact image in a reflective surface. The act of looking back on some thing or event.

It never fails that when I think about the word reflection I think of the scene of Mulan standing by the water seeing an image of herself. I hear Christina Aguilera singing ... When will my reflection show who I really am inside?

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Forgive me for all the jumping I'm about to do but try to stay with me as I pour out my heart on the idea of reflection{this is a normal thought process in the mind of Jenna ... scary, right??}. Have you ever heard the story of the refiner's fire. I'm probably gonna slaughter the legit story but bear with my paraphrase. A man goes to interview a man who makes silver, and as the man explains the process of placing the raw material into the fire, the interviewer proceeds to ask the man how he knows when the silver is ready. Only to have the man respond with such a simple and humbling response. When I can see my reflection. Oh for my Savior to look down onto me in the fire and see His reflection instead of my own. It turns my perspective completely upside down. I must admit that this is probably the first time in about 10 years when I haven't felt like the majority of my time has been spent under the sweltering heat of the hottest of fires. Amid my many {and I literally mean MANY} pity parties, I'm reminded of the purpose. All to make myself a more beautiful reflection of my precious Savior.

Reflection. Looking back on Easters past. All the years that have passed since I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. All the growing I've done. All the fires I've been through. All the joys I've experienced. All the people who have come and gone from my life. Funny story {and don't ask me how I remember this}: when I was very little, I had this strange belief/idea that every year on Easter God would forgive my sins. Only once a year. Oh how I looked forward to Easter and the clean slate of starting over. I'm fairly certain it didn't take me long to realize this was quite absurd. And praise the Lord that isn't how it works. It's once for all kind of thing and as far as the east is from the west. That clean slate begins at the precise moment of surrender.

One more jump and I promise I'm done. I'm reading though the Bible. Taking my precious time. Really digging into the Word. Getting as much out of every word as I can. This weekend I was in Exodus 13 and 14 where God brings the Israelites out of Egypt. But before He brought them out, He had one last plague for the Egyptians. The death of every firstborn child. But the Israelites had to slaughter a lamb and smear the blood over their door in order for the angel of death to pass over the house (hence the Passover). But the coolest thing is God's master plan playing out on an old rugged cross on a hill far away. One Lamb. THE Lamb of God. Slaughtered. In order for His blood to cover our sins. No more death. He paid the price. I just imagine the passover happening again. I hear the frightening instructions to smear the door posts with the blood of a perfect, firstborn lamb. Or else. Slaughter the lamb or face imminent death. Well in reality, that's the same choice we all face. The angel of death came that night and the blood of that sacrificial lamb was the only thing saving the Israelites. The same still stands for us, yet the Lamb has already been slain, but we have to make the choice to be covered in the blood.

What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. Oh precious is the flow that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know. Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

God has been giving me so much good stuff to reflect on. To really take a closer look at His character and plans. I'm so humbled to serve such an amazing God and a Risen Savior.

I'll leave you with this verse that jumped off the page at me tonight during my quiet time.
Exodus 15:13-14 "In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling. The nations will hear and tremble." Powerful stuff.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

P.S. This was intended for Easter, but time slipped away from me. Hopefully it serves as a reminder that Easter is celebrated every. single. day.

The {Supposed To Bes} Syndrome

I'm supposed to be happy.
I'm supposed to be grateful.
I'm supposed to be relieved.
I'm supposed to be rejoicing.
I'm supposed to be content.
I'm supposed to be all put together.
I'm supposed to be an example.
I'm supposed to be .... a lot of things. that I'm not.

As some may have noticed {but most could probably not care less}, I unintentionally took a sabbatical from the blogging world. And looking back on the last few months, it's probably due to all those supposed to bes. The longer this blog goes on and the more people that read it, the more I feel like I should put on here what people expect to hear from me. Not that I've ever really had it all together {because we ALL know that I haven't}, but the problem is that I should, shouldn't I?

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Let's recap why I am supposed to be all those things listed above. I passed two of the biggest exams of my life which basically guarantee that I will be a certified SLP. I am on the literal last downhill slope of my graduate school horror years. 47 days. I have finally established some stability in my life being home. I'm not traveling back and forth around the state of MS living out my car anymore. I've thrown myself completely into my church home {which by the way, feels so good to say} where I feel like I have found my place. I have found new friends. I am leaving for Ukraine in like 50 something days to serve alongside Linda Gray for 6 weeks. I am blessed well beyond what I deserve.

I have every reason to actually {BE} all of those supposed to bes. But I'm not. I'm actually none of those things. Can you see the {funk} that I feel surrounding me? Because sometimes it feels so heavy that I could just touch it. Talk about frustrating. I think what has me ultimately in the dumps is that I've plateaued on this stupid getting healthy journey. I've made no progress since the new year, and that is probably the number one tool my brain uses to beat me down. I've gotten out of my routine of going to work out every day, so I just haven't been going. Today I felt like I needed to get off my lazy tail and do something about it {instead of moping around in my failures}. But that didn't go well either. I had to stop. I never stop. I always push through and suck it up, but today I just couldn't. I felt overwhelmed by everything and like a huge disappointment.

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{Cue God intervening and smacking some sense into me} I know. I know. I needed it.
There's nothing like a ridiculously long shower and putting my iPod on shuffle to get a nice and clear message from God. Maybe I'm the only person who believes that my iPod shuffle is directly controlled by Him, but let me just have this {don't burst my bubble}.

