Do Something

Do something you're passionate about. Do something God has called you to. Do something that brings you joy. Do something. And do it now.

The fail-proof {okay not really but super close} way to experience contentment. Do something. Be obedient to what God calls you to do.

I love GAs {in the Southern Baptist world, that stands for Girls in Action}. I grew up in GAs. I was first taught about missions in GAs. I learned what it truly means to be a missionary in GAs. I then went to college and helped teach GAs for four and a half years and worked {what once was} GA camp for two summers as a cabin leader. God has used GAs to shape my life in unfathomable ways.

God has given me an undeniable passion for young girls in the church. Being a GA teacher means being one of the first people to teach these girls what missions really looks like. that missions starts at home. that they are missionaries even at eight years old. that there are people around the world who have never heard of Jesus and others who have never owned a Bible. It makes me giddy just typing that out.

Not only do I love making missions come alive for these girls but I also love just getting to watch God work in their lives. Such a blessing.

When I moved down here to NOLA, I knew God wanted me to find a church where I could continue serving in this capacity. It was mandatory. I didn't know how long it would take me to find the church God wanted for me. It was the first church I visited on a Sunday morning and lo and behold, they have GAs.

As I helped in the GA class tonight, I experienced the most intense and overwhelming sense of contentment. When I am serving in the exact way that God created/shaped me to do, I am beyond words content with life. It is the best feeling. At the end, I got to sit down with three women of God who are each in totally different stages of life. I was utterly and completely content with the exact spot God had me tonight. It was incredible to sit down. the four of us women. all explicitly different stages/roles of life. but all connected with a deep love for God and passion for teaching girls about missions.

God is faithful. Pray for contentment. He won't change your circumstances. He will change your heart.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

#GIRLPROBLEMS

Have you seen the Garnier Fructis commercial on TV where the guys read out tweets/posts about some trying situation ending with #girlproblems. It's hilarious. Please watch it.

So much truth in that short three minute video. I laugh every time I watch it.

I feel like I'm beating a dead horse with this one, but I'm still stuck on this oil change/mechanic complex thing from the weekend. It really got me to thinking about how hard it can be to be girl and how ill-equipped I sometimes feel as a girl.

Okay. okay. So I don't know anything about cars. or oil. or when I should actually get my air cabin filter changed. or how to change the battery in my car clicker. or anything else car-related for that matter.

I've had multiple negative experiences at dealerships and really anywhere mostly employed by men just because I was a girl there by myself. It never fails that I will end up calling my dad to run it all by him. It's like when men start talking about these things, my brain turns to mush. My brain cannot process a single word they are saying. #girlproblems

I'm a girl. I can't change that. God made me a girl. But it is hard to be a girl.

I've just never fit the mold of your average girl. There have definitely been moments of discontentment in some of my {lack of girl} qualities.

I'm an initiator. I'm a fixer. I'm very independent. forward. opinionated. and many other things that don't exactly qualify me as that Proverbs 31 woman.

I love taking the lead. It is easy for me. It is not easy for me to even think about the idea of submission.

These are not considered to be super qualities for a girl to possess. Oh and there is the visually obvious part of being ridiculously tall. Also not a feminine quality.

I could get caught up in discontentment over things I'm not. But I refuse. God must have some crazy plan for me the way that I am. I personally cannot wait to see what that is. And I sure hope this blog is still around when that happens for me to document it.

I can choose to dwell on the what ifs, the should haves, the wonder whats but instead I choose contentment. I choose Jesus.

Side note: I think I could have just posted one sentence every day for 31 days: I choose Jesus. But that might have gotten a little boring/redundant, so might as well throw in a little vulnerability and transparency while I'm at it.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

If You're Single & You Know It

you're probably not gonna clap your hands. I know my singleness doesn't typically never make(s) me want to clap much less be happy.

But. You had to know there was a but coming. In this write 31 days challenge, my end goal was contentment in my singleness. I haven't talked about it as of yet only because God has taken this in directions I never planned. I got a little sidetracked along the way with all the other areas of discontentment that God revealed to me. How delightful for me. What I've learned is that all these areas spill over into each other. When I choose joy and contentment in one area, it automatically overflows into the next area. No matter how many areas of discontentment I find, the answer never changes. God was/still is/always will be the only means to the end {contentment}.

