I'm A Runner

I wish I was talking about the physical activity of running. Because goodness knows I wish I was good at that versus the running I'm referring to. 

Nope, I mean running from God. I'm a runner. I see God do these amazing things and work in crazy awesome ways. And then I get scared. I take my eyes off of Him. And I run. Not necessarily fast running. More like a turtle pace which is really my actual real life running pace. Turtle speed. But none the less I run. 

And here is where Hosea comes in. This book of the Bible is brutal. I started out reading each chapter judging God's people in thier God-doubting, idol-worshipping, back-sliding ways. I thought I was above that. At the end of each chapter, I felt the overwhelming conviction that my name could just as easily be read in place of Ephraim and so on. I doubt. I have idols. I have tried to run. 

Why did I run? I was scared. Scared of what God may have me do next. Coming off a season of such huge growth in my relationship with the Lord and such intense clarity and direction, I took that leap of faith. I followed God on this unexpected journey down to NOLA. I was obedient, so I can coast for a little while, right? Never. Before I knew it, I was doing the expected. Only what is expected of me. I was/am doing the bare minimum. Which led me into a state of fear. What if God asks me to do something else frightening? What if I can't do it? What if it's hard? 

So, I ran. 

But the beauty is in the return. 

I'm done running. It's not worth it. 

I want to return and run with endurance the race set out before me. 

I'm a runner. 

But it's time to run in the direction of my God. The only running I'm gonna be doing is closer to Jesus. 

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This blog post is a part of #SheSharesTruth with SheReadsTruth.com. 

Check out other blog posts about Hosea and what the other women in the SRT community learned through this study here. 

When {You} Think

When you think you have it all figured out, you don't.

When you think you have it all planned, you don't.

When you think you have it under control, you don't.

When you think it's all about you, it's not.

When you think ..... 

My thinking gets me in trouble 100% of the time. 

This is the intro to a never posted new year's blog post:

"So long, farewell .... to {TWENTY THIRTEEN}. It's safe to say that it was a year filled with more {changes} than I have experienced in my entire lifetime.

The beginning of my last semester of school related to speech path, my introduction into the medical SLP world, my miracle of God passing of both comps and the speech path PRAXIS, the end of my graduate school career {insert party horns}, my around the world trip to Ukraine to tell people about Jesus, & the start of my first.ever.big girl.job. Wowza. That's a whole lot of change. I'm really leaving out the majority of the year too, so it's safe to say that 2013 held some pretty big life moments.

But strangely, I'm so happy to see it go.

I'm ready for a little slowing down of life changes and would relish a little normalcy/routine. Sounds pretty boring, huh? I just don't even care."

 Note the second to last line. "I'm ready for a little slowing down of life changes." You're laughing right now, aren't you? Goodness  knows I am, because the girl that wrote those words meant them with every fiber of her being. But that girl is now sitting in an apartment in New Orleans, Louisiana, hundreds of miles away from her family, in the midst of a brand new job, starting completely over in every area of her life. What went wrong? How did this happen? 

Let me answer that for you. God happened. Faith happened. Trust happened. 

I'm still processing this enormous change in my life.
 If you've read my blog for very long, you know that I don't handle change well, & clearly God decided we are gonna work on that. I really did have great plans. FYI I am a planner. That might even be an understatement, but I don't know that there even is a more extreme word {at least not one I'd be willing to use}.  I like to plan things. This creates mass chaos in my life quite often. My plans always end in disaster.

For example, I recently {like this summer} decided that I had found the perfect plan. The plan was exactly how I had pictured. It met all of my criteria for this plan that I've had since I was like 16. I was set. Plan in motion. Somewhere along the way, I felt God telling me He had different plans. I rebelled. I decided that voice couldn't be God telling me my plans weren't His plans {because it's not like He says that in the Bible. Note: Sarcasm}. I forged on through with my plans, & unfortunately for me & those involved, it ended in disaster. My heart in pieces. again. Not to mention the others involved {whom I never stopped long enough to think nor care about}. It's all about me & my plans, right?

via shereadstruth.com

Wrong.
I was wrong. I was most definitely the one who was wrong. My plans failed. Per the norm.

