Let the Past be the Past

Have you ever confidently made a decision to let something go or move forward only to have tsunami-strength doubt level all peace just moments later?

I have. I can think of multiple occasions where I have made a decision with full assurance that I am doing the right thing. And what's more actually doing the thing I believed God had called me to do.

But as per the norm for me in my 20s, that peace, confidence, and assurance were quickly sabotaged by an overwhelming sense of dread, fear, and doubt.

What if I was wrong? What if I closed the a door I wasn't supposed to? What if I made a mistake?

But time goes on. You get up each day and keep assuring yourself in the decision and trusting in God's promises and peace.

Eventually you forget. There's no more doubt, fear, dread. Those things disappear and the situation basically moves on into your long term memory {yes, I watched Inside Out last weekend. And yes, it has really gotten into my head}.

I say all of this to say that in the moment, it can be hard. Incredibly hard. Hard to let go. Hard to keep going. Hard to forget. Hard to feel assured in the midst of doubts. Hard to know whether your decision was the right one or not.

But you will forget. You will keep going. God does not make mistakes. God will not lead you astray.

How do I know? I know because I've lived it. I know because looking back, I can pinpoint God's hand at work in my life in each of those moments.

I've been reminded of one of those moments lately. It was a decision that I made with overwhelming conviction and peace from God over 2 years ago. In the moment, I knew what I was doing was God's leading, but it barely took 24 hours for me to start doubting, questioning, and a good ole fashioned Jenna freak out.

However, God brought me through. Reassured me through His Word, through prayer, through good friends, and wise mentors.

And now. Now I'm thankful. 2 years later. And I'm thankful. I see the bigger picture now. I see the Lord was protecting me. I see it for what it was. A learning experience. A stepping stone. A small piece of the puzzle.

It gives me hope for recent decisions I've made. It is so easy and natural for me to let doubt creep in and take away my peace, but I have to trust God and remember that not only is He in control but He is also a good, good Father who only knows how to give good gifts. My top priority for now is to let the past be the past and trust God for each step in the future.

Y'all, He is so good. I cannot say it enough.

I needed this reminder. I am moving forward. Letting the past be the past. And trusting God for the future.

31 Days Later {Year Two}

31 days sure fly by when you are blogging every day.

Redeeming the Waiting Place has absolutely been harder than I dreamed possible. The challenge of blogging for 31 days straight was way less hard this year, but the subject matter definitely dug deep into my heart this time around.

I really do believe God when He says He has good plans for me. That He will never leave me. That there is a purpose in this waiting. That He is in control.

So take away from this Redeeming the Waiting Place/Write31Days Challenge is ....

| drum roll please |

God is good and right and true and hope and light. Especially in the waiting.

My waiting place isn't much fun right now. But I am determined to make this season as fun as I can.

I'm feeling very thankful today. Thankful for the people God has put in my life. I'm thankful for the friend who text me last night inviting me over for dinner even though I had to say no. I'm thankful for people in my life who care about me and who love me well. I'm thankful for people who are patient with me even when I have crazy bad blonde moments. I'm thankful for my life here in NOLA.

I'm thankful that God has placed me in this season with these people.

I couldn't ask for any better of a waiting place.

Bumps in the road and all.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

One Day the Waiting will be Over

In this world, we will all wait. If you've read even just one post of this series, you've read these words before | Waiting is inevitable |.

The reality is that we, as Christians, are all waiting for the second coming of Jesus.

And because He is coming, the wait will one day be all over.

There will be a day when we will no longer be waiting on any earthly want/need. No more waiting for a significant other, spouse, child, healing, answers, or change. We will wait no longer.

Our minds will no longer desire for things we don't have. We will be wholly fulfilled and satisfied in the person of Jesus. No more sin to distract us from worshiping our Savior.

Y'all, I look forward to that day.

I think about it now, and I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus is all I need. But there's always that sin sucking me back in. Making me think I need more. That I need a husband and family. That I actually need anything this world has to offer.

Nothing compares to Jesus, but until that day. Until that day when Jesus ends the waiting, I will always long for more because I've got this sin problem. This sin problem stinks. And Jesus paid the price. My sins are forgiven. But I'm still human, and I am still in this tug-o-war with sin. Wanting to only want Jesus. Wanting to not let my emotions control me. Wanting to live more like Jesus, but I fall short. I will always fall short.

Until that day. Until Jesus comes back for the Church.

The difference is that I will never stop pulling. I will never stop struggling against that sin. I may have been extended the most scandalous grace by none other than Jesus himself to cover those, but I will fight sin until the day He comes back.

