That "Coming Home" Feeling

There were times that I thought I would never feel that again. That "coming home" feeling when you return to a place that served as home. I really thought that the "home" concept was a thing of the past. 

I've actually spent many years being discontent with my lack of a "home." Grenada was really the only home I'd ever known. With every year that passed, it felt less like home. 

I felt a little lost through college not having a home. But there were technically many places I could call home. I just didn't connect with any of those places. 

I wasn't happy with that lack of home but what choice did I really have. 

Discontentment was reigning in my heart at that time. Then I finally found a home at Longview Heights Baptist Church. Once I started putting forth the effort to be involved and get to know people, God blessed that tenfold. I was finally content with my home. I was so content. 

But then God called me to leave my home. Also know as my contentment. 

For a while now, I have definitely been struggling with this leaving home part as an area of discontentment. I love my church and the people who have impacted my life here. That place stole my heart with such loving and wonderful people. 

Today as I got to visit and see people that I haven't seen in a couple months, I had that "coming home" feeling. 

Even though it is hard that I had to leave home, I am finding contentment in that "coming home" feeling. That is such a great feeling to have. To be surrounded by love is to be home.

                       

I don't think I truly knew that until now. I didn't grow up in Olive Branch. Really I have only been there officially for the last year and a half. For a while I allowed that to be an area of discontentment that I didn't have a place to call home anymore.  The number one thing I was missing was God's role in all of it. When will I learn that everything falls into place when every part of my life is submitted under His control? 

His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways. He has plans far exceeding anything I could come up with. 

Contentment is found in Jesus. Not my home or lackthereof. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Just a Glimpse {Round 3}

I don't know what it is about Saturdays/weekends, but I just feel contentment wash over me on the weekends. I tend to take more time to count my {many, many} blessings on the weekends when I step away from the mild stress of weekday work and schedules. I love the freedom of the weekend and the privilege I have to jump in my car and take part in special events in my loved ones' lives. 

This weekend started out with my favorite second family. This precious family took me in during grad school {aka the dark days} and loved me like their own which was an immeasurable blessing in my life. 

                      

We have this tradition that every time I come into town, we make an ice cream run to Kroger. These girls are so special to me and the little sisters I never had. 

                      

This morning I got to attend my {not so little anymore} Laura Hope's first piano recital. She played Jesus Loves Me, and my favorite part was watching her sing along as she played, because this little girl knows that Jesus loves her. 

                      

I got to celebrate this best friend of mine and her upcoming wedding. She's getting married in just two weeks. I could not be any more excited for her. She is going to be a beautiful bride and an amazing Godly wife. 

Then I had the privilege of watching the sun set over Starkville and West Point. God is so good. 

         

         

            

         

         

         

I am so in awe of God and His creativity. That was Him. All Him. He made that sunset. He crafted those clouds. That sun. Those colors. It is all His work. That's the same God who made me and loved me. 

Today has been emotional as my family moved my grandparents out of the home that they have lived in my entire life and almost all of their married life. It's the place where we have had many adventures, countless memories, and treasured holiday/family gatherings. It's hard to let go of those earthly things, but it is time to let go in order to take care of my grandparents. 

                       

The day ended with this little one in my arms. I don't think these little boys even know how much I miss them on a daily basis. But today is what I have. I will treasure and gather up these moments in my heart and my mind until next time. 

God has shown me how to find contentment in the blessings He has bestowed on me. How very gracious of Him. Watching the sun set on my drive home to surprise my family tonight just served as a reinforcement of the contentment I have found. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

The Silver Lining

Don't ask me how this thought came to me. It can only be contributed to the good Lord above, because even as I am currently typing, I'm not entirely sure where this post is going.

As I was running yesterday, I had a thought. Is there any positive side of discontentment? That's a strange thought, isn't it? Well, welcome to the every day thought process of Jenna. It's exhausting.

Of course {in my mind} my first response {to myself} to that thought was absolutely not.