Now God's plans. Those are worth waiting for. I wouldn't have planned this. I just wouldn't have. I love my family, my friends, my comfort zone, my church, my life too much to plan to leave them. But I know God has bigger plans. He has plans that I know nothing about. His plans have a purpose. His plans are to glorify Himself. Not me. His plans may take me down some paths that don't make sense to anyone else in the world, but that's where the trust & faith come into the picture.
Are we willing to put all of our trust in Him?
Are we willing to live out our faith?
I don't know about you, but I'm sure ready to try. I will probably fall on my face a thousand more times. I will probably mess up things a thousand more times. I will probably not get it right a thousand more times.
But that one thousandth and one time.
God's got this. I know that.

As always I feel like these words are insufficient to truly explain/describe what God's doing, but I pray that just one heart relates to what I'm going through. & you can hear me say. It's gonna be okay. God's got this.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)

I'm Back

I'm back from yet another unintentional blogging lapse. I miss this place when I'm not writing. Writing has become therapy for me as well as my way of processing what God is teaching me. Maybe you'll notice the new setup/design/layout. Maybe you haven't. I decided that this new journey I'm setting out on deserved a little revamping. Considering the impact Hillsong's Oceans song has had on me and it was instrumental in God getting me down here to NOLA, I knew I wanted to use it in some way.

{Without Borders}. God has called me to live my life {without borders}. To trust him {without borders}. Have faith {without borders}. To love others {without borders}. Borders imply limitations & set expectations. With God there are no limitations. There is nothing stopping me with God on my side.

When God first called me to move down here to NOLA, I was a hot mess. But I kept hearing Him say, Trust me, Jenna. Just trust me. The lyrics to the Oceans song played over & over in my head.

As scary as it has been to uproot my entire life and relocate in a completely new and unfamiliar place, I feel God's guiding hand and presence all around me. I know he brought me down here, and I know He is going to take care of me. I can trust in that. 

The new journey ahead of me is a surprise to me each & every day. I never know what's going to happen next, but I'm so ready to follow wherever God leads. 

Here's to faith. love. trust, & life {without borders}.

Breaking News

Imagine that news sound clip that might add a snippet of dramatics just to enhance this moment.

I do have news. Very exciting news. & maybe a little scary. Also terrifying. Note the mixed feelings. We'll get to that in a second. 

Several weeks ago {about March 29 to be exact}, I was in the midst of the SheReadsTruth Jonah reading plan which was the preparatory step to what ended up being one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my 25 short years. Welcome to adulthood, Jenna. 

I had just recently gotten out of my mouth {or fingers considering I typed it on my blog} that I didn't have a Ninevah. I mean really? I'm not Jonah. I'm. Not. Jonah. Okay, yes, yes, I am. 

Not like the "going to Tarshish" Jonah. Because goodness knows I don't want to know what a 21st century whale-swallowing looks like. No siree. Not happening. I'm not interested. 

& to top it all off, United had to go & write this song right below. & I had to go & start praying this on a regular basis.

So anyway, back to the story. Jonah had me praying that God would show me my Ninevah {really only because I felt I should not because I had any desire to go anywhere}. Praying began for a Ninevah. Plus I was praying that God would lead me where my trust is without borders. That I would walk out upon the waters wherever He may call me. I prayed that He would take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, so my faith would be made stronger.

Now that you have the background info, let's go back to March 29. I was in Columbus for Homecoming. This one place kept coming up in conversation. Okay, just dandy. As I drove home later that night, I was catching up with my dear friend, Alicia, about life & craziness. It truly all of sudden just felt like this deep knowing in my heart that God was calling me to a new place. 

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I panicked in true Jenna fashion. The waterworks & all. I definitely looked & sounded like Jonah in that moment. I complained. A lot. & then I explained to God all the reasons why this would not work & did not make sense. Two days later, I told my parents. Shoutout to the parents for reacting like parents. Not exactly what you want to hear from your youngest child/daughter. 

Within just a few weeks, my mom and I planned a trip down to check everything out. It just felt right. Not one bit of doubt crept into my heart. I kept asking God for confirmation that this was what He wanted me to do. One thing I was sure of was that this was not necessarily my ideal plan. Sure it is super exciting, but have I mentioned yet that this is incredibly terrifying? 