The other night I was watching a wedding video {you know just to torture myself. however if you are in the wedding planning phase of life, please look into my sweet friend's company, Sami Sue Studios. you won't regret it. She is amazingly talented.} and sat there at the end of it with very mixed emotions {possibly fighting off tears}. I so wish/long/desire for that to be the phase of life that God has planned for me right now. I get emotional because it's beautiful. the love. the happiness. the joy. the commitment. the symbolism. the covenant. the picture of the Gospel. I love watching/celebrating/enjoying weddings for these reasons. But I also get emotional because there are so many things in my life that I think are within my control {italics note sarcasm} yet this is not one of them. Never has been and never will be. It makes my {stereotypical girl brain} so crazy with imaginary scenarios and elaborate fantasies of what my fictional wedding would look like. Back to reality. It's not real.

I really do have conflicted feelings about this. I am thankful for my singleness {I know you probably don't believe me}, but I truly am. Every time I drive cross state at the drop of a hat. or go for a run at the park with no accountability. eat a smart one for dinner. plan a trip out of the country for three weeks. sit at home in my comfy pjs watching endless hours of netflix. On the other hand, the battery on my car clicker thing is low and I don't know what to do to fix it. my car needed the oil changed and men are not nice to single females entering men's territory. going to weddings by myself.

The only way to find contentment in my singleness is to find my contentment in Jesus. Here I am. 25. single. so what.

I am abundantly thankful for the life that I've been given. for the source of contentment that I have found in Jesus.

Abba Father, my Prince of Peace, Lover of my Soul, singleness isn't/wasn't my choice, but singleness is worth it with You. I couldn't/can't do this alone. I need you to fill every desire/longing of my heart. Create in me a new heart that seeks contentment in You and You alone.  

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Make Me Content

Here we are. Last week of the write 31 days challenge. I'd be lying if I said this has been easy. It hasn't been easy at all. I has been challenging. It has been somewhat painful. Digging deeper into areas of discontentment. Targeting those areas of discontentment. Painful. This type of change is almost always painful.

Tonight as the roomie and I were driving home from church/football viewing party, this song came on the radio. The topic that came up was is this truly our prayer? Do we truly want God to make us broken? make us lonely? make us empty? 'til He's our one desire. one true love. my breath. my everything. That's something to think about as we head into a new/last week of the challenge. 

Keep Making Me
by Sidewalk Prophets

Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

That last part/verse gets me. Make me lonely so I can be yours. 'til I want no one more than you, Lord.

That is my prayer this week.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Just A Glimpse {Round 4}

What would a day with Jesus look like?

Maybe a little like this.

There is truly no greater feeling than starting out the day with a cup of coffee and God's Word. Not gonna lie though. I put East Asian photos up to be the screen saver for appleTV. So therefore I spent half of my Jesus time smiling at all the memories I made this summer. The people who touched my heart. The moments that I can still see/experience if I just close my eyes. I laughed some. At the random thoughts that went through my mind. At the hilarious moments that I will never be able to forget. It sent joy rippling through my heart and soul this morning to relive some of my summer moments. God certainly showed up and showed out this summer. I believe He still is over there.

Errands. Not bad errands. but errands nonetheless took up most of my day. These were mostly good errands. You know the kind where you are looking forward to it because it's been in your mind for a while and you want to see it come to fruition.

First on the list. Get my feet/running/walking evaluated for a good pair of shoes. Have I mentioned yet that I'm gonna run a half marathon in a few short months? {cue small amount of panic} I have talked about running a lot on this blog, and I 100% feel closer to God when I run. Something about doing something that is totally out of my comfort zone. It forces me to rely on Him. For my next step. For my next breath even.

Second on the list. Oil change. Not my fave thing to do especially with ridiculous men in this world who think it's funny to pick on young, single girls who have no one to do things like this for them. These people are not my friend. I might have fought off an emotional outburst, but nonetheless, the task was accomplished.

Third on the list. Hobby Lobby. Oh not good. Not good at all. Don't get me wrong. It's great. wonderful. amazing. lovely. addicting. And makes me want to spend every dime that I have to my name. Not good. However this errand was to purchase some exciting new tools/supplies to start a new project that I hope to share with the blog world in the coming months. Stay tuned.

Fourth on the list. Run. Of course after getting some new kicks to jump start my half marathon training, I had to go for a run. I'm making progress, and it doesn't hurt that I have such a beautiful display of God's creation to enjoy while I run. Running truly is a therapeutic/spiritual growth experience for me. The running analogies have probably only begun.

There may have been a Starbucks, KMart, and Old Navy stop somewhere in there too.

