Striving for the Impossible

The signs are unclear.

The signals are mixed. 

The rules are fuzzy. 

The lines are blurred. 

The system is broken. 

But I'm not talking about the government, healthcare, or any other popular opinion of our modern day society. I'm talking about our world which is filled with sin and darkness and corruption. 

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But really I'm talking about the impossible standards placed on single Christians {especially females since I can only vouch for my friends and myself} in the dating game in their twenties to thirties {more specifically those past the college years where new relationships go to die}. Forgive the dramatics but I'm attempting to make a point. I'm constantly mentally exhausted by the barrage of well-meaning articles telling me "don't be too this" and "make sure to be that" BUT "do not ever be this" and "only be that". I cannot even keep up with what I am expected to be. Who could with all these ever-changing perceptions of what we have to be to attract a like-minded single Christian? 

If I'm losing you in my somewhat long winded psycho babble, allow me to give you examples. 

Example one. Don't throw yourself at guys. Okay, check. I can refrain from doing that. Hmm ... Not so hard. But then. 

Example two. Don't hide yourself away. Make yourself known. You can't expect a guy to notice you unless you give him a little encouragement. Oh brother. Now I'm in trouble. Not my forte. 

Example three. Wait on God's timing. Oh okay. Well, easy enough. I like this one. But wait. 

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Example four. Sign up for christianmingle.com TODAY. Dont wait. God's match for you is waiting behind door number one. Or was that door number two. Uh oh. There's a door number three. 

Example five. Don't be needy. GREAT! I got this one down. I will be independent and prove that I am strong. BUT. 

Example six. Don't be too independent. If you're too independent, a guy will never feel needed by you. Oh ... Well, that stinks. 

Example seven. Set your standards high. Oh check, check, and check. Tall, dark, and handsome, right? Wrong. 

Example eight. Don't set your standards so high that you miss the "perfect" guy who just so happens to be a pale, 4 foot tall boy {only kidding}. Throw your laundry list to the wind, girls. 

Example nine. Run your race with your eyes fixed on Jesus. Okay, got it. Now this I can do. 

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Example ten. But don't forget to look both ways while you're running for Mr. Right. Wait what? I thought I was supposed to keep my eyes on Jesus. 

Example eleven. Surround yourself with good, Christian guys who have the same passion for God that you do ... Does going to a primarily women's university for 6 years count? 

Example twelve. When you can view every guy as a brother in Christ instead of a potential husband, you are good as gold. Okay ... Not check. 

I know I'm stretching some intentions and slightly dramatizing the points to make them more clear, but really this is how I feel. I feel overwhelmed and bombarded by so many different standards for what I'm doing right or horribly wrong. Let's face it ... If it is left up to me, I'm going to fail. royally. I know that, and more importantly, God knows that. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for people who have taken the time to share their expertise or opinion about these things which I have no life experience in, but at some point, something has got to give.  

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Last two examples. 

Example thirteen. Be content in your relationship with God and God alone. God will give you a husband when you are content with being single. Okay, so check ... Now what? 

Example fourteen. I got nothing else ... I'm too distracted by the baloney I typed above. Cue soapbox. 

Please read this very carefully. For those of you amazing girls who got married between the ages of 16-22, God bless you. I am so inconceivably happy for you. It blesses my heart to see what God is doing in your life and how He will use your marriage to glorify Him if you allow it to. I believe with every fiber of my being that your calling in life to be married is valid and beautiful and meaningful and special. But what I am asking of you is to pay those who aren't married by 22 the same respect that you have been given. Please don't invalidate our walk with the Lord because it doesn't look like yours. And Lord, help us, insinuating that the reason we're not happily married is because we're not content with God or being single will only serve to hurt and to damage the hearts of your dear sisters. It's just not okay to assume that the reason I'm not married by 25 is that a)I've done something wrong, b)God is punishing me, or c)my relationship with God is not good enough. 

Let's be clear about something, the past three years of my life have been the most challenging and thriving time in my walk than I've experienced in all my quarter of a century life. Marriage or no marriage, God and I are on great terms, and I trust Him with all that I am. My calling in life is not less or insignificant because it does not currently involve a husband. I'm running my race and you'll have to forgive me but I'm not gonna play by anyone's rules {except for God's, that is} ... Even if it is a sure-fire way to get me married. 