One thing after another. I actively put feet to my faith. I couldn't just sit back and expect anything happen. I prayed that God would close any door that I wasn't to walk through. All along the way, I just felt an overwhelming peace. 

I got a couple job interviews and wondered on the way home how I would ever decide which one to go with if I were to be offered both. By the time I got home {& after talking it over with my mom}, I knew which one was for me. I was offered the job the next day. Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place.

Let me be perfectly clear. This. was. not. my. plan. We won't even go down that road, but in all seriousness, my plan was far from the path I am about to pursue. 

Where am I going? In August, I am moving to New Orleans. {insert face full of very mixed emotions}
 
Why am I going? First & foremost because my parents have taught me to be obedient not only to them but more importantly to God. But I am also going because my heart is missions {no matter where in the world God places me}. I have dreaded seminary classes for long enough. Slowly but surely God has softened my heart & created in me a desire to dig deeper into His Word & for me that means taking seminary classes. I wanted to be prepared just as the Bible tell us. "But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness & respect." {1 Pt 3:15 ESV}. 

My heart is breaking for all that I will be leaving, but at the exact same time, my heart is bursting with excitement over the adventure ahead. I am 25, single, and thrilled to be living life according to God's leading. I'm following Him wherever He leads. I say that all the time, & it is now time for me to put action to my words. I know my life/decisions may not make sense to everybody, but as a very wise & older friend once told ... "I'd rather have God's presence than an explainable existence." 

When You Miss the Target

Kind of like when you fall off a horse {mind you, I've never done that & I never plan to}. But regardless, you brush yourself off & you GET. BACK. ON.

check out the SheSharesTruth experiment here

The other day I was in Target {hence the use of the word in the title} & strongly felt God telling me to speak to this employee at the dressing rooms. Tell her that I'd like to know how I can pray for her. My response. No. I'm in a hurry. I already have cold groceries & I'm pushing it on time. My bargain with God. Okay, okay, I'll do it but only if no one else is around to hear/see me do this. Walk out the dressing room door & notice she's pregnant. Of course I should say something. Even if it makes me sound crazy. Gonna do it. Gonna do it. Gonna do it. AAANNNNND there's some complete stranger walking within 50 feet who may hear/see me & think I'm crazy. Nope not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Why should I, God? Answer me that. 

I'm too busy. And just like that I walked away. Ashamed. Mortified. Embarrassed. Angry. Stupid. Ignorant. Prideful. The list goes on. I pray someone else was obedient that day, because I was anything but. 

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What is wrong with me? Why didn't I say something? Did I really think that God would ask me to do something for no reason? No purpose? No higher meaning? 

Shame on me. Paul states it so eloquently when he says I do what I do not want to do and I don't do what I want to do. So messed up. Ultimately, I think my inability to say anything stems from pride. What will people think of me? They will think I am crazy or psychotic. But seriously, why do I care?

I do believe there is hope for me yet. 

Matthew 28:16-20 ... He commands us to go & tell. But He also tells us that He will be with us always. I have to cling to that. I'm setting a goal. From now on, I am going to step out on faith. I am going to look for opportunities to be obedient. Not because it's comfortable or easy or particularly fun sometimes. But because I have to. I am compelled to share this fire within me. I will break through this barrier that I've built if it is the last thing I do.

The whole premise of this blog is {learning}to be the light ... as in the present progressive tense {excuse me while I go a little grammar crazy on you}. Present progressive tense expresses an action that is ongoing. This walk of faith with God is a continual process. Forever learning. To be the light.

Learning to be the Light,
Jenna

Striving for the Impossible

The signs are unclear.

The signals are mixed. 

The rules are fuzzy. 

The lines are blurred. 

The system is broken. 

But I'm not talking about the government, healthcare, or any other popular opinion of our modern day society. I'm talking about our world which is filled with sin and darkness and corruption. 

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But really I'm talking about the impossible standards placed on single Christians {especially females since I can only vouch for my friends and myself} in the dating game in their twenties to thirties {more specifically those past the college years where new relationships go to die}. Forgive the dramatics but I'm attempting to make a point. I'm constantly mentally exhausted by the barrage of well-meaning articles telling me "don't be too this" and "make sure to be that" BUT "do not ever be this" and "only be that". I cannot even keep up with what I am expected to be. Who could with all these ever-changing perceptions of what we have to be to attract a like-minded single Christian? 

