Anything BUT Easy

Why did I think that obeying God was going to get me an automatic easy card? Nope. Didn't happen.

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Well, I made the hard decision that I was struggling so hard with. For some super strange reason, I thought once I made the decision {to get the regular braces like I knew God wanted me to} that I would be uber happy about it. Needless to say, I'm gonna have to steer clear of metal detectors for the next two years.

Let's just say that my first reaction was not pretty. I'm not very proud of my initial reaction considering I barely made it to my car before I burst into tears. Why I thought this was going to be easy is a complete mystery to me. Honestly, I looked in the mirror and thought "holy crap, I have braces." My teeth hurt, and at the moment, I can't even talk without being painfully aware of the gigantic row of metal on my upper teeth. At this point, I'm not even sure what I was thinking. The complications that would have come down the road {10 LONG years from now} are starting to seem rather minor. Talk about a major wake up call. All I've ever wanted is to be beautiful. But no matter what I've done over the years {lose weight, clear up my face, wear makeup, buy cute clothes, etc}, none of it has ever worked. This just goes to show how ridiculously imperfect I am ... that I refuse to see myself through God's eyes. I've insisted on viewing myself as the world sees me. overweight. acne. abnormally tall. bad teeth. and the list goes on and on and on. What is wrong with me? Why do I continue to compare myself to the world's standards when God is standing there begging me to let it go and find my worth and beauty in Him.

I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be to get braces again. My {self-conscious sally} is back in full force, and I'm not even gonna lie ... I'm scared to smile. I'm scared that all anyone will see is the crazy large hunks of metal in my mouth. I'm overreacting, I know. I really thought I was gonna look in the mirror and see the finished product. Surprise. Nope, you're right. Still didn't happen.

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Here's the good news:
God is not finished with me yet. He's still working on me each and every day. This next season in my life as {brace face} is going to once again draw me closer to Him. That's really all I want anyway. I may lose sight of that purpose every now and then, but ultimately, I just want my life to glorify Him. I'm pretty unhappy with myself and how shallow I am at this point in my life, so in this moment, I'm just thankful that God will never be finished with me.

Let me just leave you with the lesson I learned from this crossroads in my life ... just because God places us in a certain situation or brings us to a specific place in our lives doesn't mean it is going to be easy or fun. But one thing we can be sure of is that if He brings us to it, He'll bring us through it. Praise God for that.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna