Overwhelmed

"The choice remains with you, dear princess. Your Father will not force you to turn from the window, but He longs to fellowship with you. Come into His chambers, delight in His Presence. May you be found in Him -- a Lady of Devotion."

This is by far my most favorite quote from the entire book, Lady in Waiting. It gives such an amazing visual of what it is like to have intimate fellowship with the Lord. I'm reminded of the song we sang at Garaywa in the summer of '08. I don't know the title of the song or who sings it, but it just about moves me to tears every time I hear it ...

I want to sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heartbeat
Your love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming

When I close my eyes, I see myself standing out on the balcony of a castle that you see in one of those sappy romantic movies that I've watched a million times, and I'm staring out into the distance. I'm probably rotating between multiple of my nervous habits such as biting my cheeks, twisting my rings, or as Brooke likes to so often point out just moving nonstop especially with my hands. As I'm pacing out on the balcony and peering into the sunset of another day gone by in which my Prince Charming is nowhere to be found, I hear God say, "Jenna, please come and sit with me." Day after day, He makes this plea for me to turn away and return to His chambers. Night after night, He asks me to join Him in an intimate relationship. For so long, I have refused thinking my post on the castle wall was far too important and necessary to see what I was missing out on. These are such treasured days in my life where I can wholeheartedly devote my heart, mind, soul, and strength to serving God. My heart has always been so distracted by what I thought I was missing out on regarding earthly love that I missed out on the best part of all which is fellowshipping with my Heavenly Fiance. He is the Lover of my soul and my Prince of Peace ... what more could I ever need.

Before I go, I wanted to share my God moment for the day. I was driving back to my apartment for like the 5th time today, and I think I go a different way every time for no particular reason. As I was heading down one of the back streets, I focused my mind on the familiar stop sign at the end of the whole street, and I was headed for that stop sign no matter what. Before I knew it, I snapped out of my trance and realized there was a stop sign in less than 50 feet. I slammed on my brakes despite the fact that there were no cars anywhere to be seen, and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been so focused on that stop sign at the end of the road that I almost ran the stop sign right in front of my face. I do this so often in my life ... I get so focused on that next big goal (for this blog's purpose, a.k.a. marriage) that I miss out on the right now and what God has in store for me today. I don't want to do that anymore. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter for me. GRAD SCHOOL. Instead of focusing on graduation day in May 2013, I'm going to keep my eyes open for what God is doing now.

Got a little off topic tonight, but I hope this makes sense to at least one person. It would make it all worthwhile. To God be the glory.

Learning to love,
Jenna