God is faithful to continue these glimpses into true contentment.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Doing Some Backtracking

I feel like it is necessary for me to do some backtracking especially considering the over abundance of blog posts this month. When you are getting an everyday glimpse into my life, you may get some wrong impressions of my life. Maybe I haven't done a very good job of being clear about some things.

#1. I am not depressed. Not by any means. Sure I have my low moments, but I am far from depressed. I just want people to know that I struggle just like everyone else. I want people to know that despite my relationship with God, I have genuine/real problems. Choosing Christ is not a get out of hard times free card. From my experience, God has taught me so much from being real and honest about my life versus being fake and covering up my hurts and problems.

#2. I am not miserable. Not even close. I have really hard moments when things do seem bleak, but those moments are truly few and far between. I am occasionally overwhelmed with the stresses of life, but I live a very full and happy life.

#3. I am not crazy. I mean maybe I kind of am. But I am a radical follower of Jesus just not psychotic. I hope I haven't given that vibe ... although I do have my oddities.

Okay, I think that about covers it. My overall goal of each post is to bring it back around to Jesus despite the struggle. I struggle. I hurt. I have problems. I get sad. I cry.

BUT I have Jesus. I have joy. I have hope. I have peace. I have love. I have laughter. I have friends. I have family. I have an amazing life. I have contentment.

Even when things get hard. Even when I struggle. Even when I am painfully honest on here, I wear a smile on my face. Why? Because I have Jesus.

That's that. I have Jesus.

{Enter contentment}

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Mirror Mirror

Instead of the classic "mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all," mine sounds more like:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, how many flaws can we find in all?"

Anyone else able to relate to that? Each time I look I ask the same question and get the same answers. I see the big hips. I see the bland colored hair and eyes. I see the large nose. I see the freakishly tall body. I see the fat. I see the cellulite. I see the acne scars. I see the imperfections. Every single one of them.

{Enter Discontentment. I've spent the majority of my life being discontent with what I see in the mirror. I've hated mirrors all my life. 

Side note: I started three posts at the beginning of the challenge to give me a head start before it all started. The topics were as follows: self-image, weight, and singleness. My top three areas of discontentment. You probably thought the worst was over with my discontentment posts, but you haven't seen anything yet. This is where it gets good. These are the three areas that plague me the most. 

So self-image. This isn't my first rodeo when it comes to blogging about this struggle. Feel free to just keep scrolling because I guarantee you won't hear anything too new.

Hear me say: I'm not seeking pity or compliments. I'm just being genuinely honest about the true state of my heart. I've spent my entire life surrounded by beautiful people. People who win beauty pageants. People who are admired for their skin, face, hair, etc. I love these people. so much. But I've just never quite measured up to their beauty. {comparison equals discontentment} I've never been the one who guys stop in their tracks to admire. I've never been the one who people would guess was a pageant girl. I know this.

But who am I to tell God He made a mistake? Who am I to question God? Who am I to be discontent with the way God created me?

You just can't beat the Psalm 139 passage. It is used quite often in this case. But I believe that is because of how truly powerful it is. God does not make mistakes and His Word says in the words of David:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body." {Psalm 139:13-16a NIV}

Did I mention that God doesn't make mistakes? He took the time to consider the color of my hair, the complexion of my skin, the length of my fingers, my exact height {all five foot eleven inches of me}, my build, and the shape of my figure. He made me exactly the way I am.

I have to recite these verses on a regular basis to remind myself that my view of my self-image is just that. My view. God did not make any mistakes on me.

my Creator, King of my heart, and Father God, show me how to be content with the way you made me. My reflection in the mirror will never meet earthly standards which makes it a good thing that I am held to Your standards. I thank you for creating/making/forming me the way that I am ... even tall, even oddly proportioned, even just me. Some days I lose sight of you, my Creator, but my prayer is that you always point me back to you. Show me the way to contentment.

Contentment is not found in my appearance/self-image. Contentment is found in Jesus.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Nothing New Here

This concept of discontentment is anything but new. It has actually been around since the fall of man. Since Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit. Since sin entered the world. God is not surprised by my discontentment. He is not caught off guard by my discontent heart.

But He does call me to choose Him in those moments. He does expect me to surrender my longings/desires/wishes/plans to Him and Him alone.

In my morning quiet time, I have been reading through the Old Testament specifically in Genesis and Exodus. If you're looking for it, you'd probably be quite surprised by the number of accounts where discontentment jumps off the page.