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I want Jesus more. I want Him more than I want money. love. contentment. acceptance. security. worth. value. husband. 

Because I already have all these things in Jesus. He satisfies the deepest longings of my soul. I want for nothing. I have everything in Him. 

Learning to be the Light, 

Jenna

P.S. All the beautiful prints of Bible verses were created by Shannon and you can find those here on her blog. I'm so thankful that she made these available as reminders of our great God. 

Where is My {Ninevah}?

Before now I had decided that I didn't have a so-called {Ninevah}. God put this on my heart through the SheSharesTruth challenge given by the SheReadsTruth community. I thought I would write a sweet little post about asking God to show me my {Ninevah} although I knew I couldn't possibly have a {Ninevah} since I'm always just so obedient {note sarcasm}.

Jonah 1:1-3

"Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, 'Arise, go to Ninevah, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me.'  BUT JONAH rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord. {ESV, emphasis mine}"

I don't want to be Jonah. I don't want to flee to Tarshish. I don't think I've ever had a reason to flee to Tarshish, because overseas missions is my passion. That's really all God has ever called me to.

Right?

Or not? My story is far from over. As the quote in my senior yearbook said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." {thanks Corrie Ten Boom}. Stay tuned for the conclusion of the story entitled {Be Careful What You Pray For}.

The {Pride} Before the Fall

Jonah 3-4 SheReadsTruth

While reading chapter 4 of Jonah today, I became rather indignant that I would never expect God to treat anyone any different than me. Definitely not less. But better? Hmmm .... I didn't want my mind to go there. 

Jonah was angry. So angry {in fact} he would've rather died. {& girls are the dramatic ones?!?} okay. okay. kidding. God had mercy on such terrible and wicked people. But they needed salvation just as much as Jonah, right? Why was Jonah so angry? 

I could never relate to this story until today. God reminded me of how I'm just like Jonah. 

Now beware. This is the ugly side of me. The not pretty, not nice, not merciful side of me. That I'm anything but proud of. 

I've done everything possible to live my life by the book. Following the rules. Listening to my elders. Taking instruction. & so on & so on. I did everything right, so I should be rewarded with whatever I want, RIGHT??? 

This sounds even worse written out than it does in my head but here it goes:

I was obedient=I don't get a {insert boyfriend, skinny body, date, the list goes on}

Unnamed person is NOT obedient=She gets a {insert boyfriend, skinny body, date, etc} 

Here you are allowed to picture my 3 year old tantrum, because that is exactly what it is. 

I'm just like Jonah. Drowning in pity for myself & anger over things not going {my way}. Selfish, pitiful me. 

God's plans are bigger than my plans. His thought higher than my thoughts. Who am I? To judge? To decide? 

I'm not. 

But. 

I AM is. 

When I become prideful of what I have done, God has to use whatever measures necessary to bring me to my knees to remind me that He is the only one who has done anything. Scratch that. Everything. 

My precious God & Father, how I pray that my heart is moved into a position of gratitude and humility to become more of the woman you created me to be. 

What is {Lent} Anyway?

Lent never really made sense to this Baptist-raised Mississippi Girl. I had friends who did it, & every now & then I might attempt to give something up which only lasted for a few days really. I knew it had deeply spiritual meaning, but the problem was that I couldn't really see that lived out in the people who were partaking in it. Rarely had I ever seen anyone bear incredible fruit from their sacrifice of dr. pepper or chocolate {which can be done if done in the right way}. It was more like a parade of religious self-righteousness than humble worshipers.

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Participating in #SheReadsTruth devotionals each morning has given me a brand new view of Lent. One that I know will continue with me the rest of my life. This Lent season I will sacrifice something in the privacy of my heart, mind, & soul to help me grow in a more intimate way with the Lord Jesus while also reflecting on the beautiful season of Easter approaching. Oh to dwell in the presence of God & marvel over all He has done. 

Psalm 130 {HCSB}
Out of the depths I call to You, Yahweh!
Lord, listen to my voice; let Your ears be attentive to my cry for help.
Yahweh, if You considered sins, Lord. who could stand?
But with You there is forgiveness, so that You may be revered.
I wait for Yahweh; I wait and put my hope in His word.
I wait for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning --
more than watchmen for the morning. Israel, put your hope in the Lord.
For there is faithful love with the Lord, and with Him is redemption in abundance.
And He will redeem Israel from all its sins.

The promise I hear ringing in these words is "Redemption is coming." As we prepare our hearts for Easter & the celebration of victory over sin, I stand in awe of a God who knew long before it was to happen that He would send His only Son to redeem the world. 

Promise fulfilled. Redemption is here.

#SheSharesTruth
Check out some other awesome reflections on Psalm 130 here.

It's a Diet, It's a New Year's Resolution, NO, It's ...

CONVICTION.

Straight up. full-blown. Conviction.

On a regular basis, I get asked:
*why are you eating so healthy?
*why are you always working out?
*why aren't you eating any cake/dessert/candy?
*are you not going to eat something?
*don't you want a/an {insert some exceptionally tempting food}?

I get the questions are totally out of curiosity/concern/love, etc... but I never really know how to answer them. I'm not dieting. It's not a new year's resolution. It's pure conviction. & the reality is that no one really wants to hear that, because food/gluttony is such a socially acceptable sin amongst the church today.
Let me dive into some Scripture that surrounds my conviction:
*disclaimer: after each verse is my personal interpretation of the Scripture based on the Holy Spirit's leading/guiding during my quiet times & even potentially out of the typical context of the verses. God spoke to me through His Word and specifically targeted my area of sin/struggle.*

1 Corinthians 6:12 "'Everything is permissible for me'  -- but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me' -- but I will not be mastered by anything."

Whew ... this one gets me every time. But seriously. I was being mastered by food in my life. Is there really anything else to be said about that? It speaks for itself. Yes, we have to have food to eat {that's a fact}, so in the real world, food will be everywhere. All food is allowed but it's not all beneficial for my body. It is all permissible, but I can only serve one master. 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

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My brain organization of this one goes like this: So let me get this straight. My body is a temple ... everything I put into my temple either honors or dishonors God. Wowzers. Give me a second while I regain the feeling in my body. That just about knocks me out. The implications of that single verse is enough to make me never even want to eat again, but nevertheless, I've never been capable of being anorexic {so no worries on that front}

1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God -- even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."

I can glorify God through what I eat & drink? Well, that changes the game a bit. I am constantly seeking God to find ways that I can glorify Him through everything I do but to know that I can do that with eating & drinking definitely adds a whole new meaning to what I'm doing. I want to glorify God through everything I do even down to the smallest of things. Nothing matters compared to the glory of God. The other side of this is that I want my actions {even eating & drinking} to point others to Christ so that maybe {just  maybe} they will come to know Him because of it. That's the whole meaning of my existence anyway. To be an example of Christ.

So that sums up the verses that led to my current conviction regarding my healthy lifestyle, but there has to be more. Being convicted is only one side of the coin, there's other side of it that requires some action. I had to figure out a way to fight the fight and defeat this struggle once & for all through Christ's strength.
Now I'll reveal my battle plan in Scripture:

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

Jesus experienced every temptation that I am faced with hourly, daily, weekly, etc. My number one is to fight back with the word of God because it is alive and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. My God gave us a tool to fight temptation. Temptation for me doesn't come in public places. I'm so over cake and terrible foods at restaurants. I am my own worst enemy, & the real temptation for me comes when I am all alone. It's in those moments that God gives me a way out. He is faithful every time.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

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Fixing my eyes on Jesus. & Jesus only. The holy and most precious Word of God can satisfy my every desire & longing {including those for food}. It works. Fool-proof. 100% guaranteed. 

Sadly the overall state of health in the church is dismal. I'm so tired of feeling bad for eating healthy or feeling like I'm the one doing something wrong. I'm more than happy to talk about it if you're willing to hear my truthful answer. The reality is that it is insanely difficult to eat healthy in our society, and one meal gone wrong can completely throw me off for an entire week. I'm trying to avoid sin here, and the temptations are around every corner.

I have no desire to take on the topic of the obesity epidemic in the church in this blog post. What I do want to do is give an honest and open look at my heart's biggest struggle. I've lost this battle over & over & over again. I've cried myself to sleep over it more times than I can count. I have spent the majority of my life living defeated by this sinful lifestyle.

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The problem comes when I try to satisfy my body with food {or anything else other than Jesus aka marriage, money, status}. If only I stopped eating when I should, but I don't. I keep eating & eating. 

Here recently I've rediscovered a verse that I've always enjoyed but I've now found new meaning to it. 

When I truly feast on the Word of God, the taste of the Lord is so sweet & satisfying that I couldn't possibly even think of food or anything else. 

Every day I get up and put on the armor of God. I have to protect myself from the sin, the temptation, the world. Without God, I fail. With Him, I finally break free of these chains. 

No matter what area of my life God is working on, I'm continually learning that the answer to all my problems is: only Jesus can satisfy. 

Only Jesus. Not food. Not a guy. Not marriage. Not children. Not anything of this world. 

Only. Jesus.

The {Blogging Dilemma} of Twenty Fourteen

I want to write, but I don't want to just write. I want to write something God-glorifying, meaningful, & life-changing.  That's asking a lot of a simple, little blog, right? I realize that, but I also recognize that God is bigger & mightier & cooler than most people give Him credit for.

This blog is for Him. & Him only.

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That's why I started this blog, & that will be the reason I end it. I wait for each & every step that God tells me to take.

God has been teaching me so much lately about life & myself & the world. It all overwhelms me at times. I want so badly to simplify my life down to the very basic necessity: Jesus.

There are things that get in the way. Life. Love. Family. Work. Schedules. Technology. The list goes on & on & on.

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I never want to fill this space with empty words. I want God to use these words to speak to hearts just like He has to mine. I pray this post is a catalyst for me seeking God's words not my own.

What will you find here on this {God}-blog, you ask?

Well, probably a little bit of everything with a side of honesty, humility, & truth ... & quite possibly a big ole plate of {real life}.

God has been relentless as always here of late when it comes to my health {aka body/self image/weight}, my day-to-day walk with Him, Scripture memorization, & life lessons.

That's why this is calling {Learning} to be the Light.

28 Days of Thanksgiving {Single Edition}

Has anyone else noticed their facebook newsfeed being constantly bombarded by a million and one well-meaning/some trashy/junk/cry fest articles & videos along with the five thousand thankful posts? Don't get me wrong I love these & I read more of them than I am willing to admit at the present moment. But for the most part, my brain has been on complete overload with all of it ... Not the point of this post ... moving on. I do genuinely love the thankful posts, but for some reason {unbeknownst to me} I can't get on that bandwagon & post those every day.

So in typical God fashion, here I am on my humble little blog of 20 something followers expressing a reason *all 28 of them* for every day leading up to & including {THANKSGIVING}about why being single is good. {Short disclaimer: this by no means is intended to undermine the blessing of marriage or make it seem that I think I am any more blessed than the next average jane. I am simply following God in obedience by taking this opportunity to see the blessings God has given me during this season of my life *which just so happen to be directly correlated to my singleness & my desperate need to be more thankful in my circumstances*. Okay. end of my not so short disclaimer.}

Every year around this time, the lovey dovey posts multiply by the thousands {and rightfully so ... no judgment here} as well as all the perfect Christmas card photos displaying couple after couple madly in love. Excuse me while I barf. haha. just kidding. kind of. No, seriously ... please post yourselves silly to give as much publicity to whatever blessings God has given you from the moutaintops, because seeing happiness, blessings, & uplifting material boasting about our amazing God on social media has become so few and far between that it's important that the world sees at least a little bit of Christ in the so-called Christian community. Not to mention, I have a tendency to view singleness as a punishment or something when in reality it can {can being the key word depending on your my disposition} be just as rewarding and blessed.

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Well, here goes. Buckle up. The ride could get bumpy.

I'm thankful for ...

28} My quiet cellphone. That sounds weird, but I'm less than thrilled with my phone blowing up on a regular basis. I like not having to watch my phone. When I am conversing with another human being via text, I find it annoyingly necessary to immediately respond. I am not a fan of delayed/ongoing/nonchalant/stupid conversation. So yes {despite how desperate I was as a teenager to have boys text me like they did my friends}, I like a quiet and/or silent cellphone.

27} Being able to make independent decisions without muddying my internal waters with someone else's feelings/thoughts/ideas/opinions. {Don't get me wrong ... I also acknowledge how nice it would be to share life decisions with someone ... just seeing the glass half full here}. I only have to consult God for His guidance for life decisions. no one else.