If I'm losing you in my somewhat long winded psycho babble, allow me to give you examples. 

Example one. Don't throw yourself at guys. Okay, check. I can refrain from doing that. Hmm ... Not so hard. But then. 

Example two. Don't hide yourself away. Make yourself known. You can't expect a guy to notice you unless you give him a little encouragement. Oh brother. Now I'm in trouble. Not my forte. 

Example three. Wait on God's timing. Oh okay. Well, easy enough. I like this one. But wait. 

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Example four. Sign up for christianmingle.com TODAY. Dont wait. God's match for you is waiting behind door number one. Or was that door number two. Uh oh. There's a door number three. 

Example five. Don't be needy. GREAT! I got this one down. I will be independent and prove that I am strong. BUT. 

Example six. Don't be too independent. If you're too independent, a guy will never feel needed by you. Oh ... Well, that stinks. 

Example seven. Set your standards high. Oh check, check, and check. Tall, dark, and handsome, right? Wrong. 

Example eight. Don't set your standards so high that you miss the "perfect" guy who just so happens to be a pale, 4 foot tall boy {only kidding}. Throw your laundry list to the wind, girls. 

Example nine. Run your race with your eyes fixed on Jesus. Okay, got it. Now this I can do. 

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Example ten. But don't forget to look both ways while you're running for Mr. Right. Wait what? I thought I was supposed to keep my eyes on Jesus. 

Example eleven. Surround yourself with good, Christian guys who have the same passion for God that you do ... Does going to a primarily women's university for 6 years count? 

Example twelve. When you can view every guy as a brother in Christ instead of a potential husband, you are good as gold. Okay ... Not check. 

I know I'm stretching some intentions and slightly dramatizing the points to make them more clear, but really this is how I feel. I feel overwhelmed and bombarded by so many different standards for what I'm doing right or horribly wrong. Let's face it ... If it is left up to me, I'm going to fail. royally. I know that, and more importantly, God knows that. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for people who have taken the time to share their expertise or opinion about these things which I have no life experience in, but at some point, something has got to give.  

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Last two examples. 

Example thirteen. Be content in your relationship with God and God alone. God will give you a husband when you are content with being single. Okay, so check ... Now what? 

Example fourteen. I got nothing else ... I'm too distracted by the baloney I typed above. Cue soapbox. 

Please read this very carefully. For those of you amazing girls who got married between the ages of 16-22, God bless you. I am so inconceivably happy for you. It blesses my heart to see what God is doing in your life and how He will use your marriage to glorify Him if you allow it to. I believe with every fiber of my being that your calling in life to be married is valid and beautiful and meaningful and special. But what I am asking of you is to pay those who aren't married by 22 the same respect that you have been given. Please don't invalidate our walk with the Lord because it doesn't look like yours. And Lord, help us, insinuating that the reason we're not happily married is because we're not content with God or being single will only serve to hurt and to damage the hearts of your dear sisters. It's just not okay to assume that the reason I'm not married by 25 is that a)I've done something wrong, b)God is punishing me, or c)my relationship with God is not good enough. 

Let's be clear about something, the past three years of my life have been the most challenging and thriving time in my walk than I've experienced in all my quarter of a century life. Marriage or no marriage, God and I are on great terms, and I trust Him with all that I am. My calling in life is not less or insignificant because it does not currently involve a husband. I'm running my race and you'll have to forgive me but I'm not gonna play by anyone's rules {except for God's, that is} ... Even if it is a sure-fire way to get me married. 

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I want Jesus more. I want Him more than I want money. love. contentment. acceptance. security. worth. value. husband. 

Because I already have all these things in Jesus. He satisfies the deepest longings of my soul. I want for nothing. I have everything in Him. 

Learning to be the Light, 

Jenna

P.S. All the beautiful prints of Bible verses were created by Shannon and you can find those here on her blog. I'm so thankful that she made these available as reminders of our great God. 

Where is My {Ninevah}?

Before now I had decided that I didn't have a so-called {Ninevah}. God put this on my heart through the SheSharesTruth challenge given by the SheReadsTruth community. I thought I would write a sweet little post about asking God to show me my {Ninevah} although I knew I couldn't possibly have a {Ninevah} since I'm always just so obedient {note sarcasm}.