The Finished Songlist to fix my pity party mood:
1. Facedown by Casting Crowns
2. Love Never Fails by Brandon Heath
3. Forgiven and Loved by Jimmy Needham
4. Everyone Needs a Little by Kari Jobe
5. Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns
6. Somebody's Praying Me Through by Allen Asbury
7. To Know You by Casting Crowns

I linked them all to a youtube video in case you need them as much as I did. I still don't feel like I have the answers. And I can't say that just because I got all of this out in the open that I feel any better. I feel like I'm humbled and broken at my Savior's feet ready to be put back together for His glory. I am and always will be a work in progress.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013

 Don't get me wrong. 2012 was not a bad year. It wasn't spectacular by any means, but I am still very grateful for the year I had. 2012 taught me a lot. With 2012, I saw semesters 2, 3, and 4 of slp grad school go by {praise the Lord}. my 23rd bday. wonderful trip to visit my friends in EA. meeting Karen Kingsbury. working at Caledonia Elementary. falling in love with all my CES kiddos. etc. So many good memories. But there were also some sad times. the loss of my uncle. getting braces for a second time {bleh}. grad school classes. realization of how much money I owe in student loans.

http://www.artisticodyssey.com/2012/12/hello-2013.html

Okay, so ultimately, 2012 was really good to me. But I am so super excited about this new year ahead. Why am I so excited about 2013 you may ask? Well, here's why. In 49 short days, I will be on a plane with my entire family headed to the most magical place on earth. yep, harry potter world. oh and disney world. In just 112 days, I will be graduating with a master's degree in speech language pathology {whoa buddy. someone pick me up off the ground}. I will be getting a job which pays me money. I will be camp missionary at Garaywa this summer {lifelong dream being fulfilled here}. I will get to finally be an SLP and make an impact on people's lives like I have wanted ever since God placed this passion in my heart all those years ago. {Hooray} This year has so many exciting things happening. But at the same time ... graduating and leaving the comfort zone of school {which I have been doing for the past 19 years of my life} is frightening. Whew. This year is gonna take some major praying time spent on my knees. Never mind. Let's focus on the positive. 

http://superelectrique.blogspot.com/search?q=2013

So. I've set some goals for this year. Some pretty big ones at that. 

Despite what the picture above implies, my goals will be no where near as lofty as becoming an avid skier or something {that would be a complete joke}.

My goals in order of importance: 

#1 has been a long time coming and the goal that takes priority in 2013. to develop and increase my passion for the Word of God. It has become such a routine for me to check {reading my Bible} off my to-do list. I was going through the motions. I may have been consistent, but I wasn't reading it to get anything out of it. Shame on me. Just think how much I have missed out on. In order to hold myself accountable for this goal, I started a Scripture Journal. {not a surprise considering how much I love writing and journaling} Every day I am committing to reading at least 1-2 chapters and truly seeking God as to what He wants me to learn from that section of His Word. I am so excited to see what God is going to teach me this year. 

#2 is a goal which has been ongoing my whole life, but this is the year that I will reach it {no doubt about it}. to finally reach my healthy weight and maintain the healthy lifestyle that God challenged me to begin in 2012. A side goal to this is for me to stop using the scale as my measurement but instead how God measures my success. I am only halfway to my {desired} weight goal, so I want God to transform my mind to see myself as He sees me. This is not going to be easy, but last I checked, nothing that is worth it is ever easy. God will receive the glory every step of the way. 

#3 covers a more general part of my life. I want to stress less. trust more. I want to embrace life just the way it is and find contentment in where God has me. I am beginning to see things in a whole new light, and it is so encouraging to see how God is already changing my heart. More than anything, I want my life to 100% glorify God. Everything I do is for Him. This year will consist of many changes which will push me way out of my comfort zone and into new places to be the light of Christ. So ...

Bring it on, 2013. Let's do this.

Learning to be the Light,

Jenna

Modern Day Burning Bush

Here I go with songs again. I don't know what it is about songs that God chooses to speak to me. I think that my heart just opens wide the flood gates immediately upon hearing music. Well, for the past like two weeks, the following song kept playing every day as I was working out. I hear it on the radio almost every day and even multiple times a day on occasion. And later in the day, what seemed to keep sticking in my thoughts was this line: I am not skilled to understand what God has willed what God has planned.

My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust

I am not skilled to understand

What God has willed what God Has planned

I only know at his right hand

Stands one who is my Savior

My Savior loves

My Savior lives

My Savior's always there for me

My God he was

My God he is

My God he's always gonna be

http://pinterest.com/pin/159455643028254622/

 You can check out the full song here. Totally worth your time whether you've never heard it before or you've heard it a million times before. I am not one for coincidences. I fully believe that God is in the details. the little things. A running joke I have with God is that I always pray for a burning bush. I am not really one for subtlety, but unfortunately, God doesn't always choose to give me the flashing neon sign that I prefer. Here we are just 18 days into 2013, and I have some BIG decisions to make this year. BIG and absolutely frightening. I might be am one of those people who stresses unnecessarily over everything {which I'm working on}. 

I know you're probably wishing right now that I would just get to the point, huh? I'm getting there. God doesn't change. He doesn't leave me. He doesn't stop loving me. How thankful I am for that. No matter what I say or do ... It doesn't change the character of God. I am human, and no matter how hard I try to understand God's plans, it's not gonna happen. My brain is not equipped to handle all the glorious and wonderful plans He has for my life. 

Short and sweet but packed with huge meaning for me and my life. Praise God for my burning bush of a repeated song. 

I am  not skilled to understand what God has willed what God has planned. 

Learning to be the Light,

Jenna