26} A king bed all to myself. That should speak for itself.

25} & while we're on this general topic. No snoring. {Insert relieved face here}

24} No one to consult about what temperature to keep the thermostat on ... other than my parents who happen to foot that bill.

23} Sitting at home on a Friday night in my PJs watching as many girly tv shows & movies I can find.

22} No-shave winter. Okay, so I do shave occasionally during winter, but the beauty of being single is that I have no one to impress & time is already limited in the morning ... so the first thing to get cut off my morning to do list is the shaving.

21} No stress over ridiculous girl moments I have with warring thoughts of "What is he thinking?" "What did he mean by that?" "Does he even like me?" So not worth it.

20} Not having to spend ridiculous amounts of money on someone for Christmas & birthdays that they probably won't appreciate anyway ... Goes both ways with someone buying me something that I might not be super appreciative of {although I pretty much love all gifts that come from the heart}.

19} Never having to dress up for anyone. Do I choose/have to dress up on Sundays & for work? yes. Do I dress up for any occasion other than that? no.

18} Not having to think about someone watching me eat in what is already a potentially awkward situation {especially with stinking braces ... but side note: braces are coming off in t minus 28 days. whoa buddy}

17} Having a beautiful white Christmas tree covered in pink, purple, blue, & green ornaments. I love having one of the girliest trees on the planet. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

16} & on that note. Being able to buy pink everything. bathroom, bedroom, pillows, plates, cups, etc. I love pink & I'm not ready to give that up just yet.

15} Friends. In my experience with friends, {girl} friends cease to exist when a significant other comes into the picture. Now I may be speaking out of stupidity/lack of experience in this particular situation, but if/when I am ever in a relationship, it doesn't make sense to me to put a friend on the backburner ... but maybe that's just because I've spent the majority of my life on the backburner to everyone else's boyfriend. That's right. I did notice. It did hurt. & the good news is that I've learned from it & I hope to never make my friends feel the way I've felt. Having girls that are as close as sisters who can build us up & uniquely know how our brains function is so important. God gave us friends for a reason, but needless to say I'm thankful for the friends I have right now & the time I have to spend with them. {Sorry didn't realize that was such a touchy topic for me ... moving on}

14} Not having to share. This sounds selfish, but give me a break ... this is not easy coming up with TWENTY-EIGHT reasons that I'm thankful for something that I struggle with being thankful for. :)

13} My independence. & at least give me a little credit for a past blog post about relinquishing some of my obsessive built up need for my independence. That's been mostly shattered by my current living status ... aka my parent's house. But even still, I sure do love my independence, & God is the only dependence I currently see as necessary.

12} Being able to eat at any restaurant I so choose. If I want to eat at subway five times a week, I'll be darn, that's what I'm gonna do. Thankfully, there's no one there to complain about that.

11} & for that matter .... Cooking/Eating whatever I want. Minus my parents, but I'm working on that one.

10} Having the task of cleaning up after myself only ... & if my mom reads this, it's really not necessary to make some mean comment that I don't clean up after myself anyway.

9} Only being financially responsible for myself. & if you know me, you know that's hard enough as it is.

8} The luxury of getting to leave work, go home, & just enjoy the peace & quiet with no plans or schedules. My planner is already crazy enough without someone else doubling that on me.

7} A career that I love & am very passionate about. God called me to speech pathology many years ago, but had I met someone & married in college, I probably would've never followed through with my master's degree. If you've ever talked to me for more than 5 minutes since I started college in August 2007, you know my heart is overseas. The truth is IF I had met someone & gotten married right out of college, I would have probably insisted that a master's degree was unnecessary & encourage said husband to immediately move us/family overseas. So praise the good Lord Jesus above that He didn't allow that & that I am now in one of the most challenging and fulfilling jobs I could ever imagine. Whew ... I sure am thankful for Jesus.

6} A closer walk with the Lord in times of loneliness & fear. When I feel like I can't handle being single for a moment longer, I feel the Lord take my hand & whisper into my heart. "I am enough for you."

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5} The opportunity to just work on me {inside & outside for that matter} & get rid of some of my baggage in life. God has been using this time in my life to refine me. Most of the time it feels like He has me in the fire, but I'm okay with that as long as it draws me closer to Him.

