When Faith isn't the Problem

Y'all, I got faith out the wazoo. Can I say that in the most humble way possible? Actually, I took a spiritual gifts inventory earlier this year, and it identified faith as one of my primary spiritual gifts. At first, I was a little surprised, but then I started to really think about it.

I've seen God heal my mother from {what all indicators pointed to as} cancer. Complete and total healing. Not once but twice. I've seen God provide money for trip after trip to serve him around the world. Money I didn't have and couldn't have come up with on my own. I've seen miracles with my own two eyes. I've got 10 years worth of prayer journals packed full of answered prayers.

I have no trouble believing in something I can't see. Honestly, it's never been hard for me to believe in God. I have always felt His presence in my life. I have always just trusted that He is there regardless of my feelings. Now hear me when I say, God has very evidently revealed Himself to me through His word, the church, and my everyday life, but what I'm saying is that I've never really been a doubter. I would consider myself an optimist/glass half-full kind of person.

When it comes to waiting, I do not doubt that God will give me an answer. I do not doubt that God's Word is true and that He has a good and perfect plan for my life. I think the big picture comes a little easier to me. It's the little puzzle pieces that I'm waiting on that get me all in a tizzy.

An excerpt from my actual ridiculously humorous unplanned life //

Some money that I was expecting this week didn't come through, and I had already planned to drive home to see my family this weekend. Without the money, I couldn't afford to put any gas in my car. Basically, it would be complicated to find a credit card to put it on. I felt God telling me to just keep driving. My control-freak/OCD/stubborn nature wanted to make a plan. But I just kept feeling this push to keep driving. I had faith that God would get me home on whatever amount of gas that was in my car. Did I feel like this was a hugely impossible thing? Yes. But I also know that what is impossible for man is possible with God.

I know I sound crazy. Yall. I know I am crazy. I am a very self-aware individual. I was driving on E with a healthy amount of faith and fear. This is not like me. I pride myself on always being in control, and I can tell you this was not my ideal situation. Seriously on E.

God and I were having a full-on moment in my car at this point. Half desperation/half tears. I told God that I could run out of gas right there/right then, and I'd still have faith. I wasn't stopping that car. I told him He was gonna have to stop that car, because I wasn't gonna be the girl with no faith. I told him I give up. I give up this facade of control. I told him that regardless of the outcome, I'd still have faith.

And yall. Just as I breathed those words. Just as I said that I give up control, my car started slowing down. I feel my craziness oozing off this page. I know. Then as I sat on the side of the road, I had to make the worst call of all. To my mom. To admit defeat. To admit I don't have anything under control. This was a low point.

But then I restarted my car and made it the next mile to a gas station. I made it.

Let's debrief. This was not the super profound Old Testament "the oil never ran out" moment that I was hoping for. This was a low moment for me, but I realized that I have to keep the faith. I have to let my faith in God carry me through this waiting. Waiting isn't easy for anyone, but I realized in this moment that a lack of faith isn't my problem. My need for control is my problem.

God sure taught me a good lesson last night regardless of how hard it was for me to learn. I gotta cling to faith during this season of waiting. Cling to your faith. Faith will carry us in this waiting place.

Whew. When God sets out to redeem your waiting place, get ready, because He will do just that. Tonight I'm just praying for the faith to take the next step. Just faith for the next step. Whether I can see it or not. I'm gonna use this gift of faith, and take the next step.

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{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}