So I will fight that sin in my heart that tells me that I am not complete in Jesus. that God doesn't want me to be happy. that God is withholding something from  me. that causes my attitude to fall into the pits.

Until that day. I will fight to keep my heart and life on track with Jesus.

Because one day the waiting will be over.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

Waiting is Better than Settling

One thing that I always end up having to do on this blog is some good ole backtracking. Sometimes I take a look at my blog posts as a whole and think | woah, this accidentally went a little to the extreme |. For example, I have suddenly started to realize that it sounds like I really want to get married and by tomorrow. But I just need to be real, and let you all know that is not fully true.

Yes. I want/desire to be married. One day. In the future. But Lord help, not tomorrow and not even necessarily in the next year. Waiting and not knowing is hard, but that does not mean that I think I am fully ready for marriage. I am certain that if God's plan for my life does include marriage, there is still a whole lot of refining that needs to happen. Also don't get me wrong and assume that I think I will ever have it all together or that anyone does before they get married.

Being independent and self-serving for almost 27 years {ahh but we're not gonna talk about my recent freaking out about that number and my upcoming birthday} has ingrained in me some pretty strong habits and tendencies that will not be easy to break or even work on for that matter.

I'm probably sounding a little bipolar at this point considering I've written nearly 28 blog posts {plus the ones in the past} about how much I want to be married. But waiting in singleness is much preferred to settling for less than God's best. I will not marry someone just because I want to be married. The only way I will get married is if I have clear and full confirmation from God. My desire for marriage is outweighed by my desire for God's best.

So shouldn't these thoughts and this knowledge make the waiting easier? Absolutely. It should. But it doesn't always. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and it takes constant vigilance over our mind and thoughts to continue replacing earthly thoughts with God thoughts.

A lot of people will say | oh, just choose somebody. It doesn't matter. There are plenty of fish in the sea |. But I can't necessarily line that up with God's character and the intricate details He daily works out in my life. I believe the Lord has me single for a reason during this time. I know He is using me right here and right now to glorify Him and further His kingdom.

Just because I don't particularly enjoy waiting for marriage doesn't mean that I'm ready to get married tomorrow. To be clear, I have issues. I am selfish. and I am still in need of some work on my heart to even be ready for that huge step. Because I do not take marriage lightly. Marriage to me is a God-binding covenant that is more than in sickness and health, rich and poor, and so on. To me, marriage means God bringing together two individuals starting a team to take the Gospel into all parts of the world. If marriage would only slow that goal down of taking the Gospel to all the world, then I'll keep my singleness.

I'm pretty crazy, huh? I know. I know. It's just that my life has been so transformed by God and the Gospel. Jesus died on a cross to save the world {me and you} from their sins. I was once an orphan, but now I am adopted into the family of God. I was once lost, but now I am found. I was once blind, but now I can see. I was once in utter darkness, but now I walk in the light. I was dying and going to hell, but now I have been saved by grace and am alive. I have my citizenship in heaven.

My waiting has a purpose. I just want to worship him right where I am. His plan is worth waiting for. Every single second. I'm not settling for anything other than God's best. I'm waiting here. 

Waiting here for you // With our hands lifted high in praise // And it's You we adore // Singing Hallelujah // You are everything You promised // Your faithfulness is true // And we're Desperate for Your presence // All we need is You // Waiting here for you.

I'm waiting here. As long as God wants me here. 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

Be Real in the Waiting

Why do we always feel the need to put on a good face?

Why are we always trying to hide our pain? hide our struggles? hide our frustrations?

Heaven forbid someone thinks we don't have it all together. Or that we don't live a perfect life. Newsflash // Nobody's perfect.

Why do we always think that we are the only ones struggling? That's because we all try to hide our struggles in the darkness. Keep those skeletons in the closet, because Satan has convinced us that bringing them into the light of day, into the light of Jesus, will only bring shame and more pain. But that is a lie.

Only Jesus can shed light into those dark places, when we lay it out there to share with each other. 

Vulnerability brings its own kind of strength. Its own kind of bravery. Its own kind of peace.

If everyone didn't struggle, there wouldn't be songs written like this one. This Casting Crowns' song // Just Be Held //

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when youre tired of fighting
Chained by your control
Theres freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when youre on your knees and answers seem so far away
Youre not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
Im on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
Youll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
Youll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, youll understand
Im painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where youll find Me
And where you are, Ill hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go

This song has been on the radio every single time I've gotten into the car since Monday. You think God is trying to tell me something?  I think so too.