For starters, there was Leah and Rachel. The story goes like this. Jacob {twin brother of Esau} ran for his life after he stole his brother's blessing from their father, Issac. Just a regular soap opera going on here in the Old Testament. He went to his his mother's {Rebekah: wife of Issac} brother to find a wife.

Cue Days of Our Lives {Bible Times}. Jacob was tricked into marrying the oldest daughter, Leah, when he thought he was marrying the other daughter, Rachel. Drama. Imagine working 7 years to marry this one person only to get to your wedding night and realize it's her sister. I can imagine there was a little anger, turmoil, jealousy, and favoritism going on there between this sordid crew.

Leah was discontent. Jacob didn't love her like he loved her sister. She was the second favorite wife. She was second priority. God gave her multiple children, but she couldn't have the one thing she wanted. The love of her husband.

Rachel was discontent. She was the favorite wife. Jacob loved her, cherished her, favored her, and preferred her over her sister. She couldn't have children. God had closed her womb. She couldn't have the one things she wanted. A child.

Don't you see the pattern here? They were both discontent. They both wanted what the other one had. They both had what the other one wanted.

Moral of the story: We will never be content with earthly things. God created our hearts, and He created them to be content/fulfilled/satisfied by Him alone. When we try to fill/satisfy it with other things is when we usher in discontentment.

Only the Creator of our hearts can satisfy the desires of our hearts. 

It's time to stop thinking the next thing will bring me contentment. No husband, life, job, city, home, cellphone, tv show, or food will bring me contentment.

Jesus will. He will bring me contentment if I just stop seeking these other things. And start seeking Him.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Everyday is a New Day

Tomorrow is a new day. I am not held down by chains of yesterday. I can't change yesterday or even what I've already lived today but I can claim victory over tomorrow in Jesus' name. It's about the daily surrender. 

Despite my fruitless toiling away over the last few days and maybe even the last week, I'm stepping out of that heart funk I had fallen into. I'm running to Jesus right now. At the end of my day, I choose to run to my safe place in His arms. 

The name of The Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." {Proverbs 18:10 NIV}

I feel encouraged by the hope of a new beginning. Letting go of what I can't change and what is out of my hands is the best thing I can do right now. I have to release those things and surrender them into the hands of God. 

                          

Tonight I'm content with the process. Jesus tells us in His Word that in this world we will have trouble. We will have heartache. We will face hard times. We will struggle. But we must take heart. We must cling to the truth. We must run to our strong tower. For He has overcome the world. He has won the battle. He has claimed the victory over me. 

Today I recieved counsel from a very wise person who reminded me to surrender my plans/my desires/my purposes to the Lord each and every morning. 

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." {Proverbs 19:20-21 NIV}

I needed this verse so badly today. I'm content with God's purpose prevailing. It is well worth the wait. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

When Things Get Hard

Sometimes. Sometimes life gets hard. Sometimes it feels like I am falling apart. Sometimes it feels like my heart is in shambles. Sometimes I doubt myself and my past decisions. Sometimes I second guess my choices. Sometimes life makes my head hurt. Sometimes my heart just feels so heavy. 

Worn by Tenth Avenue North

I'm tired 
I'm worn 
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need 
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes 

                          

4 hours to Starkville. 30 minutes to Columbus. 1 hour to Tuscaloosa. 1 hour to Columbus. 30 minutes to Starkville. 2 hours to Olive Branch. And 5 hours to New Orleans. 

That's 14 total hours in my car. 12 of those with just me and my thoughts. I usually try to spend that time worshipping through song and prayer. And I did some of that in those 12 hours. But my heart was so muddled by emotions from the family events going on already that I practically left the door open for discontentment. I might as well have put out a welcome mat. 

Once the discontentment entered, a downward spiraling conversation with my own heart ensued. How could you be content/satisfied/happy in these current circumstances? I feebly responded. I have Jesus. But you're not even good enough to be more important than money or possessions so what good does Jesus do you? I have Jesus. An even quieter response. You're not even confident in the choices you've been making, so why do you even bother trusting Jesus? A whisper this time. I have Jesus. How will you ever find contentment in Jesus when you fall every few steps you take? Silence. I had no fight left in me. Nothing I could say to refute my failures. 

But then in the corner of my eye, a ray of sunlight from the setting sun fell across my face. I felt God caress my heart in that moment. I heard His voice over the lies. I heard the truth. He surrounded me with His presence. He said, run to Me, my child. 

I may not have the clarity I would like to have for my current circumstances, but when things get hard, I will run to Jesus. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}