4} The time I have right now to spend investing in & ministering to others. All types of people & especially girls of all ages. My 8th grade sunday school girls. All of the GAs at church whom I have gotten the opportunity to share my passion for missions with.

3} Being able to spend all of my holiday breaks with my family instead of splitting my time & seeing less of my amazing family. {Noted that I'm sure I would love in-laws if I had them; yet, I don't have them... so I'm thankful for the lack of in-laws in my current circumstance}

2} The ability to be able to jump on a plane at any moment & drop everything to go on mission trips over holidays and summer break. I want to tell people about Jesus here & in every deepest, darkest corner of this world. I long & desire to be apart of God's work all over the world to tell every boy & girl, man & woman about the love of Jesus. It is my joy & pleasure to give back what has been so graciously & mercifully given to a wretched sinner like me. I truly believe that God is pacifying my heart in the here & now with a summer break to spend overseas until His plan takes me there more permanently.

1} Being exactly where God wants me & today that is single. I'm most thankful for the fact that God has a special plan for my life. Psalm 139:15-16 says, "My frame was not hidden from {Him} when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, {His} eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in {His} book before one of them came to be." I'm thankful that I'm single, because God has planned for me to be single for His plan and His glory. & that's a good enough reason for me.

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Yep, I think that about covers it. Now please hear me when I say, that IF by some miracle of the good Lord Jesus above I do ever get married, I will probably have to eat every one of these words & actually rewrite this post stating the complete opposite. But in my life {today} these are things that God needed to remind me of to break down my preconceived plans for me & teach me that I have so much to be thankful for & even more to continue working on/growing in the Lord. 

Maybe one day I will have 28 Days of Thanksgiving {Married Edition} ... Only God knows. & if the day never comes, I will rejoice for the life I have been given & praise His name until kingdom come. The greatest blessing on earth is the miracle of the Gospel. God made a way for us despite our dark & sinful ways. He stepped in & sacrificed the innocent blood of Jesus for you & me to gain inheritance in His kingdom. 

Shouldn't every day be Thanksgiving for that reason alone? 

Learning to be the Light, 

Jenna

The In Between Part 2

Oh the in between times of life. Although the particular in between this post was specifically referring to was back in the summer, life has taken me by surprise and kept me so super crazy busy. So for part 2 of those in between times.

I have a big girl job. get out of town. How on earth did that happen? I left the country {aka insert 6 week trip to Ukraine}back in May with no job offer and no assurance of any job. Heck I actually turned a job down in hopes of the current one I have now and because God told me to {gotta love when God tells me to do something that makes no sense to any one in the entire world ... not even me}.

Big girl job hit me like a ton of bricks. literally felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on me when I was recovering from my tonsil/nasal surgery. So needless to say I was hot mess, but I braved the venture out in the real world to check out my very own SPEECH ROOM. Back up. Did you hear that? I have my own speech room? whoa buddy. That takes a second to sink in. Here's some before photos of my blah room:

I couldn't handle the blah, so I attempted to make it look a little snazzier and more like me. Check it out.

Whooooooo loves good speech???? This speech therapist does. ;)

This girl has her very own speech room. And we are 7 to 8 post school starting yet it still hasn't completely sunk in. This definitely makes me feel grown up. Praise the Lord for the job He has provided, and the sweet, precious kiddos I get to love on each and every day.

If all goes as planned, you have lots of blog posts to look forward to including a series of {why} posts that God has recently laid on my heart. Get ready. I'm back to the blogging world.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

The In Between Part 1

Staring at the keyboard and praying that your fingers will just start typing some meaningful words in that blank white box is overwhelming. Especially when you've inadvertently neglected your blog for the past {oh I don't know like 2 months}little while. I have good intentions and a heart so full of emotions, challenges, lessons, and craziness that I just haven't known where to start. It has felt like a very "in between" time for me. I technically accomplished the summer plan of traveling around the world only to sit down and wait for the next thing. So let me just fill you in on "the in between."