We are never alone in our struggling. All I have to say about those struggles is // Lay 'em down and let 'em go. 

I'm just resting in these truths today. 

This week is halfway over, and this blogging challenge is on the home stretch. Just three more days. 

Oh buddy. God's not finished with me yet.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

Struggles in the Waiting

There are good days. There are bad days.

Welcome to a bad one.

You would think that after 27 days of blogging about this topic that I might be a little closer to actually redeeming the waiting place. But I'm not. And really I don't even know if this blog post pertains to my waiting at all. Because today I'm struggling with just life. Life in general. And maybe somehow I will bring this back around to waiting but then again maybe not.

When things are going my way, and I'm doing fun things with my people ... Yes, waiting seems easy. But then those bad days {which genuinely are less frequent than the good days} when nothing is going my way, I'm an emotional mess, holding it together means fighting off an anxiety attack, the craziness overwhelms me, and the mess that is my life gets messier, the waiting just seems to be too much. 

Yall. I feel so silly even talking this way. Because there are much bigger problems in this world than what I've got going on. I go back and forth between minimizing and maximizing my problems, but I need to find a healthy balance.

For those who don't know, I wear my heart on my sleeve. This is actually a new thing for me. Over the last year, I truly learned the value and importance of open communication and real honesty. It has been liberating. Really. But the other side of that is that it has opened me up to a whole lot of hurt that I never even knew possible. Because not every one chooses to be as open and honest as I do, and assumptions are deadly. Despite my new found appreciation for being open and honest, I think it would be wise of me to keep that for people who respect it and who value me as a person and friend. Gauging my audience should be a priority. Otherwise, I will just end up always having my feelings hurt.

Also another character flaw is that I don't possess the ability to say no. Lysa Terkeurst's book, The Best Yes, is currently sitting on my nightstand unread. A lot of good it's doing me there. I honestly think this stems from my desire to have everyone like me. That's always been a thing for me since before I can remember. I would rather be a door mat and have everyone like me than to say no and risk someone being upset with me. But saying no is healthy when done in the right way. I just haven't figured out the right way yet. It's sad when people who aren't even actively a part of my life anymore nonchalantly mention that I've always been this way and continue to be a pushover.

Because of these two things, here I was wallowing in self-pity and a whole lot of hurt feelings. For the first half of the day. I just sat in it. Not even trying to shake it or to make things right in my heart. It was ugly. Oh Lord, my heart was calloused.

But here's the thing. I cannot blame any one but myself. I am the only one allowing this. It is up to me to determine the state of my heart. My lockscreen on my phone says |today, I choose joy|. Pssh. That's hilarious. Joy is the last choice I've wanted to make today. I put it there to remind me in moments like these, but it is more of a moment by moment decision I am having to make today to have that joy.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I the only one who gets so stuck that it feels like I'll never get out? Can I just share my burden today? Anyone else out there need to share the burden? Anyone else out there tired of carrying their burden alone?

What is it worth? Holding onto that burden on your own? Is it worth the hard stuff that comes with that? I don't think it is. We will never find peace in our storms if we don't allow others to help us carry our burdens. If we don't release it all to Jesus.

Waiting. Not waiting. Hurting. Struggling. Needing. Whatever your burden is, lay it down at the foot of the cross and let the body of Christ be the body for you. Let your people help you pick that up and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Just because I wrote this blog post doesn't mean my problems are automatically fixed. Far from it actually. But no matter the struggle, I know I have Jesus. And I know that He has given me people in my life to held me keep walking in the footsteps of Jesus.

I want to leave you with an excerpt of verses from Colossians 3:12-17 // Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. My apologies for this crazy mess of a blog. But this is all I got today. I pray someone is encouraged that we all have junk in our lives. Some are just better at hiding it than others. And take heart, I believe we are meant to be broken together. Jesus isn't scared of my brokenness or as I like to call it // my hot mess of a life.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

Waiting with Gratitude

November is coming. I love this time of year. Something in the air shifts. And I'm not talking about the temperature. It's people. It's attitudes. Just for a month or two, everyone starts slowing down and appreciating the little things | religious or not.

The difference with my faith in Jesus and those who have no belief system is that I know the true source of the blessings in my life. It is undeniably Jesus.

When we take the time to thank God for every single little thing He has given us, it makes it all the harder to focus on what we don't have.

I've actually never done the thankful posts each day of November, but it is refreshing seeing more positive things on social media for like 20 something days of the year. Enjoy it while it lasts.

I mean even the smallest of things.

Each day there is unlimited potential to find a million and one things to be thankful for. But we have to have our eyes open to see them.