Jonah 1:1-3

"Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, 'Arise, go to Ninevah, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me.'  BUT JONAH rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord. {ESV, emphasis mine}"

I don't want to be Jonah. I don't want to flee to Tarshish. I don't think I've ever had a reason to flee to Tarshish, because overseas missions is my passion. That's really all God has ever called me to.

Right?

Or not? My story is far from over. As the quote in my senior yearbook said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." {thanks Corrie Ten Boom}. Stay tuned for the conclusion of the story entitled {Be Careful What You Pray For}.

The {Pride} Before the Fall

Jonah 3-4 SheReadsTruth

While reading chapter 4 of Jonah today, I became rather indignant that I would never expect God to treat anyone any different than me. Definitely not less. But better? Hmmm .... I didn't want my mind to go there. 

Jonah was angry. So angry {in fact} he would've rather died. {& girls are the dramatic ones?!?} okay. okay. kidding. God had mercy on such terrible and wicked people. But they needed salvation just as much as Jonah, right? Why was Jonah so angry? 

I could never relate to this story until today. God reminded me of how I'm just like Jonah. 

Now beware. This is the ugly side of me. The not pretty, not nice, not merciful side of me. That I'm anything but proud of. 

I've done everything possible to live my life by the book. Following the rules. Listening to my elders. Taking instruction. & so on & so on. I did everything right, so I should be rewarded with whatever I want, RIGHT??? 

This sounds even worse written out than it does in my head but here it goes:

I was obedient=I don't get a {insert boyfriend, skinny body, date, the list goes on}

Unnamed person is NOT obedient=She gets a {insert boyfriend, skinny body, date, etc} 

Here you are allowed to picture my 3 year old tantrum, because that is exactly what it is. 

I'm just like Jonah. Drowning in pity for myself & anger over things not going {my way}. Selfish, pitiful me. 

God's plans are bigger than my plans. His thought higher than my thoughts. Who am I? To judge? To decide? 

I'm not. 

But. 

I AM is. 

When I become prideful of what I have done, God has to use whatever measures necessary to bring me to my knees to remind me that He is the only one who has done anything. Scratch that. Everything. 

My precious God & Father, how I pray that my heart is moved into a position of gratitude and humility to become more of the woman you created me to be. 

What is {Lent} Anyway?

Lent never really made sense to this Baptist-raised Mississippi Girl. I had friends who did it, & every now & then I might attempt to give something up which only lasted for a few days really. I knew it had deeply spiritual meaning, but the problem was that I couldn't really see that lived out in the people who were partaking in it. Rarely had I ever seen anyone bear incredible fruit from their sacrifice of dr. pepper or chocolate {which can be done if done in the right way}. It was more like a parade of religious self-righteousness than humble worshipers.

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Participating in #SheReadsTruth devotionals each morning has given me a brand new view of Lent. One that I know will continue with me the rest of my life. This Lent season I will sacrifice something in the privacy of my heart, mind, & soul to help me grow in a more intimate way with the Lord Jesus while also reflecting on the beautiful season of Easter approaching. Oh to dwell in the presence of God & marvel over all He has done. 

Psalm 130 {HCSB}
Out of the depths I call to You, Yahweh!
Lord, listen to my voice; let Your ears be attentive to my cry for help.
Yahweh, if You considered sins, Lord. who could stand?
But with You there is forgiveness, so that You may be revered.
I wait for Yahweh; I wait and put my hope in His word.
I wait for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning --
more than watchmen for the morning. Israel, put your hope in the Lord.
For there is faithful love with the Lord, and with Him is redemption in abundance.
And He will redeem Israel from all its sins.

The promise I hear ringing in these words is "Redemption is coming." As we prepare our hearts for Easter & the celebration of victory over sin, I stand in awe of a God who knew long before it was to happen that He would send His only Son to redeem the world. 

Promise fulfilled. Redemption is here.

#SheSharesTruth
Check out some other awesome reflections on Psalm 130 here.

It's a Diet, It's a New Year's Resolution, NO, It's ...

CONVICTION.

Straight up. full-blown. Conviction.

On a regular basis, I get asked:
*why are you eating so healthy?
*why are you always working out?
*why aren't you eating any cake/dessert/candy?
*are you not going to eat something?
*don't you want a/an {insert some exceptionally tempting food}?