But then I stopped {my thoughts not running} and really pondered over this. As I  was running while watching the sunset over the Mississippi River, trying to slow down my breathing, and talking to God about this oh so important subject to me {I'm a pro multi-tasker}, another thought hit me.

I am discontent with my heart, my sin, my attitudes, my selfishness, this life. I'm gonna call this a holy discontentment. I feel like I've heard this terminology around the block somewhere and feel sure there is some actual definition for it, but I'm gonna make my own today.

I believe there is a distinct difference between being discontent with our earthly lives/pleasures/happiness and being discontent with  the state of our world, children starving, human trafficking, the lostness of our world. This type of holy discontentment spurs us on to do something. to take action. to show love to others.

Another facet of my holy discontentment concept is a deeper longing for something more only filled by Jesus and a yearning for eternity in the presence of God/His second coming.

I'm discontent with being a mediocre Christian. This is a good thing. I hope I am never content with where I am in my walk with Him. I can't believe that I am about to type this out but discontentment can be a good thing. Especially when it leads me to seek out the Lord to fill that inner longing.  

Discontentment that leads me to the feet of Jesus cannot be a bad thing.

The silver lining of this is encouraging to me. I do believe living in ignorance of discontentment in our lives is very dangerous, because obviously that's not leading us to Jesus for fulfillment. I pray that we are always aware and diligently examining our own hearts to determine our true motives and how we can replace the me with Him.

Lord, please use my holy discontentment to impact the world around me for your glory.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

The Long Haul

I am not one to sprint. I love running. It clears my head. Gives me time and space to think and spend time talking to God. I could go out there and run as hard as I can to the finish line but the finish line is nearly 5 miles in the distance. I would lose steam after about oh I don't know five seconds of sprinting. I'm all about the jog to endure the distance. Or the long haul. 

For the first two decades of my life, I either refused or loathed running, so to say that I'm not fast is probably a vast understatement. I'm what you might compare to the turtle. Who might I add in the end of the story wins the race. Beside the point. It's unrealistic to expect myself to sprint to the contentment finish line. I would grow weary fast and give up. So pointless. 

Slow and steady will get to that proverbial finish line. I feel God telling me to slow down and take it one day at a time. He is so faithful. I have seen countless answered prayers just in the last 16 days of this journey specifically related to my contentment. 

                      

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive perishable wealth, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 

{1 Corinthians 9:24-27, ESV}

I'm not giving up. I'm gonna set my jogging pace and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Halfway to Forever

I'd like to say this challenge is halfway over and that in fifteen days I will be cured of discontentment. But we all know that to be untrue.

I couldn't feel it today. I started this day like I have the past fifteen with good quality time with the Lord. But today I just felt off. 

I wanted more. I wanted to walk away. I wanted to not have to worry about things. I wanted some rest. I wanted.

                  

I'm about being truthful on here, and today there was no magical contentment moment. I felt so weary. A deep down weary that is stifling, heavy, and unwelcome. 

It's not like anyone can look at me and know I'm discontent in that moment. It's such a heart issue, and really I'm a pro at hiding those. 

But I don't want to hide it. Halfway to 31 days: yes. Halfway to contentment: I'd say no. Halfway to forever: always. This journey of drawing closer to Jesus is forever. 

I may not have felt the overwhelming sense of contentment today but praise God, I have hope for tomorrow. I have hope for a forever spent in relationship with Him. Because he called me to Himself. And I made a decision to follow. 

God is purifying me. Making me more like Himself. In order to refine silver, you put it into the fire until the Creator's reflection is seen. Some days feel like I'm in the fire. But the fire is worth it, if I am showing God's reflection somewhere along the way. 

Today I'm just gonna run into the arms of Jesus. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

I May Be

I may be doing work at home {which is typically against my life rules}. I may be stressed to the max. I may be scared of failing. I may be overwhelmed to potential tears. I may be a complete mess. I may be a whole lot of things that aren't necessary to type out here for you. 

But I am NOT going to let this steal my peace. I am NOT going to let this take away my contentment. 