Oh Jesus, thank you.

With my heart full of gratitude, I can find no place for discontentment. There's no room for worry. There's no room for fear. There's no room for anxiety.

I want to fill my heart so full with gratitude that I overflow with Jesus.

Waiting with gratitude is the only way to wait //

God,
Thank you for raindrops on the window.
Thank you for the gift of blooming flowers on the coffee table.
Thank you for pictures of friends and family on the refrigerator.
Thank you for old books with worn covers and deep history.
Thank you for emojis.

And even more so //

God,
Thank you for family.
Thank you for life.
Thank you for air to breathe.
Thank you for friendship.
Thank you for the cross.
Thank you for salvation.

God, just thank you.

I will redeem this waiting place with gratitude.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

Singing in the Wait // Part Four

I just want Jesus. I need daily reminders that I need for nothing other than Jesus. I am complete in Jesus. I have all that I need in Jesus. This is my daily prayer. 

Give Me Jesus

by Moriah Peters

In the morning when I rise
Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Give me Jesus

And when I am alone
Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Give me Jesus

When I come to die
Give me Jesus

You can have all this world
Give me Jesus

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

Weekend Encourgement // Part Four

From Lifeway & SheReadsTruth:

Open Your Bible is the first Bible study partnership with She Reads Truth and LifeWay Women. This means that we are taking the best of both worlds and melding them into a study that we think women will love.

The study is seven sessions long (meaning, if you do this in a group, you will meet seven times). It has six weeks of personal study (or "homework," but who likes that term?). Each week of the study will have you diving deep into Scripture to discover truths about God's Word from God's Word. This is a print-only study. It will not be on the She Reads Truth website.

There are optional video sessions that go with each week of study. These video sessions are around 10 minutes each and feature Raechel and Amanda discussing truths they've learned along the way. We recommend them for going deeper in the study. They will be available via download for group or individual use from LifeWay.com/OpenYourBible.

To get a preview of the study and learn more about the format, you can go to LifeWay.com/OpenYourBible and click "Free Sample Chapter." That will give you a PDF of the first session of the study.

We are excited about this study because we have been praying for a way to teach women to get in the Word for a long time. She Reads Truth does a great job of that already and we are so thrilled to work with them on this. We hope you love it, too!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

I am so excited to get this Bible study and dig deeper into God's Word. I hope that even just one person will take this opportunity to fall more in love with the Word. 

Let's study the Word and wait together.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}

Worship Through Waiting

Back to traffic and waiting. It's Friday {praise the Lord}, so my thought process is struggling. Bear with me. Remember my alternative route to avoid traffic and choosing to avoid certain pitfalls in order to keep peace in my heart while waiting?

Well, one of those things is podcasts. It's miraculous how different I feel when my mind is occupied with the podcasts. So I've taken up listening to different Christian authors and some sermons. Sermons are definitely harder to follow while driving, but it most definitely works to keep me focused on God instead of the crazy traffic and waiting.

Well, today, I took my alternate route, AND I listened to a sermon. win win.

The sermon I listened to on the way home was on Romans 12:1 // Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. {NIV, emphasis mine}

It just really got me to thinking about my life and my waiting place. Two corresponding points really stood out to me.

One. We are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices.

The preacher brought out the aspect of a sacrifice and the origination of sacrifices meant the slaughter of animals. That means there's nothing left. There's not life in that animal once its blood atoned for the peoples' sins. Offering myself means to empty me of all things me, so God can fill me up with all things Him. I am to live my life daily sacrificing my wants and even needs for His sake. For the glory of God.

Two. Offering ourselves as living sacrifices is our true act of worship.

And through this is where we come to worship. Our daily living is to be worship. Running through City Park with the wind blowing against my face is worship. Sitting in my bed meditating on the Word of God is worship. Singing praise songs at the top of my lungs in my car is worship. We worship through our daily sacrifice of ourselves.

Really, this sounds like old hat. Something I should have down by now, but this played out in my life should in and of itself redeem my waiting place. If I am emptying myself. If am laying down my wants and needs down on the altar each day. If I am truly sacrificing for God and the Gospel, the waiting has a purpose. The waiting is about so much more than just me wanting a husband and family. The waiting is about seeing more made out of Jesus.

I live each day to worship God. Not to check another day of singleness off the calendar. I really have to look deep into my heart and soul and examine what my true motives are here.

What am I living for? Marriage/Family or the Gospel?
Who am I living for? Myself or God?

I have a choice to make. Redeeming the waiting place means choosing the Gospel over marriage. Choosing God over myself.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}