I get the questions are totally out of curiosity/concern/love, etc... but I never really know how to answer them. I'm not dieting. It's not a new year's resolution. It's pure conviction. & the reality is that no one really wants to hear that, because food/gluttony is such a socially acceptable sin amongst the church today.
Let me dive into some Scripture that surrounds my conviction:
*disclaimer: after each verse is my personal interpretation of the Scripture based on the Holy Spirit's leading/guiding during my quiet times & even potentially out of the typical context of the verses. God spoke to me through His Word and specifically targeted my area of sin/struggle.*

1 Corinthians 6:12 "'Everything is permissible for me'  -- but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me' -- but I will not be mastered by anything."

Whew ... this one gets me every time. But seriously. I was being mastered by food in my life. Is there really anything else to be said about that? It speaks for itself. Yes, we have to have food to eat {that's a fact}, so in the real world, food will be everywhere. All food is allowed but it's not all beneficial for my body. It is all permissible, but I can only serve one master. 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

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My brain organization of this one goes like this: So let me get this straight. My body is a temple ... everything I put into my temple either honors or dishonors God. Wowzers. Give me a second while I regain the feeling in my body. That just about knocks me out. The implications of that single verse is enough to make me never even want to eat again, but nevertheless, I've never been capable of being anorexic {so no worries on that front}

1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God -- even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."

I can glorify God through what I eat & drink? Well, that changes the game a bit. I am constantly seeking God to find ways that I can glorify Him through everything I do but to know that I can do that with eating & drinking definitely adds a whole new meaning to what I'm doing. I want to glorify God through everything I do even down to the smallest of things. Nothing matters compared to the glory of God. The other side of this is that I want my actions {even eating & drinking} to point others to Christ so that maybe {just  maybe} they will come to know Him because of it. That's the whole meaning of my existence anyway. To be an example of Christ.

So that sums up the verses that led to my current conviction regarding my healthy lifestyle, but there has to be more. Being convicted is only one side of the coin, there's other side of it that requires some action. I had to figure out a way to fight the fight and defeat this struggle once & for all through Christ's strength.
Now I'll reveal my battle plan in Scripture:

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

Jesus experienced every temptation that I am faced with hourly, daily, weekly, etc. My number one is to fight back with the word of God because it is alive and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. My God gave us a tool to fight temptation. Temptation for me doesn't come in public places. I'm so over cake and terrible foods at restaurants. I am my own worst enemy, & the real temptation for me comes when I am all alone. It's in those moments that God gives me a way out. He is faithful every time.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

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Fixing my eyes on Jesus. & Jesus only. The holy and most precious Word of God can satisfy my every desire & longing {including those for food}. It works. Fool-proof. 100% guaranteed. 

Sadly the overall state of health in the church is dismal. I'm so tired of feeling bad for eating healthy or feeling like I'm the one doing something wrong. I'm more than happy to talk about it if you're willing to hear my truthful answer. The reality is that it is insanely difficult to eat healthy in our society, and one meal gone wrong can completely throw me off for an entire week. I'm trying to avoid sin here, and the temptations are around every corner.

I have no desire to take on the topic of the obesity epidemic in the church in this blog post. What I do want to do is give an honest and open look at my heart's biggest struggle. I've lost this battle over & over & over again. I've cried myself to sleep over it more times than I can count. I have spent the majority of my life living defeated by this sinful lifestyle.

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The problem comes when I try to satisfy my body with food {or anything else other than Jesus aka marriage, money, status}. If only I stopped eating when I should, but I don't. I keep eating & eating. 

Here recently I've rediscovered a verse that I've always enjoyed but I've now found new meaning to it. 

When I truly feast on the Word of God, the taste of the Lord is so sweet & satisfying that I couldn't possibly even think of food or anything else. 

Every day I get up and put on the armor of God. I have to protect myself from the sin, the temptation, the world. Without God, I fail. With Him, I finally break free of these chains. 

No matter what area of my life God is working on, I'm continually learning that the answer to all my problems is: only Jesus can satisfy. 

Only Jesus. Not food. Not a guy. Not marriage. Not children. Not anything of this world. 

Only. Jesus.