The Grass is Always Greener

... on the other side.

No, but seriously. We always look at the other side, and all we can see is the luscious, green grass that probably feels like carpet under your feet on the other side. Who doesn't do this? If you raised your hand, then Im gonna go ahead and just tell you that denial is not healthy.

Let's recap.

When I was elementary age, I wanted to be in 6th grade and go on the Washington D.C. trip. When I was in 6th grade, I wanted to be in junior high. When I was in junior high, I wanted to be in high school. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a senior. When I was a senior, I wanted to be in college. When I was in college, I wanted to be in grad school. When I started grad school, I just wanted to be done with my first year.

I have always thought the grass was greener on the other side. I have always thought that the next step was gonna be so much more fun, more liberating, more exciting, more rewarding, more everything. When I was in high school, I just wanted to be taking courses which were relevant to my course of study. When I finally got to those courses, I wanted to death sprint back to easy high school classes. My whole life I have dreamed of being this close to the rest of my life. Finishing school. Doing what God wants me to do.

{Here's the problem} Now I'm here standing of that supposed luscious, green carpet grass and I'm terrified. Of decisions. Of the unknown. Of the vast openness of the future. Of being a grown up.

Now I would much rather go back to what seemed like easier times where I didn't have to make life-changing decisions which will affect me for the rest of my life. It'd be one thing if my decisions were between getting a tattoo or a job. Buying a snake or a house. Eating an eyeball or an apple. You see these are examples of easy decisions {for me, at least}. No, the decisions looming over me are whether to work at a school or a nursing home or a hospital. Whether to go overseas never or first or later or forever. One decision leads to another and another and another. And eventually, I can't see up from down or left from right. The decisions pile up, and I just can't handle it.

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Why did I think the grass would be greener on this side? Clearly, grass is only as green as you allow it to be. If onlys could eat me alive if I really thought about all the time I wasted wishing for the carpet grass on the other side instead of watering the grass I was standing on. The same goes for my view on singleness. The grass is always gonna be greener when I'm focusing on the other side instead my own side. There are gonna be {pros and cons} to every single stage of life, every patch of grass, every step on the road. We choose to only see the pros of that other patch of grass. In reality, both singleness and marriage, high school and college, schools and hospitals, are going to be equally amazing and difficult, easy and hard, wonderful and miserable. It's just the way we choose to look at.

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I'm gonna water the grass in my right here and right now. I'm gonna do this by listening to God, studying His Word, and talking to Him constantly. Although these decisions overwhelm me and put my stomach into knots with dinosaurs rolling around in there, I know I can trust God to lead me to the right path.

I don't usually do this, but I do ask for your prayers during this time in my life. The decisions are unending, and more than anything in this world, I want to bring glory to God and follow Him wherever He leads. I've asked for a burning bush, but no matter how many times I ask for one, God seems to stick to the {subtle} in my life. Oh well. It's always worth a try.