In case you missed it, I got back safe and sound from my kind of home away from home. The last few weeks of my trip were a complete blur, so I'm not entirely clear on what happened except that the whirlwind that was my schedule just got away from me. If you keep up with me on any from of social media, you would have to have been living under a rock to have missed a precious little, blond-headed, Ukrainian girl who stole my heart right out of my chest. If you need a reminder, here she is:

I don't know how I walked away that last day without becoming a complete mess. But by the grace of God, I trusted that He has that little girl and her precious brother {& all those other little blessings} in the palm of His hands. That last week went by so quickly that I barely had time to catch my breath before I set out on a plane ride back to the U.S. I was thankful to be home, but I didn't stay there long.

Only long enough to love on these two little boys.

And of course we had to commemorate my homecoming somehow. 

Just less than a week later, I made the ever longer journey from Olive Branch down to Clinton to be the camp missionary at Garaywa. I've always {& I mean ALWAYS}loved Garaywa. As a cabin leader, it helped shape and mold me more into what God wanted me to be faster than almost any other experience in my life. You try being thrown into a cabin with a peer {for the purposes of making my point let's compare this to living with a spouse}for less than a week and then ... {brace yourself} 14 little girls between the ages of like 8 and 11. Talk about a crash course in parenting/motherhood/marriage aka some intense life experiences. But from that time on, my heart's desire was to come back as camp missionary. From the first time I was a camper, to hearing the missionary as a cabin leader, to being the camp missionary the fall mother/daughter ... I had to do whatever it took to get back there this summer.

One word to sum up me week at camp: Blessing. {you didn't think I could come up with just one word, did you?} I never dreamed that my week would be as absolutely A-mazing as it was. The cabin leaders. The best. The lead team. The best. The campers. The best. You get the picture, huh? I seriously could write 7-10 individual blog posts on that week alone, so I'll leave it at this. If you want to hear about my week at Garaywa, I'd love for you to just ask. {Seriously. It just blesses my heart to get to share about it}.

Well, let's continue on in this crazy blog post of my part 2 summer ramblings. Garaywa was epic, but Saturday and my time to leave came all too quickly. Fortunately {like I said before, cabin leaders=the best}, some of the awesome cabin leaders invited me to walk The Color Run ...... check that off the bucket list. I must do it again. It was an absolute blast. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

Naturally, after having all that fun, there had to be a downer, so in I went to surgery to have my tonsils removed, my septum straightened {or something like that}, and my turbinators trimmed {yep, we definitely have turbinators or maybe it's turbinates in our noses ... either way, still a funny name}. Despite my objections, my mother took a before surgery picture.

Thankfully, she respected my wishes and spared me from an after surgery picture. Because after surgery, I entered into the two WORST weeks of my summer. I was technically sitting pretty until about 6 days following my surgery when I ran out of pain meds. I officially ran out of the real pain meds on Saturday night {only 8 days following my surgery}. Never have I experienced such severe pain. Boy, am I glad that is over. I was even one of the lucky ones who experienced a side effect of surgery which severely decreased my sense of taste. I. was. miserable. But now I'm 100% better and all the more appreciative of being able to swallow solid/crunchy/normal foods with no pain. Most unexpected side effect of nasal surgery: nonstop sneezing. Just keep your distance. I will sneeze at least 15 times a day. if not more. But what really got me through was the sweet little things like this precious card from my fabulous sunday school girls ... this seriously meant the world to me.

In the midst of recovering from my lovely surgery, I was attempting to make the most of what was left of my last summer as a {techincally} university/grad student. I saw family. sister. brother in law. brother. sister in law. nephews. aunts. uncles. cousins. grandparents. I think that pretty much covers it. I was keeping busy. And last but not least whatsoever, the biggest change in my life here lately is starting a big girl job as speech therapist at DeSoto Central Elementary. Yep, my mother once again went against my objections and took an incredibly sappy photo of me leaving for my first day of work.

There you have it. Jenna McMurphy, M.S., CF-SLP. That feels good to say.

Next up on my blog catch up will be my speech therapy room before/after pictures. I've been a little crafty here lately.

This is all what I have decided to fondly call "the in between." I've been in between a whole lot of things, God has been relentless about holding me accountable during this "in between" time to committing every single moment to Him. I'm just so thankful that God has brought to this moment, and I can look back on this summer and the fun I had and know without a doubt that He was glorified and made more of. I love living life for Him. It makes it all worthwhile.

Learning to be the Light,

 

 P.S. Sorry for the picture overload, but I felt it was necessary. :)