This morning in my devotional {SheReadsTruth ... if you haven't heard of it, you should check it out here}, the key verse was 1 Peter 5:12b.

"This is the true grace of God. Stand firm in it."

I felt so much peace as I meditated on that verse this morning. Recapping the book of 1 Peter, I stand firm in the hope God gives, the call to be holy like Him, my adoption as a child of God,  freedom of life in Christ.

Tonight as I allowed the cool, fall breeze blow in through our balcony door, breathed in the sweet scent of my marshmallow fireside candle, set my feet up on the coffee table, pressed play on my current Netflix show, and opened my work laptop to do more work, I knew God was with me in this moment. Even if this moment isn't my idea of contentment.

I seek contentment from God. Not my circumstances.

How many times do I have to repeat that to get it into my head? Okay. Well, I will keep trying.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Pressing On

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with work this week. Okay. More than a little bit. More like a whole lot. I usually handle stress well, but this week just needs to be over. And quick. 

I feel like contentment is literally the last thing on my mind tonight but really the question of the hour is am I content right now. If I'm choosing contentment found in God then obviously I'll be content even in the midst of craziness at work. 

                         

If my recent posts have made it seem like I've already attained contentment then let me leave you with this verse for the day:

"Not that I have already obtained all this, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But on thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14 {NIV}

Even when this challenge ends on October 31, my challenge to find contentment will continue. Every day. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

My Prayer

Tonight as I start out on the third week of this writing challenge, I'm taking time to pray. Pray for God to lead me. Type through me. Teach me. Speak to me. Open my eyes to more areas of discontentment. 

And pray for those of you around me who are struggling alongside me to find your contentment in God. As I told a friend today, I sincerely hope no one gets the impression that this is easy for me or that I've already found full contentment, because there is nothing further from the truth. This is a never-ending journey that I'm on. I hope you'll continue to join me in the fight for contentment as I power through to the halfway point of this challenge. 

                        

Today I'm praying for this journey/challenge and I'm praying for you. 

I'm fighting for contentment today. Join me. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Just a Glimpse {Round 2}

Today.

Every moment can bring you contentment if you just look for God in that moment.

This weekend has been another glimpse of what it feels like to be truly content in my current life. God has been so good to me. I love my life.

How could I not? Last night involved half-price appetizers with some co-workers at American Sector restaurant at the WWII museum, delicious seafood from the Louisiana Seafood Festival with great friends, and live music down by the Frenchman Art Market with the roomie.

I am living a life that brings me so much joy. I am content in the moments God has given me. Each moment of the day is a gift from God.

Today. I slept until almost 11am. I did nothing all day. The roomie and I sat and watched the MS State football game {but seriously who am I and what have I done with the old Jenna? & #hailstate}. That's all we did. It was glorious. I did a little work while we watched. Which have I mentioned that I'm thankful for a rewarding job today? The day ended with sushi, a grocery run, and a redbox movie.

I love my life.

The redbox movie I am currently watching is Mom's Night Out, and I must say you moms out there have a very tough job. One in which I'm kind of thankful I don't have today. So props to you moms. I love moms. I happen to have the greatest mom on planet earth. But today I'm content being a single in NOLA.

I eat oysters and watch football. I am a twenty something who is having a blast.

Thank you, God, for giving me contentment in my life.

This is contentment.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

A Heart Divided

My heart betrays me.

I love New Orleans. I love it so much. I love the people. I love the culture. I love the food. I love the festivals. I love the atmosphere. I love the opportunities to serve. I love all things NOLA.

But sometimes. Just sometimes. I'm reminded of how my heart longs for another city hidden away in the northeastern corner of Asia.

                      

The discontentment comes when I think about all that I could be doing in East Asia. The life I could be leading. The people I could be doing life with. 

Even though my heart longed for the simpler, less stressful life in EA this morning, I realized in the midst of that that my contentment cannot be contingent upon my circumstances. As long as I choose contentment now. today. in Christ, nothing that comes my way will be able to shake my contentment. 

I'm choosing the now. I'm choosing to be content in Jesus and where He has me today. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}