Rescue Me

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? 'I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.'" Jeremiah 17:7-10

My words are insufficient, but God's words always convey what I can't. Makes sense, huh? If not, He wouldn't be God! Have you ever noticed how everyone tells you to follow your heart? Well, according to this verse, I'm gonna go with NEGATIVE on that one. I've been following my heart into hopelessness, self-pity, loneliness, unnecessary rejection, and a million other places God never intended for me to go. I want to be like this tree ... trusting God first and foremost ... it does not fear when the heat comes, it has no worries in a year of drought, and it never fails to bear fruit. Oh how I long to be like this tree. Instead, I spend my time "following my heart," not God. What am I thinking? All of this reminds me of two of my absolute favorite songs in high school by Codie and Josie. First of all, "Rescue Me" was pretty much my most listened to song in the ole green mazda 626, and the words became the cry of my heart.

I wanna step out of me, run away from myself
I wanna chase after you and nothing else
You rescued me, now I'm safe by your side
You were always there with your arms open wide
Rescue me ... from myself
If I'm as close to you as I want to be, God, I'm not satisfied
I wanna be closer, closer to you, closer to you and further from me

Amazing, right? I need God to rescue me from myself and my deceitful heart. I have believed all of these lies that my heart has told me. For example, "It's okay to dwell on who I think I should marry, about the wedding, and about every single detail of our lives together." LIE. My heart tells me that this is okay, but it's not. The only thing I want to dwell on is my Savior, my God. When I dwell on these material/worldly things, I sabotage my relationship with Christ. He wants my whole heart not just the portion that I am willing to give him today that I'm not reserving for that future non-existent Prince Charming. How great is it that God will rescue us from ourselves, and not only that, but He will be standing there with His arms open wide.

The other song is called "Different," and it just sums up my thoughts about what I want my life to say ...

I wanna be different. I wanna be just like you. Not like me that's not what I wanna be. I wanna be different. I wanna be just like you, cuz that's what you called me to.
How can I let others see that this world is not what you made it to be ... I can be different. I can be just like you.

This is what I want. I want to be different. Different than the world. Different than the stereotypical "Christian." Different than the lukewarm followers. Different than the status quo. I want to be just like Christ.

"So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me: 'O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?' declares the Lord. 'Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel'" Jeremiah 18:3-6

I see God doing this in my life sometimes ... especially through my times of "control-freak" mode where I try to plan out my entire life and continue on to watch my plan fall to a million pieces. As God has me on the wheel, and I am marred (due to my own attempts to do things on my way). What else does God do, but take me as I am and shape my life into what seems best to Him ... forming my life to His will (where it should've been in the first place).

I'm not sure where this all came from, but it was definitely just the ponderings of my heart tonight. All for the glory of God.

Learning to love,
Jenna