When Things Get Hard

Sometimes. Sometimes life gets hard. Sometimes it feels like I am falling apart. Sometimes it feels like my heart is in shambles. Sometimes I doubt myself and my past decisions. Sometimes I second guess my choices. Sometimes life makes my head hurt. Sometimes my heart just feels so heavy. 

Worn by Tenth Avenue North

I'm tired 
I'm worn 
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need 
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes 

                          

4 hours to Starkville. 30 minutes to Columbus. 1 hour to Tuscaloosa. 1 hour to Columbus. 30 minutes to Starkville. 2 hours to Olive Branch. And 5 hours to New Orleans. 

That's 14 total hours in my car. 12 of those with just me and my thoughts. I usually try to spend that time worshipping through song and prayer. And I did some of that in those 12 hours. But my heart was so muddled by emotions from the family events going on already that I practically left the door open for discontentment. I might as well have put out a welcome mat. 

Once the discontentment entered, a downward spiraling conversation with my own heart ensued. How could you be content/satisfied/happy in these current circumstances? I feebly responded. I have Jesus. But you're not even good enough to be more important than money or possessions so what good does Jesus do you? I have Jesus. An even quieter response. You're not even confident in the choices you've been making, so why do you even bother trusting Jesus? A whisper this time. I have Jesus. How will you ever find contentment in Jesus when you fall every few steps you take? Silence. I had no fight left in me. Nothing I could say to refute my failures. 

But then in the corner of my eye, a ray of sunlight from the setting sun fell across my face. I felt God caress my heart in that moment. I heard His voice over the lies. I heard the truth. He surrounded me with His presence. He said, run to Me, my child. 

I may not have the clarity I would like to have for my current circumstances, but when things get hard, I will run to Jesus. 

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}